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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell in laws they can't visit

82 replies

fireworkbaby · 14/09/2019 12:19

Got back from holiday last night (very busy, non stop with 2 year old plus 33 weeks pregnant with pgp so not exactly a relaxing holiday). Exhausted, have a cold, loads of laundry, shopping errands etc to do today and tomorrow before back at work on Monday. MIL has just rang DH to ask if they can come up and visit for the day (2.5 hour journey each way so would need to come for several hours to make it worthwhile, would take up the whole day). Apparently they are busy other weekends this month so this is only one they can do. House will need a good clean to get it guest ready but DH has said he would do this. DH would like to see them and sure DS would enjoy it too but would mean tomorrow would be a write off and I just want to rest and slowly get sorted before work tomorrow. AIBU to say it's too short notice and another weekend would be better? Not sure why this could not have been discussed earlier and feeling a bit sad at the prospect of my chilled out weekend being taken away?

OP posts:

pussincahoots · 14/09/2019 14:06

I agree with those who say DH can take your LO to meet your in-laws elsewhere for the day. You're pregnant, sick and tired. Sorry, but that trumps in-laws wanting to visit. If they do that you can stay home, rest and reset and they can still all catch up as they wanted. Win-win. Otherwise you'll end up hosting and you'll just get sicker and tireder.

Hope your cold eases off soon, OP.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 14/09/2019 14:24

Another vote for dh taking dc to meet your PIL half way for lunch/trip round a local attraction, while you catch up at home. There must be a national trust property around an hours drive towards them...

Chloemol · 14/09/2019 14:31

They have already said they can’t come any other time. How would you feel if your parents wanted to come, and your dh said no

Let them come and get dh to entertain them. Tell them sorry about the mess etc as you carry on doing the holiday washing etc

Soon2BeMumof3 · 14/09/2019 14:32

Just a thought, they might not want to visit and risk catching your cold. Do they know you're sick?

CherieBabySpliffUp · 14/09/2019 14:32

I don't know where people are getting 5/6 from surely it's 4 out of 5 in favour (does a toddler get a vote anyway?)
Could your DH not visit them if he wants to see them that badly? That way you have the house to yourself uninterrupted to get everything done.

BertrandRussell · 14/09/2019 14:34

I do find this odd. There is no suggestion that these people are horrible, the dp and the dcs want to see them- but the op is still being given the veto. And the usual “talking to children” schtick that happens around in laws - “ they can want but that doesn’t mean they get”.

Nanamilly · 14/09/2019 14:35

OP, I'd let it all go over my head because I was tired, pregnant and had a cold.

Just let your husband get on with it.

flouncyfanny · 14/09/2019 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

fireworkbaby · 14/09/2019 14:47

Thanks for the responses. Just to add we went to theirs for the weekend 3 weeks ago so while DH is always happy to see them it's not like it has been ages. We normally see them every month to six weeks or so.

DH will do the cleaning, he would keep to his word on that. We are also getting a new mattress delivered at some point tomorrow and need him around for that, otherwise him taking ds to meet them somewhere in between would work well but not really practical as we don't know what time the delivery will be.

There are 5 of us Inc me, dh, ILs and ds, not 6. DS is a toddler so doesn't get a say!

I would be happy for them to visit if it was a different weekend, would be the exact same if it was my parents wanting to come. For those who have asked, if it was my parents and dh felt it was inconvenient for them to come that would be fine. It's more likely that he would be fine with it and it would be me saying no though given how I am feeling at the moment. If it was my parents I would have no qualms about saying no but felt guilty at prospect of saying no to his.

OP posts:

Chocolatelover45 · 14/09/2019 14:52

I wouldn't want them. Realistically you won't be able to relax if they are there. Why should op have to spend the day in bed? That's ridiculous!
Either get DP to meet them elsewhere, or postpone. If they are reasonable they will understand.
Either partner should be able veto visitors.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/09/2019 15:07

I'd get DH to do the cleaning and any cooking/ordering takeaway. I'd plead illness and spend the time in my bed. I'd give DH strict instructions that I was not to be disturbed or that the iLs were to be escorted in to say 'hi' whilst I waved weakly and croaked 'hi' and then they were to be escorted out.

