Do teachers actually care?!

[ceramicbrains]

Just curious as DP is a Head of Year to Y8 and he can genuinely say he cares about each of those children very much, has gotten to know them as individuals, especially the ones he teaches as he sees them more but all of them to an extent.

He works with pastoral care at school to help the more vulnerable students, we were in South America in Summer and DP remembered a small group of students in his year group picked that particular country for their DT project so he picked up some small local souvenirs for them etc. He can truthfully say he wouldn’t leave the school until they’ve finished Y11 unless it was a genuine family emergency. Not just because he was offered a ‘better’ job.

Is this normal? Are teachers supposed to care? My DSIS is a teacher and she says it’s just a job and she doesn’t really feel anything for her students (she’s an English teacher and HOu for Y10).

AIBU to ask if you’re a teacher do you care for your students at all?

I also know of a member of staff ( not a teacher) who tells lots of parents individually “ I know I shouldn’t say anything but your xxxx ( name of parents ‘ child) is my favourite” ( said in conspiratorial whisper.

@LolaSmiles I completely agree - care but also make sure you can keep going, otherwise how will that help the kids you teach in the long run? We lose too many good teachers to burnout (particularly in less supportive schools - thankfully the staff in mine are incredible at supporting each other). I'm actively trying to set a good example of work-life balance to those in my team and show that this has no bearing whatsoever on how much I care- it just means I can be there consistently rather than going off sick with stress or leaving the profession altogether.

Of course we care. We care to the point of breakdowns and worry about our students night after night, day after day, long after they've left us. I care that they are getting the best education I can possibly provide, whilst dealing with unreasonable parents, targets and other bullshit that takes over our lives to the extent it has a huge impact on our own families. Your dsis is in the wrong job

I'm a secondary school tutor and I care so much about those kids. I'm already a little sad that they will be leaving next year. I buy them a card and a little treat on their birthdays too because I think it's a nice thing to do and it puts a little smile on their face.

I care about all of the kids that I teach, that's why sometimes I go home worrying about a kid that has a hard time at home or a kid that is worrying over their exams. I try and be a trusted person so that they can share some of the hard times that they are experiencing. I love my job and feel very lucky to have such good bonds with my classes

The ones that care tend to be younger, more rosey-eyed, inexperienced in life in general and are regularly taken the piss out of by the kids.

The ones who don't are usually older, more experienced, have seen too many kids come and go, have often gone through the caring phase and seen it rarely makes a difference. Or have had to sacrifice caring for getting grades and keeping their jobs.

Best two teachers in my department don't give a damn about the kids and yet are adored by most of them. Somehow not caring seems to breed respect.

I care less now than I used to. I still do a lot for the kids, but have my limits and, knowing that I'll be out of teaching in a few years, care even less about results/ presenteeism/ not raising my head/ doing it "for the kids" (i.e. Ofsted). The kids now like me better and I deliver better lessons.

I care but I have a cut off point.

I'm there to teach them my subject, and to look out for them generally. To my form I'm more.

But I only have so much time and attention to give so i have to be conscious that it's spent well, and not to the detriment of my own kids.

I stay til 4:30 (get in at around 7) so I can do activities with my own kids. Once a week I stay later to do homework club. I ring and email parents. I cajole, nag, praise and discipline like every other teacher doing a good job.

But I also know I cannot give as much of myself as I did years back before i had my own children.

@ballsdeep I would suggest you are in the wrong job- not ops diss. if you ‘care’ to the point of breakdown or sleepless nights then you should get out of teaching. No one should martyr themselves to teaching- no job is with sacrificing your mental health for.

My husband is a teacher, I'm in social care and I genuinely care for every single person I have supported. DH and I always have conversations about how we do care about the young people we support.

*work for social services/ care!

So depressed... I think a LOT of teachers feel this way. If you don't then lucky you.

Best two teachers in my department don't give a damn about the kids and yet are adored by most of them. Somehow not caring seems to breed respect.
I think it depends on how you show you care.
You'd be amazed how many students love and respect a teacher with their own boundaries (whatever they are) but is there day in day out, meets them at the door, delivers consistently decent lessons, wants them to do well (even if they're not big on softie pastoral chats every day), holds them to account of their conduct falls short of expectations, checks they understand the work, asks them a question in class by name.
That level of caring touches more students than someone who is very emotionally tangled in the lives of one or two.

Like you, I've seen some staff care to the point of not being respected by students because they've strayed into wannabe mates territory.

So depressed... I think a LOT of teachers feel this way. If you don't then lucky you. I'm not being a martyr, it's how so so many teachers feel

I've been retired now for 14 years but what I recall is yes, I cared about the children I taught etc ec but I got fed up with being society's punchbag when things were going wrong and it seems to have got far worse. Schools, ie teachers, are expected to compensate for poor parenting, for parents who don't care except when they can moan to the DM and get their saddo face published for a few pounds.
Schools are expected to police mobile phone useage, if your child is being taunted on a phone you bought on a site that you allow them to use, why is it the school's responsibility to sort problems?

