Do teachers actually care?!

[ceramicbrains]

Just curious as DP is a Head of Year to Y8 and he can genuinely say he cares about each of those children very much, has gotten to know them as individuals, especially the ones he teaches as he sees them more but all of them to an extent.

He works with pastoral care at school to help the more vulnerable students, we were in South America in Summer and DP remembered a small group of students in his year group picked that particular country for their DT project so he picked up some small local souvenirs for them etc. He can truthfully say he wouldn’t leave the school until they’ve finished Y11 unless it was a genuine family emergency. Not just because he was offered a ‘better’ job.

Is this normal? Are teachers supposed to care? My DSIS is a teacher and she says it’s just a job and she doesn’t really feel anything for her students (she’s an English teacher and HOu for Y10).

AIBU to ask if you’re a teacher do you care for your students at all?

Yes we care, would be a shit job if we didn’t 😂

Your DSIS is the exception in teaching. In fact, she cares do little that she's openly saying that it's just a job and she doesn't care...in this case she needs to get out of teaching then because teachers who don't care for their students shouldn't be allowed to do the job!!

My parents were both teachers and while they cared in general about the class getting on okay, I wouldn't say they really cared about each individual child. They both believed that you can't be 'friends' with the class. They have to look up to you as the authority and you won't achieve that by being friendly with them. Too many children are absolute arseholes in school...they're around their friends, they're showing off, yet as far as their parents are concerned their precious little poppets.
Teaching is just another job. My dad was a great teacher - he arrived 5 minutes before registration, and left when the final bell rang. He worked no more hours than his teaching hours. He got good grades. When he retired they had to stop offering the class as they couldn't get a replacement for him.
My mum was a great primary teacher. Some kids thought of her as a bit of a 'dragon' but ultimately that is the teacher that gets the best out of the class, not the friendly one.

My parents were good teachers, but they knew the importance of actually having a life outside of teaching hours. It's a job, not a vocation.

I care. But not to the detriment of my own life.

Now I have children I care less. I don't have time to do all the little extras. I still care about the students as people and like getting to know them.

The teacher phoning on a Saturday is all kinds of wrong. No SLT should be promoting that kind of behaviour. No wonder parents have unrealistic and unreasonable expectations.

I'm a teaching assistant and I can honestly say I care more about my students' health, happiness and mental wellbeing than I do about their grades. All the teachers I work with are the same. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night (especially in 6 week holidays) worrying about the ones who have difficult home lives. It's just as much our job to know them as people, so that we can spot signs when something is wrong.

Do we care? You think I'd put up with all the shit, the paperwork, the hours of unpaid overtime, the robbing my own dcs of time with me for other people's dc, the stress, the being the scapegoat for everyone else to have a pop at, if we didn't care?! The kids are what gets me up in the morning, what keeps me going when everything is turning to shit around me.

Might have hit a nerve with me there right now eh. 27 years at the chalkface and very touchy about this career of mine just now.

I’m not a teacher but work in a preschool. I absolutely care about all of the children I work with! I missed them in the summer holidays too! Don’t think you could do my job if you didn’t care 🤔

Unfortunately I no longer let myself care as much as I used to. It's the only way I can see myself surviving in the profession long term.

I care about the students. I want them to do well. I want them to be safe and happy. I want to all I can do within reason to help them achieve their potential.

But, and this is crucial, it is just a job. It has to be a job for me to do well in the classroom as to stick it out.

There's some entitled parents who will take take take and it's never enough. There's some bright eyed teachers who share nauseating memes about how "good teachers are like candles, they burn themselves to light the way". There's a damaging superhero saviour complex that some staff have (to generalise usually younger staff or some older staff who don't seem to manage boundaries well and end up bringing too much emotional load into their private lives). There's SLT guilt tripping in places that more and more should be given in the name of the kids.

