Being asked for professional favour by a total stranger

[LavenderHills]

I work as an advisor for a fairly high-profile MP. Last night I met a close friend for a drink and she had another friend with her, who I had never met before. The drink was a last-minute thing and I knew she had the friend with her, so no problem. We're all having a nice chat and then the other friend, out of nowhere, asks me if I could organise an internship with my boss for her uni student DD. I felt uncomfortable having been asked this by a total stranger, but politely explained that we don't take interns and never have. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept saying "All I'm hearing is that you've never had interns before now. Surely you could make it happen?" When I tried to change the subject, she said "Look how she's trying to avoid the question!" I shut it down and ended up leaving early as I felt really awkward. AIBU for being annoyed at my friend for putting me in that position? I don't think she organised it on purpose and I know she can't control the behaviour of her friend, but she could have backed me up when I was saying no and trying to change the subject!

From someone that I've literally just met, who tagged along for a social drink with a mutual drink, I would find this behaviour "forward", yes.

Weird. Happens in business all the time.

"Look how she's trying to avoid the question!" rude cow!

It's not the asking that's rude, although it's a bit forward but asking politely would be OK if you hedged it with "I know it's a lot to ask but on the off-chance" etc, so you give the person a way out.

What's off-the-scale rude is not taking no for an answer, continuing to push it and then criticising OP for not wanting to carry on talking about it!

Do some people forget that they are asking a favour??? Bloody hell.

I am going to disagree with everyone else on this thread. Why doesn't your office offer internships? It's an excellent way for people who don't have lots of opportunities in life to learn about different careers and possibilities. Sometimes moving away from the status quo can be a good thing.
I recently saw a lecture by Valorie Kondos Fields, the inspiring gymnastics coach who recently retired from UCLA. One of her big talking points was to say that you will never move forward in life if you don't ask for things.
It does sound like this woman wasn't as polite or diplomatic as she could have been, but it's hardly the crime of the century. But I suppose that's how you become an advisor of a high-ranking MP....you never do anything that's controversial or out of line and instead make sure that the world stays the same forever.

Big difference between knocking doors and pushing boundaries for yourself and your mummy screwing it up and burning bridges.

That’s true enough. But ambushing someone and (extremely ignorantly, actually) refusing to take no for an answer is inexcusable at the same time. Not the way to do it.

Again, it's not the asking that's so terrible, it's the entitled attitude.

I'm a professional who might well try to help out in a situation like this, depending on the details, and wouldn't mind being asked at all. I'd help if I could, and if the asking wasn't presumptive and rude. But if I couldn't help, that should be the end of it.

It's an excellent way for people who don't have lots of opportunities in life to learn about different careers and possibilities.

Or from another POV internships are just a leg up from people you know, which is only an option for those who have a wealthy enough background to not need to be paid while they're doing it. There's a strong argument that they help to perpetuate inequality.

There are lots of reasons an office might not want to take interns - confidentiality, nobody having the capacity to supervise them. And if you did there is a strong case for doing it via an open application scheme rather than the socially exclusive 'friends of friends' system.

@SofiaAmes We don't offer unpaid internships because they can be exploitative (people should be paid for their work) and also perpetuate an unfair system where the ability to work without pay is the only way to get a leg up in your chosen industry.

We do on occasion offer paid part-time work to students, but the process for this is based on merit and not due to who your mum knows.

Dear god, you just met someone casually and you come over all probing, asking for favours, questioning someone's professionalism 'WHY don't you have internships?' FFS, that's fucking rude and offensive. Do you meet friends of friends who are doctors and start pumping them for professional advice and favours? Cheeky AF and rude, basically communicating the person is just something for you to conveniently use for your own ends.

Good for you and your MP OP. I’m with you all the way on unpaid internships.

Agree. Any internships should be advertised, and paid.

I thought internships weren't allowed anymore with MPs as it's unpaid labour? [misses point]

I think she was cheeky and rude.
I wonder if she sort of pushed your mutual friend into inviting her along so she could ask.
Asking you out of the blue is just about forgivable - "shy bairns get nowt" and all that - but then refusing to take no for an answer and especially the "Look how she's trying to avoid the question" is extremely rude.
She could have asked for help and advice in a more polite way - such as asking if there are any internships to work with MPs and if so where should her daughter apply.
I agree with you and your MP on the unpaid internships anyway. It's exploitative and excludes those who can't afford to spend months in London working for nothing.
I also think that Mummy asking should exclude the candidate anyway as it isn't showing any kind of get up and go from the young person anyway. The young person should be phoning around and writing letters.

Apologies just seen last few posts!

CF. 💯%

I disagree. I think that unpaid internships are an excellent way to learn about a profession and just because they are not paid with money doesn't mean that they aren't giving all sorts of intangible benefits like experience and an understanding of a profession. I became an architect because my mom met a guy at an art gallery and asked him to take me on as an intern. I spent several months interning for him a few hours a day and left with knowledge about a profession that I had previously known very little about and something that I could put on my resume.
Having said all of that why didn't you explain to the woman what the process was for getting an internship instead of just being dismissive and rude to her. It seems like you do have internships, but they can only be accessed by people who already know how to navigate the process, which hardly sounds inclusive to me.

Your friend has no reason to apologise for someone else's behaviour. If you are unhappy with the way someone is speaking to you, you are the person that has to handle that, not your friend. It is not your friend or anyone else's responsibility to do so.

Having said all of that why didn't you explain to the woman what the process was for getting an internship instead of just being dismissive and rude to her.

Because there was no process. It's not something they do, as was explained to her, repeatedly.

In what way was the OP "rude"?

Were you drinking with Sofia last night, OP? . Fecking unbelievable to ask for favours from strangers and then get the arse when they tell you 'NO!' and keep pushing. Rude AF. When someone tells you NO you back off.

I think that unpaid internships are an excellent way to learn about a profession and just because they are not paid with money doesn't mean that they aren't giving all sorts of intangible benefits like experience

yes they are a fantastic opportunity but why should that opportunity only be afforded to people who knows someone whose friend works for an MP?

also it is much easier for arabella or rupert to take an unpaid internship than someone whose parents are on a zero contracts job and who cannot fund them to take unpaid work.

Why doesn't your office offer internships? It's an excellent way for people who don't have lots of opportunities in life to learn about different careers and possibilities.

It's not usually those who don't have opportunities who do internships, though. They are usually unpaid and only people with financially supportive families can afford to do them.

zero hours contract job

And who would agree to someone being an intern when they had to get their mummy to ask for it anyway? Smacks of someone not smart or brave enough to be let out on their own yet. Perhaps someone should tell the rude madam this.

Paid internships which are advertised are fine, but unpaid internships hugely favour the wealthy.

She was v rude! Glad your friend agrees!

SofiaAmes but can’t you see how unfair that system is? You could happily afford to spend hours a day at an architect’s office soaking up knowledge, which your mum was fortunate enough to set up for you by meeting somebody at an art exhibition.

What about the teen who may be just as enthusiastic about architecture, however their mum works doesn’t have time to walk around art galleries approaching random strangers; and the teen actually needs to work a paid job to help out with the bills?