I do care that they feel good about themselves, that they are successful but I do not think about them really outside of school and once they leave, they leave. I’ve bumped into passed pupil I don’t remember.

I like most of my pupils and I care about their wellbeing. I enjoy talking to them, teaching them and hearing about their days etc but I wouldn’t say it affects my like outside of school.

That's healthy about not affecting your life out of work tunnocks.

DH and I have a few teacher friends. Most have a fairly sensible level of caring: they care but they value their life and family time. Obviously there's a little bit of work mentioned when people ask how you are, but it's usually a bit of office chat and occasionally a funny anonynised anecdotes then everyone moves on.

One friend is incapable of not talking shop when we meet up. We have to be given run downs on who she's saving next, how she worries about Timmy, when on call had to come to her lesson, how she spent so much time on X Y Z, a blow by blow account on how she thinks certain policies are negatively affecting specific kids. Her entire identity is wrapped up in teaching, she places a huge amount of value on how the students see her, that she's the one they go to etc but I'll be honest I don't think it's healthy.

I care, but after having my own DC I've had to distance myself a bit. The mental load is too much, but I absolutely do whatever I can for them - I just can't take it all home with me. I used to stay back late, take things in, work all weekend. I can't do that now without it damaging my own family so I have to have that distance. That doesn't mean that I haven't cried all the way home because of something I've learned about a student.

It's hard. Previously I wouldn't have left my school because I'd always be leaving a group before their exams. Now, if a better opportunity came up for my family I'll leave in a heartbeat.

@ballsdeep I don’t think it’s luck. As previous posters have said it’s important to have boundaries. If teachers are worrying about kids night after night and long after they are gone then it suggests that more realistic boundaries need to be set.

Also, there is a distinction between doing what the job requires e.g lesson planning, delivery, reporting etc and the emotional labour of ‘caring for the children.. It is stressful to complete the work expected in the current uk education system however, it is possible to be an effective and efficient teacher while having clear emotional boundaries between you and he children you teach.

I'm not saying every single child and every single night, but when you hear horrific stories then of course you worry. You wouldn't be human if you didn't.

I'm in primary education and I genuinely care about the children. Some of them have a shocking time at home and I'm the person that they can rely on.

I love this quote:

I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my personal approach that creates the climate. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess tremendous power to make a student's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a student humanized or de-humanized.

Haim Ginott

Out of interest, does anybody feel so devoted to the job that they would forgo a salary?

I wouldn’t have been a healthcare professional if I didn’t get paid for it.

Who would forgo a salary unless they could afford to live without it? I have a mortgage...

I’ve been teaching primary for 20 years. I do care.
But.
In my first year of teaching I cared too much. I worried about certain kids all the time, couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about how to solve their problems, both academic and personal. Of course, I couldn’t solve everything- some of them had terrible home lives and the management’s child protection policy was woeful. Inevitably, I got ill with a horrible chest and throat infection and had to be signed off work for a couple of weeks.
Nowadays I care but I retain a certain mental distance. I leave work and I leave the children behind and care for my own children. It means I do a very good job because I’m professional. I do everything I need to do and have the energy I need to do my job well. My class make excellent progress. They enjoy coming to school. I help them with their friendship problems. The children think I love them! That’s an act. I like them, but they’re not really my kids at all are they?

@ballsdeep I actually agree with you, I think it would be hard to forget the abuse, the pain etc some children deal with the second you get home. I know it is for DP anyway.

Yes. They are my bairns, and they stay my bairns after they leave. Some are harder to like than others, but I still care.

I care most about giving them the education they need to improve their life chances - many of my kids are growing up in shitty circumstances and I feel so proud when they achieve what they want to.

However, I know there are limits and the relationship is very much teacher and pupil. My own kids come first, without a doubt, but the kids at school are still so important.

If I stopped caring I would pack it in tomorrow. Actually, I would pack it in tomorrow if I could afford to, but I would miss the kids loads.

I definitely care about my pupils. I'm a secondary teacher and genuinely care about every single pupil I teach (and some that I've only ever encountered on the corridors/on residential). I would say that's the norm for the teachers in my school, and it has been in every school I've worked in. We get frustrated, annoyed, disappointed, etc with them, because we want them to do as well as they can in our subject, or become a better citizen (that sounds crap, but I mean things like manners, being kind, etc). Some of my pupils think I don't care about them, and from their perspective, I suppose it might seem like that because I tell them off a lot of give detentions, but that's because I care too much for their education to let them ruin it if I can help it.