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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry about this???

101 replies

Faa27 · 13/09/2019 15:02

So we just got back from a holiday which was shit. I’m really angry at dh and think he is so selfish. We have 2 girls (1 and 3) and I’m pregnant in the third trimester feeling like shit. I’m exhausted from working full time, and dh is never around, always busy w work. So during our holidays he was out playing golf or tennis for 6 hours per day and whenever I saw him I was angry for being left alone for so long ( no kids club or nanny). So I exploded w him a few times, demanding family time, me time, help whatever. He thinks I’m an angry person that doesn’t know how to have fun. I’m so tired and he always ends up convincing me that I’m wrong. He thinks I ruined our holiday because I got so angry, and that he will never travel w me again.
I’m angry and tired and glad to back home w the girls.
Just not sure how my relationship is going to recover as re refuses to talk to me if I don’t apologise.
Maybe I’m going mad,

OP posts:
Rhynswynd · 13/09/2019 15:05

Hes a twat. He was incredibly selfish in taking his holiday time with no thought to you or the children. Wanker.

Baldilockss · 13/09/2019 15:05

OP that sounds really shit! I think you're allowed to assume a "family" holiday should be spent as a family (predominantly). Your relationship will recover, grudges don't last forever.

user1494670108 · 13/09/2019 15:05

Yanbu, he's behaved like a knob and a single knob at that.

CroissantsAtDawn · 13/09/2019 15:06

He thinks I’m an angry person that doesn’t know how to have fun.

How were you supposed to have fun is he was out 6 hours a day?

Did he take your DC out by himself at all?

Did you all go out together?

He sounds selfish - has he always been like this?

YANBU

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 13/09/2019 15:06

Omg he sounds like an utter prick!

Genderfree · 13/09/2019 15:07

So he just leaves you to entertain and look after your kids and he thinks you’re in the wrong? What a charmer.

Elliewellie80 · 13/09/2019 15:09

You are not going mad, that's not on.

ShatnersWig · 13/09/2019 15:12

And you're having a third child with this man.... why exactly? I don't believe this will have been the first example of his selfishness.

joystir59 · 13/09/2019 15:12

And why exactly are you having a third child with this dickhead?

Original poster
Faa27 · 13/09/2019 15:12

Thanks all! Yes he was out by himself, 3 hours or 3.5 in the morning and another 3.5 to 4.5 in the afternoon. He thinks I’m boring and only want to stay by the pool etc. Tbh I’m feeling shit from the pregnancy so I don’t fancy doing a huge amount of things. But would have loved some family time.
I’m really annoyed because he thinks I’m unreasonable and wants me to apologise, but I just can’t.
He tells me the Girls will soon realise how boring and miserable I am. But I swear to god, I’m not.
I’m just angry at him,

OP posts:
joystir59 · 13/09/2019 15:13

Why do women tie themselves down with raising multiple children sired by useless husbands and father's?

Original poster
Faa27 · 13/09/2019 15:13

He convinced me to get pregnant as he always wanted a big family

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 13/09/2019 15:14

Well if you are going mad it's because he's sending you there OP. He fucks off and leaves you with DC for 6 hours a day on your family holiday and you ruined it by getting angry?!!! It's a form of gaslighting really isn't it, he's pretending his behaviour is perfectly ok and making out you're crazy for being pissed off about it, when actually anyone would be. He sounds utterly selfish and very manipulative, do you know what you want to do?

Aderyn19 · 13/09/2019 15:14

Ltb. Seriously. He's a total prick.

emmaxlouise88 · 13/09/2019 15:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

pigeononthegate · 13/09/2019 15:17

Get rid of him. Honestly. You will feel so much better.

Original poster
Faa27 · 13/09/2019 15:17

I hate myself I’ve became one of them.

OP posts:
emmaxlouise88 · 13/09/2019 15:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SummerWhisper · 13/09/2019 15:21

He's trying to make you focus only on your (perceived) negatives of anger or boringness. Stay focused on his utterly selfish behaviour until he apologises to you. Also, to being your youngsters i to this is a form of bullying. He sounds selfish and pathetic and it sounds like you have been too preoccupied with pregnancy / nursing to realise what a twat he actually is. It sounds like he has checked out emotionally. Flowers

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/09/2019 15:21

"Just not sure how my relationship is going to recover as re refuses to talk to me if I don’t apologise."
Very telling, that he is punishing you for not apologising when you have done nothing to apologise for. Essentially he's training you to be submissive and put up with any old shit he cares to dish out.

"He convinced me to get pregnant as he always wanted a big family"
He wanted a big family, but he doesn't want to spend any quality time with them? He wants to live like a single man (golf, tennis) when he pleases but have home and hearth to return to when he deigns to acknowledge he is, in fact, not single? And of course, the bigger the family the busier his wife - all the better for making her too exhausted to complain, especially in tandem with his training her not to complain and to apologise when she's done nothing wrong.

@Faa27, your husband is a shit. Not just for how he's behaved on holiday, it looks to me very much like a pattern of behaviour and unlikely to change. I think it may be time to consider your options for the future, and to pay particular attention to the options that don't include him. Sorry Sad.

KUGA · 13/09/2019 15:22

Oh my lord what an absolute TWAT.
Get rid asap he is no use to man or beast..

SummerWhisper · 13/09/2019 15:22

Bring not being, sorry...

ShatnersWig · 13/09/2019 15:22

OP, you were here in November last year saying you were seriously considering leaving him. Why on earth did you get pregnant again just a couple of months later? I really, really don't get it.

You KNEW what he was like. You wanted to leave, but you stayed and had another child with him? At least be sensible and get out now.

Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 15:23

Honestly just get rid of him and start to live your life with your DC.

This is such an unhealthy environment for your DD’s to be around, your partner is awful and doesn’t respect you (or particularly like you from the sounds of it) your DD will be picking this all up and it’s an awful example to set them of what mummy will put up with and what they can expect from their future relationships.

You deserve better and quite honestly it doesn’t sound like that would be hard to find! You’re setting the bar pretty low.

Can you imagine another then years like this? How about twenty?
You’re worth more than this and so are your DC.

Original poster
Faa27 · 13/09/2019 15:23

This was a reply to joystir59

OP posts:
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