Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so upset - parents piling on pressure re my future?

94 replies

Maria53 · 16/09/2019 13:01

I'm 27 and have been living in Spain teaching English for 3 years. I applied to do a pgce here in uk but was rejected from the unis I wanted. It was quite a big blow and I was quite surprised not to be invited for interview.

Anyway i"ve had a rough year. Almost had a full breakdown in June, had to leave my job a week before contracted end because I couldn't get out of bed. I worked at a summer school in July and have been trying to find employment for last 2 months. I am also dealing with 2 health issues & have been undergoing a lot of tests, which is making me feel nervous and quite stressed. All the while I am trying really hard to find a job and missing my life and all my friends in Spain. But gradually I have been trying to socialise and have joined a theatre group i like.

Today my mum asked what my 'plan' is. I said I'm trying to find a job as a priority, he just 'you need to think beyond that to reapplying at uni'. We had an argument and she said 'everything will slip away from you' meaning a stable future and I just burst into tears. The more she talked the tighter my chest felt, my heart rate went mad. My dad was grilling me the other day as well and I feel I have disappointed them both by not having my life sorted by now.

Anyway that was half an hour ago and I'm still sobbing! I am going to an induction today as I am volunteering at a book festival I love (my dad's reply was 'not paid though is it?'. No it's not but I'm trying to find a job and this helps my mental health immensely).

OP posts:
MadM0rn1ng382 · 16/09/2019 13:16

Ok take a deep breath, have a cup of tea / soft drink

You have successfully lived abroad
You have successfully teaches English

You are feeling unwell, book appointment with GP

Reapply for PGCE
To get experience in UK, you could tutor at home or work as a TA

You can't teach, if you are not feeling well, so get this sorted first

You can do it, it might take longer than expected

Good luck

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 16/09/2019 13:23

Important things in order:

Your mental health
Physical health
Happiness
Work/uni/alternative

Then a gap here........

Then the opinions of your parents on your life choices.

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/09/2019 13:23

Thanks. I still can't stop crying, it's embarrassing. I have actually been feeling better and waking up feeling happier. I was in a great mood after a theatre rehearsal last night.

My mood is really low now and I'm conscious of having to go to this induction.

The issue if I reapply I have to stay here for another 2 years (I could go back to Spain, but flying back for interviews will be difficult and I'll struggle to get time off work).

The other option is applying through clearance next August as there have been pgce demands for them 2 years in a row. It's a risk though I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria53 · 16/09/2019 13:25

I feel my parents are putting more emphasis on monetary success and stability than my actual happiness for some reason. Even though I know they love me. It makes me feel a failure and is upsetting

OP posts:
meccacos2 · 16/09/2019 13:35

You’re 27 years old... your parents are trying to motivate you the only way they know how.

Fuck volunteering, find something that pays and make a plan to get out from under your parents roof.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/09/2019 14:05

If you able to hold down voluntary work, why can't you hold down paid work?

raspberryk · 16/09/2019 14:09

So you're 27 and living back at home? Sorry but I'm not surprised at their attitude. Don't mean to kick you while you're down and all but they've every right to expect you to have a job and a plan and not be living back at home rent free at your age.

museumum · 16/09/2019 14:12

I'm going to assume here that your parents are nice normal and caring people not narcissistic evil people. In which case, I would say it's 99% likely they care about your earning potential and financial stability because they care about you. They worry about you. You are far away and they can't look after you so they're concentrating on making sure you can look after yourself. I would try to think of it like this in you head and don't feel they're pressuring you, feel their love for you.

apacketofcrisps · 16/09/2019 14:12

I think you need to take any job that will enable you to move out and look at teacher training next year.

Clangus00 · 16/09/2019 14:13

You should look for paid employment. Anything & everything to give you some money to save for deposit/ rent to give you your own place away from your parents.
Could you look at agencies/ businesses that teach ESOL online? Or online translating?

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/09/2019 14:13

I am applying for loads of jobs every day. I can't do more than I'm already doing. That kind of comment does kick me while I'm down.

I have been teaching since last October - July. My work contract ended and they asked me back but I turned it down due to the mental breakdown and my parents offer to come home and recalibrate. I felt like I was falling to pieces.

The voluntary role is 4 days long. It is worthwhile because it is networking for me.

