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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - secondary and Santa

206 replies

obviouslymarvellous · 14/09/2019 15:46

So yesterday my ds (year 7) told me that his RE teacher had told them that Santa was made up and nonsense. Now I'm not being a snowflake or anything and we had already told him that Santa only comes to younger children and he himself would be being Santa this year for his younger sisters, so I'm a little bit peeved that a teacher has spoiled it all. Ds said a few girls were crying in the class. I just don't think it's a teachers responsibility to tell children about Santa it's a parental job but maybe AIBU? Confused

OP posts:
Morado · 15/09/2019 00:39

Oh this santa stuff does my head in. My DD will probably be the one who tells all her class mates he's not real 😂

They'll get over it.

TheKarateKitty · 15/09/2019 00:53

@SachaStark
“Mind you, at nearly thirty years old, I’m still holding out hope for that Hogwarts letter one day...”

Well, I have found a Wizard Academy in Texas, so surely there’s hope. Grin
Not my pic, btw.

OP, Another kid probably has told your son Santa is a myth by now anyway. YABU

I swear, I when I read the post, Pink Floyds “Mother” went through my mind.

GunpowderGelatine · 15/09/2019 00:57

Do kids seriously believe in Santa - to the point of tears - by secondary school?! Or are they just trying to please their parents in the hope they don't stop getting presents, so they pretend they believe?

HiJenny35 · 15/09/2019 01:03

Loads of kids still believe at the start of secondary. I'm surprised so many of you don't know that and it's very bad form of the teacher to have said anything especially an re teacher. We all know to say "people believe in different things". I'm not sure how believing in Santa is any more ridiculous than believing in most of the religious stories.

HiJenny35 · 15/09/2019 01:06

Morado then try to raise her not to be such a horrible child. Why would you be ok with your child purposely spoiling something people are enjoying, that's vile. Talk to her now and explain that people mature at different rates and that some still believe and it's nice for them so we don't spoil it for them or upset them. If she can't understand that then you need to do some serious work on being kind and thoughtful.

WhoArtinHeaven · 15/09/2019 01:08

Jesus, what a bunch of miserable so-and-so's on this thread. I"m pretty sure I still believed in year 7. Although I may be a special case as I was still putting mince pies and sherry out untill I left home. Grin I loved the magic of Christmas Eve, it's bloody wonderful and I don't know why there is an obsessive need on Mumsnet to take that away from children ASAP.
But I agree with you anyway OP, it's not really a teacher's role. I don't think you are a snowflake. But clearly in the minority!

cheriseb · 15/09/2019 01:16

Jesus Christ! Seriously?? There is no way I believe that children in year 7 were crying. I'm even more surprised that there are children that age that don't know Santa Claus is BS . Yes you are being a big snowflake

MiniMum97 · 15/09/2019 01:32

Yr 7! He should have been told years ago. I cannot believe girls were crying!

ShippingNews · 15/09/2019 05:53

I bet the "crying girls" were little drama queens who were putting on an act - Ohh Noooo ! Santa isn't reeeeeeall !!! And having a little giggle when they get the desired attention, lol.

TORDEVAN · 15/09/2019 06:28

I think YANBU. at that age I knew santa wasn't real but liked the magic of pretending he was. My teacher told me he wasn't real and that really disappointed me and ruined the magic.

I'm of the opinion that people shouldn't say he's not real and spoil any magic that's left - children will figure it out or parents decide when children should know. Let the magic remain whilst it can. We're not children for long!

Beautiful3 · 15/09/2019 06:33

My friend told both her children the truth about Santa, after one got into an argument (hes real vs no hes not) with a group at secondary school. She advised me to tell them before they start secondary school as her daughter was teased mercilessly for believing in santa at age 12 by other kids. My eldest asked me if santa was real at age 9, I asked how she would feel if he wasn't? She said it was fine so I told her the truth, but not to tell her little sister.

TildaTurnip · 15/09/2019 06:48

Find it massively hypocritical for an RE teacher to tell kids Santa isn't real

Why? RE teachers aren’t religious leaders-this bizarre misconception has been addressed already a couple of times in this thread.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 15/09/2019 06:51

It should be a flimsy story which kids can work out is rubbish themselves, then there is no ‘telling’ them and no trauma. And it’s certainly all done by 11!

I think this is the issue, people make it so believable now! Especially with the addition of elf on a shelf etc. When I was a child Santa was a bit of a joke and there was no upset when I realised he didn't exist. It didn't change anything and I still put the roses chocs, carrots and whiskey (we don't do sherry or mince pies at my house) on the mantle before bed until I left home at 18. Just a bit of fun.

AnnaMariaDreams · 15/09/2019 07:04

I believed when I was 11. I remember finding out around that age and I did cry.
I Hope DS believes until that sort of age too. If you find out late like I did, you always feel Christmas excitement on Christmas Eve. DH and I do Santa for each other now.

