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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell in laws they can't visit

82 replies

fireworkbaby · 14/09/2019 12:19

Got back from holiday last night (very busy, non stop with 2 year old plus 33 weeks pregnant with pgp so not exactly a relaxing holiday). Exhausted, have a cold, loads of laundry, shopping errands etc to do today and tomorrow before back at work on Monday. MIL has just rang DH to ask if they can come up and visit for the day (2.5 hour journey each way so would need to come for several hours to make it worthwhile, would take up the whole day). Apparently they are busy other weekends this month so this is only one they can do. House will need a good clean to get it guest ready but DH has said he would do this. DH would like to see them and sure DS would enjoy it too but would mean tomorrow would be a write off and I just want to rest and slowly get sorted before work tomorrow. AIBU to say it's too short notice and another weekend would be better? Not sure why this could not have been discussed earlier and feeling a bit sad at the prospect of my chilled out weekend being taken away?

OP posts:

Letthemysterybe · 14/09/2019 13:06

Sorry but if your dh wants them
To visit, and is prepared to do all the necessary work, then I think you would be unreasonable to say no. But in your position I would definitely be feeling tired and ‘need a little lie down’ , and then lie on my bed with my iPad and snacks. I would also suggest that they all go out to the park for Ice cream, and any lunch or dinner is take away or pizzas ie minimal
Prep and cleaning up. I’d use this to your advantage, your dh can do all the post holiday tidying, they can all clear out of the house for a few hours, and you can get some actual rest!

Aridane · 14/09/2019 13:07

No way should DH be allowed to clean and see his parents in his house

TipseyTorvey · 14/09/2019 13:12

As I say on many threads, just say "no". I don't understand all this angst. It doesn't work for you right now, request some other dates when it might work better. Run yourself a bath and relax.

littlepaddypaws · 14/09/2019 13:12

unless your house was wrecked before you went on holiday how much cleaning actually needs to be done ? let dh tidy up as he's offered and you rest for awhile,
when ils arrive be social for an hour or two then make your excuses to go and lay down for the several hours. you're pregnant and need to rest they will understand. as for suggesting you go out that would be down right rude not to see them at all.
are spa days still a thing on here,not seen it mentioned for ages, thank god

rookiemere · 14/09/2019 13:13

Can they come but you spend the day mainly in bed?

SayWhatNowYall · 14/09/2019 13:15

I’d tell DH he needs to host and entertain them, while you focus on whatever you need to get done. I’d also make clear to DH you are going to take your pregnant self off for a lie down and rest, and ask him to take DS and PIL out for a few hours while you do so.

If he’s not happy to do so, then say no to the visit. I would totally do this if roles were reversed and DH often does his own thing if my parents come. I find it’s only a woman that gets grief for going about her business in this situation 🙄

Boysey45 · 14/09/2019 13:15

I'd say yes but he has to do all the entertaining whilst you do the things you have planned. I'd spare a couple of hours or an hour later on for a catch up. Like others say I'd suggest that he takes then out somewhere for lunch like pizza hut or for a pub lunch.

littlepaddypaws · 14/09/2019 13:16

juells that might be tongue in cheek but if my dh locked himself in the bedroom with a cold and demand even one lemon sip let alone constant i'd tell him to do one, as for being a martyr that deserves a kick up the arse !

Gardai · 14/09/2019 13:17

I’d take to my bed, politely of course. You have plenty of reasons to.
Then no one is upset/put out. Simple ?!

Catsandchardonnay · 14/09/2019 13:26

I’d let them come, if DH really is going to do all the work. It’s going to be a nice day tomorrow so he could take them out for a bit with DC while you have a rest.

BigFatLiar · 14/09/2019 13:29

Is it tomorrow they're coming? They're coming to see you and DS not to give a kit inspection. Shopping online with delivery. Washing in machine. Have a bit of a rest today and enjoy a visit tomorrow (provided you actually get on with them). Unless somethings urgent it'll keep, You may regret not spending time with family, you're unlikely to regret not doing housework.

Juells · 14/09/2019 13:29

*littlepaddypaws8

juells that might be tongue in cheek but if my dh locked himself in the bedroom with a cold and demand even one lemon sip let alone constant i'd tell him to do one, as for being a martyr that deserves a kick up the arse !

yes it was tongue in cheek, but who the hell invites themselves to a house where working parents are just back from holiday and have to be back at work on Monday? Do you believe for one single solitary minute that the OP's husband is going to do everything?

Heyboyo · 14/09/2019 13:32

juells

My husband would do the housework. Are you saying no man would? Bit sexist...

saraclara · 14/09/2019 13:49

My late husband would have done the housework too. Jeeze, there are decent, competent men around, you know.

Anyway, OP, your DH wants to see them, and its the only weekends they can do. Unless you'd be happy if he refused if it was your parents, I think you have to stick it up. Warn them you're a bit knackered so might not be great company, and don't feel obliged to do exciting stuff. And they're family, so does the house really need to be "guest ready"?

YeOldeTrout · 14/09/2019 13:53

Can't you put your feet up & everyone wait on you?

BertrandRussell · 14/09/2019 13:53

“it’s inconvenient for one half of the group”

But it’s not inconvenient for one half of the group- it’s inconvenient for 1 out of the 6!

Lifeisabeach09 · 14/09/2019 13:55

OP, can you call your in-laws and explain that you full up with a cold and are exhausted and request they come another time (as much you'd love to see them)?
I do feel they are being self-centred but I guess you have to be diplomatic about this.
I, also, like the idea of DH meeting them halfway with DC.

Fraggling · 14/09/2019 13:57

I would go to bed and read tbh

And not do any work etc if he said he'd do it

Fraggling · 14/09/2019 13:58

I mean he said he'd do it so he does it

If he said he'd do it and doesn't that's on him

I'd go for a sleep and a read and a rest and let them get on with it

Toodlehoooo · 14/09/2019 13:59

Let dh do guest room. Late them arrive, have a cuppa, go out to a park/somewhere you don’t have to do much etc. then get a chippy tea or take away for the evening. Next morning pop some cereal and toast on the table....done!

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/09/2019 13:59

"Apparently they are busy other weekends this month so this is only one they can do."
And you're busy this weekend. Why does they're 'being busy' trump your 'being busy'?

They've asked. Doesn't mean they have to get.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2019 14:00

@Soon2BeMumof3
Ops dh has the rest of the day to do the washing with her and some housework. Or maybe he could do it before / after he goes out tomorrow. Op wants some space and time to relax. I wasn’t suggesting he leaves her to sort it all out while he swans off for the day.

BertrandRussell · 14/09/2019 14:01

“They've asked. Doesn't mean they have to get.“

But 5 out of the 6 people involved want this!

VladmirsPoutine · 14/09/2019 14:03

Mumsnet can at times be a true revelation! If this were my family or my partners family everyone would be delighted to see us in whatever state we were in. They'd probably also want to help unpack/clean up and chat about the holiday. But maybe it's cultural too. Who knows.

Oysterbabe · 14/09/2019 14:04

Probably better this weekend than when you're even more pregnant. I think you need to suck it up.

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