To be pissed off with DH?

[nobodylikesacockwomble]

So imagine you're a man. The baby is full of cold and has been up all night (you slept on the sofa so had a lovely full night's sleep), both kids have been crying and mardy all day. You're going out for a meal with your friends tonight (by yourself), and one of them asks if you'd like to stay over at theirs. Your wife has been up all night with the baby and had to deal with both kids all day. When you mention staying at your friend's tonight she says 'whatever, do what you want' (in a very pissed off voice). What would you do?

Obviously DH did what he wanted and is now out with his friends and staying overnight, whereas I'm dealing with the poorly baby who has been up 3 times since she went to bed, and bracing myself to be sleeping in her room tonight.

AIBU to be royally pissed off at DH for staying out? I know I said he could do what he wanted but obviously didn't mean it!!

What a shitty thing to do.

It won't get better.

His already established sense of entitlement will only grow.

He's a first class knob! YANBU, I don't think I'd forgive that very quickly

Well you said what he wanted you to say regardless of pissed off voice and if you complain, he’ll just say you agreed.
No, I wouldn’t be happy either.

Well, I would stop fucking about with the "do what you want" bullshit and tell him the truth...

To be fair you could have just asked him to stay home. He's taken advantage of you.

Yes he's a useless entitled knob. But why be so passive aggressive? Just text him saying "it's all going shit, come here pull your weight".

You should’ve just told him how you felt.

This is not someone who is considering your needs, let alone putting them in front of his own. What a knob. Hugs to you, OP.

Don’t say things you don’t mean then.
If you really wanted him to stay home then you should have said so.

I would be pissed off, but you did tell him to do what he wanted! Men are very simple creatures, you have to say what you mean.

Instead of saying "Whatever do what you want!" you should have said, "You cheeky fekking git! Get upstairs and look after your children!" Men don't understand 'hints' or 'tones'.

So why did you say, "Do whatever you want," if you didn't mean it? And why hasn't he been dealing with the kids today so you could catch up on some sleep before he went out?

He should be parenting his kids, not leaving you to do it all. I suggest tomorrow when he gets back you dump the kids on him and either go out or go to bed.

Maybe you could have told him how you felt. But it's more on him - he should have wanted to stay and help. In his shoes I couldn't enjoy myself knowing everyone else in my family was miserable at home and my actions were making it worse

Plan your own night out with friends to make yourself feel better? It's annoying that he didn't think and realise you need respite, the real test is if you tell him that, what will he do?

Yes he’s a knob but you possibly could’ve prevented it by just speaking to him like an adult and saying actually you need him home.

Now he won’t understand why you’re annoyed because you “gave him permission” and will think you’re being unreasonable.

Bollocks to that. DH wouldn’t have even mentioned it, he’d have already declined the overnight invitation due to wanting to share the workload, without involving me at all. Then again he’d likely have postponed the dinner too if it was at all possible. Not all men are “simple creatures”, but sadly too many of them are.

It’s worth having a serious talk with him about his priorities and whether you are a team first / individual second, or the other way around. Ask him why he felt it was OK to even think about staying out given the previous rubbish night and day. Hugs and flowers, hope baby gets better soon.

Perhaps he shouldn't have gone out but being all passive aggressive with him isn't going to help!

Why not just tell him how you feel?

He obviously shouldn't have done that, but you should also be advocating for yourself better instead of being passive aggressive.

I'd have told him to stay home and parent his kids while I got some sleep. And he would do so

Shit in his shoe.

I learnt very quickly that saying stuff like "do what you want" etc just doesn't work. You say it because you want HIM to make the right choice, the unselfish choice. Be he won't, he'll literally do whatever he wants to do. I started saying exactly how I felt so my response would be "no, I think staying over night would be taking the piss when you've already left me to struggle all last night and all day today and the kids are really struggling too".

Ermm...why did you say "do what you want" when you didn't want him to do what he wanted?

Sorry, but if you're going to be passive aggressive instead of simply saying "I'd really rather you didn't. I've been coping with the poorly kids all day, and I got no sleep last night. I really need you to help if they wake again tonight" then frankly, it serves you right.

Of course you shouldn't have had to say he couldn't go! You're not his mother. He shouldn't have even asked given the circumstances.

Ring him up and tell him you're exhausted, need to sleep and it's his turn to stay up. You shouldn't have to tell him his role and responsibilities but as he is choosing to ignore them, you may as well.

Why would you say "do what you want"?
Makes absolutely no sense when you need help at home.
Don't say shit you don't mean.

Men don't understand 'hints' or 'tones'. >> I don't agree with this.