Deadheadstickeronacadillac · 15/09/2019 08:59

Really @CadburysCremeSmeggs , which type of God would you like proven?
Hindu, Sikh, Muslim?
Objective existence of God or Subjective existence of God?
Using inductive logic or deductive logic?
A priori or a posteriori?
God as a social construct or some sort of Supreme Deity?
Deist understanding or Theistic understanding?

I am an RE teacher and teach proof of God in all of these different from Year 7 onwards...the only difference is the language used for each age group.
Please try to understand that RE is not about telling people what to believe, in the same way that teaching people about fascism in History lessons is not about making them into proto-Hitlers.

FWIW I have no faith whatsoever...

Original poster
obviouslymarvellous · 15/09/2019 09:13

Thanks for the nicer replies! I really don't see why the need for the nasty comments, the usual Mumsnet let's pounce on the op vitriol. I am not a snowflake and I really don't see the need to be so nasty but each to their own. I think personally it's sad that some parents are very quick to ruin the magic of Christmas and their children grow up too quick. That wasn't the point of my thread though, it was all about the fact why would a teacher feel it's their responsibility? As I said ds was fine about it. And as for the op who sad kids were having sex at 12, what kind of school was that? Everyone is always moaning on about children growing up too quick and yet here most of you are saying you would tell your children at 7/8 that Santa isn't real?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 15/09/2019 09:19

Although I may be a special case as I was still putting mince pies and sherry out untill I left home. grin I loved the magic of Christmas Eve, it's bloody wonderful and I don't know why there is an obsessive need on Mumsnet to take that away from children ASAP.
My year 11s love the magic of Christmas Eve and put carrots and mince pies out. Woe betide anyone at secret santa time who says he isn't real. They'd get lynched because everyone knows he's real.
that's the Christmas magic. The ability to play along and enjoy the season.
You don't have to maintain a convoluted lie and try to prevent kids from the truth to keep the magic.
That wasn't the point of my thread though, it was all about the fact why would a teacher feel it's their responsibility?
The teacher didn't sit there and decide "it's my responsibility to rid the belief of santa, mwahaha now Christmas is ruined".
They were teaching a lesson and made a fairly standard assumption that most kids in secondary school know he isn't real.

When I was a kid we worked it out ourselves, parents confirmed it and we still played along.
Now we have super over invested parents with their elves on shelves, Santa cams, videos from santa who aim to make the whole thing real, get annoyed at any hint to your child it's not real. The problem with that is at someone point you've got to be prepared to tell your kid not only is it a nice Christmas story but you've spent years going out of your way to perpetuate the lie. Whose benefit is the charade for?

ShiftHappens · 15/09/2019 09:20

oh, the 'magic of christmas' Hmm

do you also keep the magic alive by telling your DS that we celebrate Xmas because I virgin was impregnated by an imaginary sky god?

the teacher did the poor students a favour of nothing else..

bellinisurge · 15/09/2019 09:23

Op, my terribly naice prom and proper polite sweet conservative sister told her emotionally sensitive son about Santa before he started his terribly naice grammar school nearly 20 years ago. It is not a new thing It is only fair to prepare your kids.
Telling a secondary school child about Santa reality isn't destroying the "let kids be kids" idea.
It's helping kids grow up and being a trusted voice that they can rely on.
Said sensitive son is now a grown up copper.

tommyshaircut · 15/09/2019 09:28

The magic of Christmas, kids growing up too quick. Your child will be a teenager soon, grow up.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 15/09/2019 09:29

Most children guess very young, they really aren’t stupid and pretend for their parents sake. I remember actually having a conversation with school friends at primary that we wouldn’t tell our parents that we knew, children are desperate to grow up and parents want to keep them young. Like the tooth fairy, children are very quick to pick up that that’s is BS because one child gets £1 another £2 or whatever but letting on gets you £0. 11/12 y o crying over this revelation is just attention seeking in the hope they will get something out of it.

Aprillygirl · 15/09/2019 09:42

It's horrible-for we,the parents mainly I suspect-when your kids stop believing in the magic of Christmas, but I actually think you're doing a disservice to them to let them go to secondary school still believing in Santa. Kids get bullied for a lot less. And tbh I think I'd be a bit worried about my child if they hadn't sussed out for themselves that he wasn't real by 11!

SistersOfMerci · 15/09/2019 09:50

I've not read the comments but ffs children at secondary should not be supporting fairy tales like Santa.

Our kids need to learn important things in life and it starts in secondary, teachers are there to teach facts.

And we wonder why society seems to be becoming dumbed down.

doublebarrellednurse · 15/09/2019 09:54

Gosh. I wonder how kids will cope in the face of the tooth fairy and Easter bunny coverups

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 15/09/2019 09:55

My 11 year old believes in Santa. However, I won’t be letting her go to secondary without actually having that conversation with her- it wouldn’t be fair, she’d be teased mercilessly.

I don’t think the teacher is out of line tbh, it’s a pretty good assumption that by y7 the kids will know.

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