To be grumpy about 40yo boyfriend suddenly clubbing alot

[Beingunreasonableprobably]

I realise I probably am, but would benefit from being told what others think

I've woken up this morning to see on social media that my boyfriend of three months has been out clubbing again, it's the second time in a week. He has checked himself in to places on Facebook to let people know what he's upto.

He was very quiet yesterday and not very talkative through text, all fine, and I thought he was just busy and tired because he was working from home and hadn't been sleeping well (this is what he said the day before) but he's clearly not that tired if he can manage two club nights in a week.

I realise he doesn't have to run everything by me but i feel slightly uncomfortable barely hearing from him and then waking up to see he has spent the night on the town.

Perhaps I have a preconceived idea that only single younger folk go out clubbing regularly. He's 40.

I'm laid up at home feeling under the weather so there's probably a degree of jealousy involved to be completely honest (I haven't mentioned feeling poorly though) so an invite would have been nice as I'm yet to meet his friends.

We don't live together and it has only been three months.

Am I being controlling? How would you feel?

I'm a bit because when we met he said clubbing isn't something he really does and he barely drinks, so why now.

3 months
40
clubbing

sad bastard

Sounds like he's probably not the one (for you).

Yes I think I've just about had it now unfortunately, or fortunately (depending which way you look at it)

It's the filming women dancing that has done it for me to be honest, but even before that I was thinking he's too shifty.

I don't think he cares one iota about me, it is just good for his ego to be linked to a younger women I'd say.

I'm mid 30's and some of my friends are nearly 40 and we still go clubbing- when we can get babysitters! Nothing odd about that especially if he doesn't have kids to think about.
I'd be more upset that he didn't invite me tbh. Are you not the clubbing type? Perhaps he thought you weren't when you met so has underplayed it. If you want to go with him then tell him.

I'm very much the clubbing type, I love to go out dancing and he knows that. I think for a certain type of person having their girlfriend out cramps their style and he's that type

It's just occurred that the reason he doesn't mention that he's going clubbing is because he didn't want me to say I'd join him

He used to talk about everything else he had planned or what he was upto on the day

I’d be distancing myself from him. He doesn’t sound that into you and at 40 he might be wanting to re live his youth. I’d be cutting ties

Why not just talk to him about it?

There's no point now, it's over. He's a nasty hypocrite.

I went out with my friend to our local last night for a grand total of three G&T's, I was home and asleep by midnight then I woke at 4am to use the loo and noticed I had a missed call at 3.30am. Thinking something was wrong I phoned him back and no answer.

Then this morning I wake to a barrage of crap about how I don't respect him and it doesn't bode well for the future. I asked wtf he was talking about and he said I went out to spite him and didn't let him know I was safe or when I got home which shows a lack of respect

Apparently him going out clubbing 2x weekly is different because the friend he's been doing with is a business relationship and benefits his work.

I said hang on I don't recall you being in touch with me when you were out, he said that's different because he can handle his alcohol and has "strong discipline" and I had clearly gone out to "spite" him

So basically he's a hypocrite and has blown up because I behaved just one fraction of the way that he did.

Wanker. At least you've not wasted any more time on him.

Then this morning I wake to a barrage of crap about how I don't respect him and it doesn't bode well for the future. I asked wtf he was talking about and he said I went out to spite him and didn't let him know I was safe or when I got home which shows a lack of respect.

He showed his true colours nice and promptly, didn't he? Saved you a lot of time, probably. You've definitely dodged a bullet there.

Wow, bullet dodged. I hope you feel grateful he revealed his true colours early on.

He clearly wants a compliant woman who will tolerate his behaviour and sit at home waiting for him to decide when he will see you.
Your instincts were working for you.

Yes quite

I won't be seeing him again.

Jesus. He sounds awful. Block. Block him now.

Some people never grow up. My Ds is 41, wears those odd trousers with the crotch hanging round the knees, and has recently put his old piercings back in his lips. Plonker.

I was going to say YABU because he's doing nothing wrong to want to go out twice a week without you, until I read

Then this morning I wake to a barrage of crap about how I don't respect him and it doesn't bode well for the future. I asked wtf he was talking about and he said I went out to spite him and didn't let him know I was safe or when I got home which shows a lack of respect.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Get rid of him.

Sounds like a lucky escape op

I would find a 40yo man into clubbing totally unattractive tbh. I don’t think I’ve been clubbing since I was 19.

It’s been three months, you would be unreasonable to be grumpy about it, but not unreasonable to end the relationship citing “different stages of life” or whatever.

Never mind I didn’t RTFT

Dodged a bullet OP!

I've never had problems with feeling secure in a relationship before, but for some reason I do with him because he's unpredictable and sketchy.

Why on earth are you bothering with an unpredictable & sketchy man?
Please value yourself higher than this!