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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell in laws they can't visit

82 replies

fireworkbaby · 14/09/2019 12:19

Got back from holiday last night (very busy, non stop with 2 year old plus 33 weeks pregnant with pgp so not exactly a relaxing holiday). Exhausted, have a cold, loads of laundry, shopping errands etc to do today and tomorrow before back at work on Monday. MIL has just rang DH to ask if they can come up and visit for the day (2.5 hour journey each way so would need to come for several hours to make it worthwhile, would take up the whole day). Apparently they are busy other weekends this month so this is only one they can do. House will need a good clean to get it guest ready but DH has said he would do this. DH would like to see them and sure DS would enjoy it too but would mean tomorrow would be a write off and I just want to rest and slowly get sorted before work tomorrow. AIBU to say it's too short notice and another weekend would be better? Not sure why this could not have been discussed earlier and feeling a bit sad at the prospect of my chilled out weekend being taken away?

OP posts:
bunnypenny · 14/09/2019 12:22

Why don’t you take yourself out for a spa day/cinema etc and let DH hold the fort with your DS and Make yourself scare and get some much needed relaxation (tell the ILs it’s been planned for ages)

DDiva · 14/09/2019 12:24

Why not get them to meet up at a local attraction so you get the house to yourself to do your jobs in peace and quiet.

bridgetreilly · 14/09/2019 12:24

Why doesn't DH take the kids to meet his parents for lunch somewhere midway, giving you some space to relax at home?

PanamaPattie · 14/09/2019 12:26

Let them come. DH can clean and do the errands and laundry while you sit and drink tea and have a catchup.

Cherrysoup · 14/09/2019 12:28

Why don’t you take yourself out for a spa day/cinema etc and let DH hold the fort with your DS and Make yourself scare and get some much needed relaxation (tell the ILs it’s been planned for ages)

I love how people suggest this so frequently on here. The in-laws would probably be horribly offended, dh would probably be upset and why should the op leave her house?

If you’re not up to it, just tell them it’s not convenient, or work round them doing laundry etc.

bluebeck · 14/09/2019 12:32

Agree with PP - get DH to take DC and meet them somewhere in between so you get and even better version of your chilled out weekend Smile

dollydaydream114 · 14/09/2019 12:33

I can see why you’re dreading it but your husband wants to see his parents and I think his wishes do count as well. Plus he’s offering to get the house sorted. And you say your DS will like it too.

All adults have to occasionally do things they don’t like very much. It’s one day and I think you just need to suck it up.

frazzledasarock · 14/09/2019 12:39

I’d say no way.

You’re pregnant, suffering pgp, have a house to sort after a holiday, a toddler to chase after and work on Monday.

No way would I agree to anyone coming over under those circumstances.

If your DH disagrees, I really would go to a friends or family’s and leave him with everything and return when in laws turn up to chat and eat and drink.

I had PGP during two of my pregnancies and DP took care of everything as I was in excruciating pain.

Paintedmaypole · 14/09/2019 12:40

If your husband really will do all the cleaning etc I would have a rest and let him get on with it and let them visit. Shove the washing in then go for a lie down.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 14/09/2019 12:41

I so get where you're coming from, I wouldn't want them either, but you probably have to suck this one up.

I would probably get DH to tell them that because of the post-holiday chores you'll all be running around a bit, and he hopes they don't mind.

Maybe try to spend today relaxing while DH cleans the house. Do chores around them tomorrow, and be running in and out doing errands. Be apologetic, if they are reasonable they won't mind. Surely they know it's last minute and you are busy.

bunnypenny · 14/09/2019 12:41

@cherrysoup 🙄🙄🙄 it was a suggestion of a compromise not an order. OP wants a chilled weekend while her DH and DC want to see the grandparents so why not go and have some relaxation (alone - sounds bliss) and let DH entertain his parents. It’s DH’s house as much as hers so why should he take the child out? Why should OP’s needs (“I don’t feel up to it”) trump DH’s wish to entertain at their house?