OP posts:
MzHz · 16/09/2019 14:15

Why are you not going back to Spain? You’re happier there, could you not move back?

Or what about somewhere else teaching English?

BarbariansMum · 16/09/2019 14:18

What a stupid post @Bumblebee69. Far less stress and pressure attached to most volunteering than a paid contract of employment, let alone more flexibility abouts hours, time iff for doctors appointments etc

OP Sleepwalking has it right. Concentrate on your mental and physical health right now. In broad terms your career is going fine, this is just a blip. You have worked successfully, you will again.

Also, it is really hard to "come back home" after several years abroad. It will take time to adjust.

mbosnz · 16/09/2019 14:19

It does sound like you are doing all you can do.

It can be hard with invisible and mental health issues, for people to be able to understand just how debilitating they are for you - even when they're the people who love you the most, and live with you.

How are you progressing in getting these issues under control? Are you starting to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel?

I suspect your parents are worried about you, worried about your future, and also, perhaps, a little bit worried about theirs! They might be feeling the pressure to make themselves as financially secure as they can going forward, perhaps?

But all you can do is your best, and it sounds to me like you very much are, so long as you are doing all you can to get your mental health and other health issues under control. It's not easy though, is it?

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/09/2019 14:20

I am going to look into online teaching this week and maybe some tutoring. It isn't ideal as I'd rather be around more people than alone teaching on the pc...but short term is ok.

A lot my friends are in a similar situation and struggling to find employment. It is not easy.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 16/09/2019 14:20

I say this very gently but I think you should reconsider your plans to teach. It’s well known as a highly stressful job with a massive drop out rate. My DIL did a teaching degree and left right at the end of her course because she was so ill with the pressure. She took a long time to recover.

Do the volunteering, find a job that you will enjoy and communicate with your parents. They are worried about you.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/09/2019 14:23

What a stupid post @Bumblebee69. Far less stress and pressure attached to most volunteering than a paid contract of employment, let alone more flexibility abouts hours, time iff for doctors appointments etc

it's not a stupid question because YOU ANSWERED it .. so thank you for explaining

KittyVonCatsington · 16/09/2019 14:26

Far less stress and pressure attached to most volunteering than a paid contract of employment, let alone more flexibility abouts hours, time iff for doctors appointments etc

Well yes obviously, but it hardly pays the bills does it?

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/09/2019 14:27

I am able to return to Spain in a couple of months if I want to - the jobs are there. I will have a stable income each month but I won't be rich. However - esl is not a long term career prospect. I don't want to get sucked into that and plenty do.

I actually do handle pressure quite well in teaching situations. It's the only degree I can think of that will be transferable to having a good income in Spain.

OP posts:
onyourway · 16/09/2019 14:29

Have you thought about a degree in Outdoor Education? Or working with children in forest schools?
My dd is working with a company like that in her year off and the whole ethos is so different from 'teaching' but equally valuable.
Obviously, I don't know if you are into the outdoor life etc

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/09/2019 14:30

Thanks mbosnz - I actually confided in my dad about my mental health issues a few months ago. Now he talks about other people with mental health issues casually, 'it's be hard to live with those problems wouldnt it?' as though he isn't talking to someone that has been struggling. As though I don't have them.

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 16/09/2019 14:31

Firstly what qualifications do you hold? What unis did you apply to? Have you experience teaching children or were you teaching adults? Perhaps people here can work out why you didnt get any offers

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/09/2019 14:33

Bless you. You seem to have done well so far.

You don’t have to do a PGCE to get into teaching. What about doing SCITT?

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/09/2019 14:40

I have a bachelors degree in literature in journalism. I applied to lots of unis throughout Scotland but I really wanted to go to Glasgow - both unis rejected me even though I did my BA at one of them.

I was invited for interviews in the highlands and Aberdeen but could take a short time off work and was holding out for Glasgow Sad

I have taught every age. Small children, teenagers and adults in businesses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria53 · 16/09/2019 14:47

mbosnz - I waited 6 weeks to get the nhs appointments. I finally have 2 appointments, 1 tomorrow and 1 next week. I had to get some tests repeated which has made the process longer.

It is also hard to work with one issue because it is a physical chronic problem. I just want to feel better.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread