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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be so upset - parents piling on pressure re my future?

94 replies

Maria53 · 16/09/2019 13:01

I'm 27 and have been living in Spain teaching English for 3 years. I applied to do a pgce here in uk but was rejected from the unis I wanted. It was quite a big blow and I was quite surprised not to be invited for interview.

Anyway i"ve had a rough year. Almost had a full breakdown in June, had to leave my job a week before contracted end because I couldn't get out of bed. I worked at a summer school in July and have been trying to find employment for last 2 months. I am also dealing with 2 health issues & have been undergoing a lot of tests, which is making me feel nervous and quite stressed. All the while I am trying really hard to find a job and missing my life and all my friends in Spain. But gradually I have been trying to socialise and have joined a theatre group i like.

Today my mum asked what my 'plan' is. I said I'm trying to find a job as a priority, he just 'you need to think beyond that to reapplying at uni'. We had an argument and she said 'everything will slip away from you' meaning a stable future and I just burst into tears. The more she talked the tighter my chest felt, my heart rate went mad. My dad was grilling me the other day as well and I feel I have disappointed them both by not having my life sorted by now.

Anyway that was half an hour ago and I'm still sobbing! I am going to an induction today as I am volunteering at a book festival I love (my dad's reply was 'not paid though is it?'. No it's not but I'm trying to find a job and this helps my mental health immensely).

OP posts:

Original poster

Maria53 · 17/09/2019 21:26

I just feel so lost. I feel if I stay here i will be able to get my degree but most of my friends and my support networks are elsewhere. I can do the degree for 9 months but it's the thought of having to stay here for another year on too of that purely so I can be around for interviews.

I really feel like I have to choose between having a long term career and a life I currently happy in.

Starting over all over again is very hard, especially when mental health is a challenge. I just don't see a way out of this at the moment you are all being really helpful in talking through though

OP posts:

WrongKindOfFace · 17/09/2019 21:29

Sorry, just realised you’re in Scotland. Not sure if it’s the same there?

AnotherEmma · 17/09/2019 21:33

Can you do a teaching qualification in Spain?
Do your friends in Spain have any suggestions about options for gaining qualifications and increasing your earning power there?
Alternatively, if you were happy as you were, is it really essential for you to "progress" your career and earn more? Provided you were earning enough to live on, that is.

It sounds as if your heart really is in Spain and it's not as if your parents' support is making up for that right now.

My only concern would be getting the correct diagnosis and appropriate treatment for your medical condition, so if you have a better chance of that in the UK than in Spain, I would stay here for now.

What's your immigration status in Spain - do they have the equivalent of permanent residence or "settled status" (both of which give Europeans indefinite leave to remain in the UK - but you lose it if you live abroad for more than 2 years)

inspector1983 · 17/09/2019 21:43

Why can't u just stay in Spain and continue your job there

Almostfifty · 17/09/2019 21:47

Can you try to get a part time job and do a lot of volunteering in local schools? That way you've experience and some money and your parents see that you're working towards your PGDE.

milliefiori · 17/09/2019 21:55

There is zero pint in going to uni if you have MH issues that you want and need to get on top of. They should be your priority right now, over getting work, over getting a degree and certainly over making your parents happy or proud.

Your health matters most. Everything else stems from good health.
Next, what matters is deciding for yourself what path you'd like to take next and how you can effectively finance it, whether that's uni or TEFL or staying in UK to find a job.

Chances are your parents are just frightened for you and want the best for you but don't know what that is, so are making suggestions without realising it's pressure. But watch out for them minimising your problems. You won't get better in an environment where your problems aren't registered as mattering. You may be better off living somewhere else.

milliefiori · 17/09/2019 21:57

If you have a life you are currently happy in, why not continue that? If you enjoy TEFL, do it!

carlywurly · 17/09/2019 21:58

What about trying to get into something like marketing? I have an English degree and it gets put to use in the marketing element of my role. You can do more creative writing as a hobby or freelance sideline and there's plenty of progression opportunities or the option to study for marketing qualifications.

Just a thought.

Butchyrestingface · 17/09/2019 21:59

Would doing a masters in TESOL be any assistance in commanding a better salary? Presumably you could do that in Spain?

NoMoreMarbles · 17/09/2019 22:00

@Maria53 would you work as a TA via a teaching agency? This will stand you in good stead when applying for a PGCE in the future as it is relevant UK experience- as great as overseas experience is, UK experience is always preferable on an application for PGCE/PGDE

Worth a try if you are struggling to find something permanent...

mendokusai · 17/09/2019 22:03

Have you thought about training to teach English for Academic Purposes? There's quite a shortage of teachers and if you enjoy writing you should be good at it.

blueshoes · 17/09/2019 22:09

I really feel like I have to choose between having a long term career and a life I currently happy in.

Choose the long term career. Life is long and 2 years go by in a flash.

BTW, don't go into publishing - it is a dying industry. There is nothing
more soul destroying than not being able to find paid work or suffer job insecurity or being made redundant.

Lockheart is also right - don't fixate on something that is not working. Consider something new in a growing industry with a proper career path. It helps to unblock the paths for you to find a way through.

AnotherEmma · 17/09/2019 22:11

"Have you thought about training to teach English for Academic Purposes?"

Good idea. I don't know about Spain, but in France the university-level English teachers are well paid and don't actually have much work There is obviously a test you have to study for and pass, but it's more than doable for a native English speaker, especially one who's already teaching English.

DocusDiplo · 17/09/2019 22:12

So much mansplaining

AnotherEmma · 17/09/2019 22:14

Original poster

Maria53 · 18/09/2019 20:17

I have been invited for 2 interviews today! I am quite interested in both roles and so that gave me a bit of a lift.

I told my mum tonight when having dinner together and she grimaced and rolled her eyes as I described the first job to her. I asked what her problem was as it is in my field and she said it was far away (my theory is she actually has enjoyed having me at home and doesnt want me to leave). I look for support from my parents but it's my life at the end of the day. They love mr but have become much more critical in recent years.

OP posts:

Original poster

Maria53 · 18/09/2019 20:22

Also the first interview is for a role in education. I couldn't believe her rolling her eyes, completely unreal 😡

OP posts:

dazzlinghaze · 18/09/2019 20:40

I understand your pain regarding not getting into PGCE, I tried two years running to get into a PGDE course and wasn't successful. It's so competitive just now. Could you try and get a TA job that way you'd gain UK classroom experience and you'd be getting paid for it?

AnotherEmma · 18/09/2019 20:55

Congratulations on the interviews!
Your mother sounds like a bitch tbh.
Bring on the interviews and getting free of them ASAP!

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