Part of being a strong, caring teacher is that it is just a job because I'm a much better, much more effective, much more compassionate, much stronger teacher by seeing teaching as a job I enjoy, but a job nonetheless and not my whole identity. I could work as I'm doing now for 20 years and be happy. Or I could become one of these give everything, spend my weekends stewing over kids, let it take over who I am as a person teacher... And leave the profession in under 12 months

I was in teaching for 10 years and I cared very much for every child I taught, even the ones that drove me insane everyday! 😆 I would have found it very difficult to do the job had I not cared for the children in my class (and the rest of the school). Some of them I felt very protective over (for various reasons relating to horrible home lives) and I still get choked up (8 years on) when I think about the 8 year old who told me that she felt so sad and worthless that she thought she'd be better off killing herself.

I taught at primary level so I imagine that naturally brings you closer to the children rather than someone who only sees their students for an hour a week, so I can see why your sister might not feel the same kind of connection, although I'm sure there are plenty of secondary level teachers who have a very close bond with a number of their students.

I've been out of teaching for a few years now and the one thing I really miss from the job is working with the children and building a relationship with them. Teaching really is the best and worst of jobs all rolled into one.

Yes. Im a HOY. Ive just taken a cohort through from Y6 to Y11 (we used to be a high school but changed our age range 5 years ago so we kept them an extra year). Im bereft. I miss all 149 of them, even the shitbags. I cried on results day, hugged so many kids and their grateful, proud parents. It is a privilege, working in pastoral care. Its also the hardest part of teaching.

I echo everything LolaSmiles said.

I care about the children and will do my professional best to help them, but no more than doing my job very well. I will not martyr myself to teaching, not any more, as the job nearly killed me once. The more you give the system the more it demands and we need to stop covering the gaps left by destruction of the welfare system.

It is a job, you do need to enjoy teaching and like children. Being a nun or a priest is a vocation.

To the PP saying that it is weird to care about students to the point you think about them when you’re not teaching them, do you mean in general because like other PP have mentioned, there are children out there with horrifically awful home lives who you work with, surely it would be odd to not think of them from time to time like some teachers on here say they do?

Also, I haven’t meant to make anyone feel upset or that I’m attaching your profession. I’m not sure how many times I need to stress that I think you all work incredibly hard and I for one, couldn’t stay sane and be in the profession. I think you’re amazing to do what you do.

Oh and also, I forgot to ask:

Would you say it’s more normal for people who work in Primary or are more ‘connected’ to the students in Secondaries, so form tutors or head of years or KS4 teachers I suppose to be closer to their students?

It is still a job. I volunteer in a school and am applying to do a PGCE. I like the children and I do care about them but not at detriment to myself.

I used to be a healthcare professional. I always tried to empathise and be caring but I was also able to switch off after work. Again, it’s a job like any other. If they hadn’t had paid me, I wouldn’t be doing it for free.

I always see a vocation as something you are called to do by God. Nobody has a calling to work in an office admin job or retail do they?

I care deeply for the children I teach, even more so I think now I teach in infants and see the children far more every day. But even when I was teaching at secondary I did care, a lot.

However, not to the detriment to my health or my own family. I learnt the hard way a couple of times - once making myself ill in a mental health type of way, second time in an actually ending up being physically ill in hospital.

I did leave mid year one time - I left teaching entirely as I ended up feeling rubbish I was on a crash course to becoming mentally unwell. DH and my family really had to push me to do it. Not an easy choice, but at the end of the day you do have to put yourself first sometimes.

So now, I know when to take a step back, when to put myself first and when to say no. Its a really important lesson to learn, and ideally early on in your career.

I still do way too much and push myself to do things more than I should, sometimes at the expense of my health - I have a couple of long term health issues I should take more care over ideally. But its hard to try off - and I am much better than I was.

I certainly wouldn't judge another teacher for leaving their position mid year to take a job that was better for them.

No. They may think they care, but they only care about certain kids that they’ve noticed for what ever reason. In the most part and for the average kids, they don’t care. Education is a sausage machine and if you’re an average sausage the teacher is not going to care about you or even notice you. It’s nice to think otherwise bit not realistic.

