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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being asked for professional favour by a total stranger

125 replies

LavenderHills · 14/09/2019 13:12

I work as an advisor for a fairly high-profile MP. Last night I met a close friend for a drink and she had another friend with her, who I had never met before. The drink was a last-minute thing and I knew she had the friend with her, so no problem. We're all having a nice chat and then the other friend, out of nowhere, asks me if I could organise an internship with my boss for her uni student DD. I felt uncomfortable having been asked this by a total stranger, but politely explained that we don't take interns and never have. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept saying "All I'm hearing is that you've never had interns before now. Surely you could make it happen?" When I tried to change the subject, she said "Look how she's trying to avoid the question!" I shut it down and ended up leaving early as I felt really awkward. AIBU for being annoyed at my friend for putting me in that position? I don't think she organised it on purpose and I know she can't control the behaviour of her friend, but she could have backed me up when I was saying no and trying to change the subject!

OP posts:
ChristmasBrisket · 14/09/2019 13:15

Sounds really uncomfortable.

By the sounds of it you weren’t trying to avoid the question, you’d answered the question and were trying to move on!

Shesellsseashellsontheseashore · 14/09/2019 13:16

I hope your friend has sent you a message apologising! What an obnoxious woman the other person was. Your friend should have seriously or jokingly backed you up when it happened.

PapayaCoconut · 14/09/2019 13:16

Jesus, what a CF...

Templetonstunafish · 14/09/2019 13:17

I hate belligerent people who don't take a hint! I think your mutual friend should have told her to knock it off.

ChristmasBrisket · 14/09/2019 13:17

Perhaps your friend was completely blindsided by what happened? I don’t see anything wrong with the woman asking you, but you explained the situation and she should have thanked you and moved on to discuss something else. Maybe your friend was as taken aback as you were?

NearlyGranny · 14/09/2019 13:21

I think the CF friend of a friend mistook you for a politician, OP!

"I'm not avoiding the question, I'm trying to avoid further embarrassment for you later when you look back on this encounter," would have been an appropriate response. How astonishingly rude and grabby!

Angelf1sh · 14/09/2019 13:21

It depends how long it went on for tbh. If it was a couple of times of asking, I think I’d cut your friend some slack. If she was pressuring you for an hour or more then your friend should have shut it down.

I can understand this person taking a chance on asking but not taking no for an answer is completely unreasonable. I could see your friend being a bit shocked and embarrassed by what she was doing and feeling too flustered to say anything.

billy1966 · 14/09/2019 13:23

I would be well pissed off at that. Extremely rude. You said No. That's it. I would be telling my friend I was not one bit impressed with her friend and that I most definitely don't want to be in her company again.
Extremely bloody rude.

walkintheparc · 14/09/2019 13:23

Uncomfortable perhaps but extremely normal and you should probably expect it. I work in marketing and am asked constantly to give people's children/nieces etc internships or help with cvs or interview prep etc. Just work out a good way to say no when you need to. It's a nice thing to do if you can and you have the time and you never know if they can do you a big favour later down the line...

Loopytiles · 14/09/2019 13:24

Not your friend’s fault her friend was rude.

RB68 · 14/09/2019 13:25

Generally if people are that rude I front it back and say - well yes of course I am as you don't seem to be able to no for an answer and no fuck off is considered rude even though in actual fact you are being a cheeky fucker to even once I have said no.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 14/09/2019 13:27

polite doesn't work for people like that...you should have laughed at her utter rudeness and reflected her manner back at her.

A flat almost hostile "I already said no" with a hard stare is a very good thing to have in your repertoire.

balonzz · 14/09/2019 13:27

Hmm...I wonder if the OPs friend did know what her friend was going to ask. It all seems a bit contrived and intense to be a spur-of-the-moment request.

MrsRufusdog789 · 14/09/2019 13:27

YANBU
This woman was invited along as an extra to you and your friend's relaxing drink date.
Instead of being just that she made it a stressful occasion . She sounds obnoxious. Particularly as she didn't appear to know the meaning of the word no . I'm surprised your friend didn't intervene and think that she passively allowed this ambush of your downtime . She owes you an apology and I hope she offers one .

Original poster
LavenderHills · 14/09/2019 13:36

My friend has sent a follow-up message along the lines of "Sorry about that. She's just a bit intense." I haven't replied yet because I feel quite cross.

I think my friend is quite conflict-avoidant and probably felt shocked herself, as some of you have mentioned, but I would have appreciated a bit more back-up.

Regarding what I said, I was firm but polite, as I didn't want to make things difficult for my friend. However, in hindsight I rather wish I'd given up on the politeness and used some of the excellent lines posters have suggested! I won't be agreeing to see that particular friend-of-a-friend again, but if a similar situation ever arises I shall now be well prepared thanks to Mumsnet Grin

OP posts:
Itsallpetetong · 14/09/2019 13:39

I would have appreciated a bit more back-up

I wouldn’t jump in in that situation either as I would assume my friend could handle things herself.

Don’t be cross at your friend, it isn’t her fault other friend is pushy.

Loopytiles · 14/09/2019 13:43

Yeah, pointless being annoyed with your friend. As an adult you didn’t need her “back up”.

BumbleBeee69 · 14/09/2019 13:48

Your friend is a dick for putting you in that position.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/09/2019 13:50

I'm not avoiding the question, I'm trying to avoid further embarrassment for you later when you look back on this encounter

In all my years of being pushed for work related "favours" I've never heard a comeback as good as that ... but I have now, and am definitely going to pinch it!! Smile

Uraflutteringcunt · 14/09/2019 13:51

Look how she's trying to avoid the question.

“Look how she’s being a rude bastard, I’ve answered you now fuck off.

Bye Celia, see you Friday” and flounce.

Original poster
LavenderHills · 14/09/2019 13:55

Bye Celia, see you Friday” and flounce.

Thanks for the laugh @Uraflutteringcunt
I think I need to flounce more often Grin

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 14/09/2019 13:56

"The drink was a last-minute thing ..."
So did she invite you? And at the CF's behest? I'd be unimpressed.

Original poster
LavenderHills · 14/09/2019 13:59

@WhereYouLeftIt No, I invited her. We agreed around lunchtime to have a drink after work, and at 4pm-ish she asked if her friend could come too. I didn't think anything if it, we often make arrangements like that and I'm normally very relaxed about being joined by friends-of-friends.

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 14/09/2019 14:00

Overbearing ratbag! Why didn’t you just say no instead of scuttling off early?

timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 14:01

YANBU. Your friend is a dick for not backing you up.

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