Being asked for professional favour by a total stranger

[LavenderHills]

I work as an advisor for a fairly high-profile MP. Last night I met a close friend for a drink and she had another friend with her, who I had never met before. The drink was a last-minute thing and I knew she had the friend with her, so no problem. We're all having a nice chat and then the other friend, out of nowhere, asks me if I could organise an internship with my boss for her uni student DD. I felt uncomfortable having been asked this by a total stranger, but politely explained that we don't take interns and never have. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept saying "All I'm hearing is that you've never had interns before now. Surely you could make it happen?" When I tried to change the subject, she said "Look how she's trying to avoid the question!" I shut it down and ended up leaving early as I felt really awkward. AIBU for being annoyed at my friend for putting me in that position? I don't think she organised it on purpose and I know she can't control the behaviour of her friend, but she could have backed me up when I was saying no and trying to change the subject!

The more helpful thing would have been to explain how internships were accessed instead of simply shutting her down with the statement that there are none (which she later goes on to explain isn't in fact true.)

^

No. The more helpful thing would have been told her to fuck off with her unreasonable requests.

The OP owes no-one an apology for anything, especially not a fucking dialogue on the availability of sodding internships in the UK!

if Seema's mom works in the post office and the editor of the FT comes in frequently to pick up his Wall Street Journal, then maybe Seema's mom can ask him if he could help Seema out

Says somebody who fundamentally does not understand the British class system.

The editor of the FT does not want the child of a post office worker interning for him. He wants “his sort”, the child of his friends, who he knows can already behave in polite society. Not some pleb. This is why the public school network is so powerful. And post office workers would not generally push their children forward to take internships so far out of their current sphere.

(I use the editor of the FT as an example, I don’t know him and for all I know he is a lovely man who offers internships to working class BAME kids all the time. Fact remains that most people in positions of power appoint people like themselves).

Too bad you can't climb into your wayback machine and when the nasty lady said, "Look how she's trying to avoid the question!" you could have said, "My point exactly."

I think a few posters could do with reading Pierre Bordieux.

My friends long term GF is like this. She just goes on and on and often doesn’t understand the subtleties. She really likes me because I’ll often just be straight and say “oh man, you’re being a total nag tonight, back off”. She takes it very well because she needs someone to tell her.

And she prefers that over the eye rolling and question dodging of our other friends who just hope she’ll get the message. Obviously you can’t go back in time but being straight with someone who is pushing and pushing, often cuts straight to the heart of the matter and you all walk away feeling better about it.

I get asked quite often. Your friend apologised and you prob won’t see this other person again so sorted hopefully?

My nephew asked his MP, not for internship but to spend a few days at HOC observing. Not problem at all, he rang constituency office, MP fine with it, everyone happy. Didn't know him beforehand. Your friend's friend sounds an absolute mannerless nightmare and you are owed a fulsome apology. Ambushes in your own time are an outrage.

I'm not avoiding the question, I'm trying to avoid further embarrassment for you later when you look back on this encounter

This wot @NearlyGranny said is brilliant & worth remembering incase anyone is ever in a similar position

Generally speaking, though, I would only ever ask a contact, especially such a chance contact as that , if they could suggest anyone to talk about 'whatever the favour is'

In this way, the contact is made without embarrassment and it is easier in future to follow up 'is there anyone I could ask' it gives the person the opportunity to think about it and then possibly offer themselves.

Ah, then I RTFT and spotted that @Puzzledandpissedoff got there first

Not to worry, FinallyHere ... when something's so worth having I'm sure we can all share it

😀

@Puzzledandpissedoff

A very model of graciousness 😀

I’d have been annoyed too . Totally reasonable to ask the question but you clearly said no .

I think I might have replied: “I don’t know anything about your daughter except that she has a rude and pushy mother. It doesn’t bode well”.

Always easier to think of comebacks at home though

And before anyone says it, yes I would be that direct to someone’s face.

I interned for an MP who became high profile later. I had to apply myself., after sourcing the information. It was a part time internship so I could work as well, think they pay interns now though. The thing is, the daughter could get an internship if she applied herself after researching which MPs take interns. It's a bit embarrassing for her that her mum wanted to get it for her.

Also, yeah, that is rude. I hope you're OK. Wouldn't blame friend though,

By apply myself, I mean fill in the application myself, write emails, etc, rather than the stock phrase apply myself, iyswim.

I spent several months interning for him a few hours a day and left with knowledge about a profession that I had previously known very little about and something that I could put on my resume.

Who paid your rent, phone bill, gas, electric, food, clothes, fun etc during this time?

I could probably steel myself up to ask a stranger in those circumstances (I may have to - DS1 is at that stage ), and I don't think that's unreasonable. But I would certainly take 'No' as 'No' and not keep on about it.

@LavenderHills This woman WAS a CF. And a pretty horrible arrogant one too.

She had no right to ask at all, fucking cheek of it.

As an aside I HATE it when I arrange to meet someone, (just the 2 of us) and they bring someone else along (who I don't know and have never met!.) Fucks me right off. I know some people come out with that tired old bollocks chestnut 'the more the merrier,' but it's not true in many cases.

It certainly is not true when someone you arrange to meet, brings someone along who you have never met/don't know... When someone else tags along (that you weren't expecting,) it changes the dynamic completely.

I think it's a pretty shitty thing to do to someone; to arrange to meet them and bring someone else along who they don't know. Arrange another meeting with that other person, and don't be so rude and thoughtless and inconsiderate.

Outrageously rude and entitled. The cheek! Then getting narky when refused! Love some of the responses on the thread though. Just about on the line to ask but to push it is just utterly cringe. I would be put out at friend putting me in that position bet she knew. Seems like an ambush

I could probably steel myself up to ask a stranger in those circumstances (I may have to - DS1 is at that stage)

Why can't DS1 make his own approaches as a matter of interest?

Asking a stranger for a favour out of the blue is monumentally rude and unreasonable. Approaching a stranger through appropriate channels (i.e. not in a social setting) is much more reasonable.

I find it really rude that she asked at all. It's up to her dd to sort it out, not her mother.
If you were good friends and she asked your advice on the matter, that's different.
Cf didn't kow you and had never met, so was a random person.

I can see why this generation are such snowflakes when mummy still has to do everything for them as adults.

I don't see that there would have been any harm in asking advice on how to apply for internships/jobs etc., but that's not what this woman did, is it.

If I met someone who was in a line of work that I, DH or any of my kids wanted to get into, I'd definitely ask them what was the best way to go about it - opportunity to do so, take it! But I would NOT push them to create an opportunity, especially if they told me they didn't do that. I'd just listen to what they said (If anything, they might just say "google it, it's pretty straightforward) and that would be fine.