**Mary Berry hit the nail on the head

I wouldn't do my job if I didn't care because it wouldn't be worth it in the slightest. The pay is nothing for the hours we do and insulting for the amount of pressure and stress we feel.

I care immensely about the kids I teach and will go above and beyond with those I know that need it because they don't get it elsewhere. I wish I could say everything I do is for the kids but I would be lying as, and I quote my new HoD "It isn't an OFSTED priority" is the answer to most of the things that would help them. I still do it because I care, not because it is my job.

This.
No one would put up with the shitstorm if they didn't care

Ludways
I think most teachers are kidding themselves if they say they care equally about every single one of their pupils,

That wasn't the question though.

But yes I don't care about all of the pupils equally, but I do care for them differently.

I care about each and every student. Yes some of them are challenging but I still want them to achieve and be the best they can be. I would be in the wrong job if I didn't feel like this.

So much I could say here. The majority of teachers care to the point where they ruin their own lives. So yes, they care.

I will not martyr myself to teaching, not any more, as the job nearly killed me once.
I agree. I career changed to teaching and nearly left in my first couple of years.

To the PP saying that it is weird to care about students to the point you think about them when you’re not teaching them, do you mean in general because like other PP have mentioned, there are children out there with horrifically awful home lives who you work with, surely it would be odd to not think of them from time to time like some teachers on here say they do?
I'll think about them when something reminds me of them.
Eg. I've been in bookshops and thought "aww Ben from Y11 3 years ago would have loved that" or I've had younger siblings turn up in my class, I recall positive anecdotes about students.
Equally, there are some students (for a range of reasons) who I'll think of a bit more, those with terrible situations that I'm supporting will get more of my emotional money that week or term. I'll go the extra mile in certain situations.

But what I won't do is spend all evening worrying, I won't spend all weekend trawling for the perfect starter for 1 person. I will do all I can (and more at times) to support in a way that provides a stable, professional adult relationship, but it has to be one the child can also manage without because otherwise I'm failing them. I can't carry all their traumas home and dump them on my family or filled my own emotional jug with worries from work so that I have no space left for my own family.

Ultimately, part of caring is having those boundaries. I've seen too many well meaning people get consumed by this superhero story. Ive seen students really struggle with change because one self style superhero has left and the student finds themselves back at square one because that adult was their emotional crutch and sticky plaster but didn't actually help the child learn how to develop positive adult relationships.

Part of being a good teacher (or any other job working with vulnerable groups) is the ability to set boundaries so you can do your job well for those who need it.

This is my 10th year in teaching since I qualified, all at the same school. It has students from one of the most deprived areas in the country (just a few miles away from a really wealthy area). I don't see how I could be a decent human being if I didn't care about those kids. I definitely have a stronger bond with KS4 and 5 though (spend more time with them, have known them for longer).

It is a vocation. I'm pregnant and feeling a bit lost as I won't be there for most of this academic year. Scared for how to go back afterwards without burning out but can't imagine not going back either. Being pregnant (and therefore knackered) has definitely made me spend less time working though - but it's because I'm being more efficient, and I'm still focusing on what is best for my students - I've definitely not stopped caring! Why on earth would I do this job for the pay that it has otherwise?!

The vast majority of teachers at my school feel the same (as the ones that don't care enough find it too difficult and move swiftly onto pastures new). The ones that find it hard but do care talk with more experienced staff and together we help them find their own way forward.

I do think some parents get the wrong end of the stick though. They think such and such teacher adores their “little Johnnie” and has a particularly close bond with them. I’m sure parents want to think that but I imagine most teachers care about all their pupils and try not to show/ entertain the concept of favouritism. There was a mum recently who bragged about her son getting a special letter from a teacher who had just left because apparently this teacher “really loved” her son in particular. The other parents and I all looked at each other in disbelief at the arrogance of this parent (as the departing teacher had sent all the pupils a lovely, individual leaving note.)