If he goes elsewhere to see them, you'd be stuck cleaning the house whilst he was gone. This way you get the house cleaned and a rest.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2019 15:08

Say no then. Not your fault they aren’t free the weekends you are. Organise one ASAP in October.

bluebeck · 14/09/2019 15:16

Can you explain why DH has to be there when the mattress is delivered?

olivesnutsandcheese · 14/09/2019 15:17

Just say no. Be realistic, its hard enough doing the post holiday sort out. You don't need to be hosting for the day as well. You don't feel well either. It doesn't actually matter if DH does the cleaning or not, it's not going to be chilled nor restful for you. And actually you should probably work on putting your needs first. It's not a slight to say I'm sorry it's not convenient, let's do it when you are free, even if it's a few weeks away. They shouldn't have even asked knowing you're just back from holiday but there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying, no not this time. Good luck

alphajuliet123 · 14/09/2019 15:30

Why does your husband need to be at home for a mattress delivery?

Sweetpeach3 · 14/09/2019 15:31

Why don't you suggest when they come after an hour they take DS out to the park or something for a few hours so you've time get some washing done. Clean up etc an MAYBE you get your feet up lol. Gets DS out from under your feet and having to entertain him an you and DH can get stuck into jobs x

8by8 · 14/09/2019 15:35

Maybe because she’s heavily pregnant and has PGP so shouldn’t lift or move a mattress? Not every company delivers it to the right room, some will only bring it to the door.

RandomMess · 14/09/2019 15:37

You have PGP say it would lovely for them to come as they can help DH sort everything out so you can go to bed at rest for the day!!!

You do realise the only treatment is rest? Your DH needs to be sorting stuff out so you can sit/lay down with your ice pack.

bluebeck · 14/09/2019 15:39

I have never had a mattress just left in a hall/whatever, they have always put it on the bed.

Even if they didn't do this, DH can just do it later can't he? Absolutely no reason he has to be there at the point of delivery.....

PuppyMonkey · 14/09/2019 15:43

Exhausted, have a cold, loads of laundry, shopping errands etc to do today and tomorrow before back at work on Monday.

Who’s going to do the laundry and the shopping errands etc if the visitors come?

Sparkletastic · 14/09/2019 15:44

DH and DC meet them halfway for lunch.
Mattress delivered to hallway or upstairs if the deliveries are hardy types.
You do your thing.

LookingForward2020 · 14/09/2019 15:53

Gosh, they are family not some random guests. It doesn’t matter if the house is messy. You can even tidy up while they’re around. People are so uptight on here. Let grandparents visit. Don’t your DH and child count?

endofthelinefinally · 14/09/2019 15:55

When I was ill and pregnant DH took dc to visit his parents. Why not suggest that?

ERS25 · 14/09/2019 17:10

I don't really see an issue with them coming. Surely they would be entertaining your DC, speaking to you and DH. You said you wanted to rest but what you've described you need to do doesn't sound like resting. I would assume they would understand if you were sat resting with a cup of tea. Putting a quick load of washing in takes all of 5/10 minutes. I've done it loads when ILs have been round. And if you've come back from holiday then they know you need to catch up. May even help out with somethings, and again you wouldn't have to run round after a toddler because grandparents love spending time with them. Especially if they only see DGC every month to 6 weeks. DH has agreed to tidy the house. Win/win. I wasn't always close with my LOs mother but I was always accomodating when she came round and we are a lot closer now me and LOs dad are no longer together.

phoenixrosehere · 14/09/2019 17:36

I’m with your DH taking ds out to meet his parents group.

The last thing I would want to do is entertain people when I’m ill , family or not. I also wouldn’t try to visit someone after they just came back from holiday. If your dh wants to see his parents, he can surely take ds out so you can get on with things.

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