And why on earth would DH “probably be upset”? About what?! Having to parent for a few hours (with the help of his parents)?!

As for the ILs being “horribly offended” (!), that’s why I said to tell them it’s been planned for a while. I also think, although obvs maybe wrong, that the ILs will be happy just to catch up with their son and grandchild.

BertrandRussell · 14/09/2019 12:42

Get dh to explain and suggest the he meets his parents with the children halfway, leaving you to have your Sunday. Simple.

Mumpower123 · 14/09/2019 12:43

I'd say no. Your pregnant , need to rest then clean . If you relay on husband to clean while you chat?! That's not gonna happen. Tell them to come when you can handle a visit. Why should you have to go out either. Men's idea of housework and being neat are not the same as most womens. Don't be bossed about.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2019 12:46

I was also going to suggest they meet half way, have some lunch at a child friendly pub and a play at the local park or better still one joined to the pub.

Iloveacurry · 14/09/2019 12:47

If they do come, DH needs to clean the house, buy the food and cook it, then clear up after. You’ll be busy resting and catching up with washing.

Personally, I wouldn’t want my ILs visiting either at such short notice after a holiday.

Countrylifeornot · 14/09/2019 12:48

If your parents wanted to visit and DP said no would that be OK with you? If so crack on and say no.

CardsforKittens · 14/09/2019 12:50

In your situation I’d be saying no. It’s not convenient. Apparently other weekends are not convenient for your in-laws. Ok, but that doesn’t mean you have to be inconvenienced this weekend, which is inconvenient for you. Honestly, if they are reasonable people they will accept that you’re not up for it. If they’re unreasonable people, all the more reason to defend your boundaries. As for your DH’s wishes: he’s not growing a human in his body. He won’t miss out on anything crucial if he doesn’t see his parents this weekend.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 14/09/2019 12:53

I don't agree with PPs suggesting DH go and meet them halfway for an outing. Why should OP be stuck at home doing all the chores and errands alone? That's twice the work for her and hardly the relaxing family time they were planning.

73Sunglasslover · 14/09/2019 12:53

I think your husband's desire to see his family needs to be taken seriously. Can he visit them? perhaps stay over and give you a proper break? Or can they meet halfway for a day out? It sounds like what you need is a pj day at home rather than a spa day so it seems the issue is a logistical challenge of how to fit everyone's needs together.

BumbleBeee69 · 14/09/2019 12:54

it's a FUCK NO from me OP. Flowers

VladmirsPoutine · 14/09/2019 12:54

I'm on the fence with this. But then again my relatives and I all have keys to each other's houses so perhaps I'm not best placed to advise.

LimitIsUp · 14/09/2019 12:54

"If your parents wanted to visit and DP said no would that be OK with you? If so crack on and say no."

This ^^

Aderyn19 · 14/09/2019 12:57

This hinges for me on whether dh really will clean the house and on whether you can do what you need to whole they are visiting. I wouldn't have minded my ils coming round because I would have carried on with my plans regardless of whether they were here or not and they wouldn't have minded having a cup of coffee while I did jobs around them. But if that doesn't work for you and you think your husband won't be much help them I'd say no.
I think both people should agree to guests coming over - if one person is tired or too busy then it's okay to decline. The ILs aren't rearranging their schedule to suit you, so you aren't obliged to say yes if you don't want to.
It might be nice to have someone come and play with ds while you do stuff though.

Juells · 14/09/2019 12:57

Lock yourself in your bedroom and demand constant Lemsip for your cold. Let your husband do everything, including all laundry and mental labour getting ready for next week.

If anything is said, say it's a stinker of a cold and you don't want to spread it. Be a martyr.

Cakeisbest · 14/09/2019 13:04

I keep changing my mind as I read the suggestions! I favour the suggestion that as it’s not convenient for you it’s unfortunate that it’s the only weekend that works for them because it’s inconvenient for one half of the group so still doesn’t work as an option and another weekend must be found, if necessary in several weeks time. You’re not exactly planning to do nothing this weekend, you’re busy, so it’s not convenient. End of.