To be slightly peeved at this comment from a preschool teaching assistant.

[WhenYouCantRunYouCrawl]

I live in a very wet area where practical clothing is essential. I also live somewhere where clothes and shoe shops are limited, apart from outdoor gear.

Anyway, DD has started preschool nursery and I bought her a pair of black shoes (they have a uniform) but all the "girls" shoes were those ridiculous t-bar ones which would result in wet feet so I went for a pair of plain ones from the boys section they basically look like trainers.

Dropping her off this morning and the TA commented that she had "boys shoes" on.

So now DD has decided she doesn't want to wear them anymore and wants new ones.

I'm not going to be that parent and say something but honestly, AIBU to be a teeny bit annoyed? It's hard enough trying to raise a daughter to believe that she doesn't have to conform to some princess stereotype and surely teaching staff should know better?

The more I think about this, the more furious I am. What other bollocks is she filling kids heads with? You must complain.

Quite worrying really that a TA is quite frankly that thick.

What is this whole "being THAT parent" thing?! Are we not allowed to react/complain when a teacher makes some bloody stupid comment in front of our children and upsets them?
Of course you can.

Being "that parent" is used to describe a particular set of behaviours. As in "oh yes... I know that parent" because it's a sure fire way to get known for being ridiculous, confrontation or both and generally not get any sort of resolution.

"That parent" behaviour includes:

1. Lots of being fuming / furious / raging over non issues or minor issues
2. With this small or non issue, that parent does not seek to speak reasonably to the most appropriate member of staff. Oh no, they want to demand to see the head, complain about the teacher, report to the chair of governor, call Ofsted (often with a very angry Mumsnet thread with the aim of being told that this is a great idea)

3.Not having the full picture but deciding instantly that the version you have is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (then see points 1/2) 4.a general belief that their child can do no wrong ever despite any evident otherwise (eg the whole class knew about a test and it was on the homework app, but the teacher never told their child / 3 members of staff witnessed their child bullying another child but their child isn't a bully)

1. School rules are pick and mix so other children should have a detention for talking, bit not your child because they were just asking a question, it was just a whisper, only answering their friend etc. Uniform rules say no short jersey skirts and that parent will buy a short jersey skirt and complain on MN and to local press about how mean school is

As you can imagine doing these quite a bit is the sort of thing that gets eye rolls and a reputation for being absolutely ridiculous. It also means that it's much harder to resolve issues because that parent is so bloody confrontational and closed minded to anything other than their opinion.

Meanwhile, any other parent who had to raise concerns, challenge school, needs to talk to a teacher, thinks the teacher has made a mistake or there's been an issue that we've missed etc would call up reasonably, challenge like an adult, remain open to the fact that kids can be economical with the truth, they're polite to meet with, and generally want a resolution.

What happens on MN is you'll see people saying "oh so saying that parent means schools should never be challenged, it's a way of belittling parents who stick up for their kid, if you say that parent then you think teachers are gods etc". None of that is the case. It's the difference between reasonable parents and unreasonable ones.

You should definately complain. What part of a shoe requires a penis to wear it? Maybe shes confused about what part of the body it goes on?

Shoes are shoes ffs

Good grief! What a dimwit this TA is. I am guessing (could be wrong of course) that she lives fairly locally so must have a clue what the weather is like! And why is it that only boys are apparently allowed to have dry feet?!

As a pp suggested, send her in in non-uniform shoes and when they question you, tell them exactly why. Joining pre-school can be trying enough without a moron cocking up something that had been beautifully sorted out already!!

YANBU

Although you can get girl's shoes which are closed quite easily- clarkes have several styles and their website doesn't even differentiate between boys and girls anymore- it's all just 'kids' school shoes.

I would of hated my mum trying to dress me in boys items.

Defo complain. Trainers are unisex, TA was dumb.

I noticed this when I was shopping for girls school shoes with my SIL. Why do most of the designs for girls leave some or eve most of the top of their feet exposed? Not only is it going to leave them with cold/wet feet, they're also not as sturdy for playing in as boys shoes.

Then put girls in skirts, and you have the start of the playground separation with boys seeming more active and sporty, and girls seeming more interested in standing around chatting.

I noticed this when I was shopping for girls school shoes with my SIL. Why do most of the designs for girls leave some or eve most of the top of their feet exposed? Not only is it going to leave them with cold/wet feet, they're also not as sturdy for playing in as boys shoes

Bloody depressing isnt it. When I asked for shoes that covered the whole foot, had good grip on the bottom and were sturdy, I got told they didnt exist.

Not unless I bought ankle boots but they arent allowed in alot of Schools.

It's a bit easier when they get older and they have brogues and can have dms or angry angels but that's no good for infant aged children.

Dd2 has the start rite tarantula. We still occasionally get a bit of an odd look when we request them but dd loves them and they are really comfortable.

She did have a kid or 2 point out in reception that she had " boys shoes" but luckily her teacher said they werent boys shoes they were everyone's shoes . And no one has really said anything since.

How what look like black trainers can be that strongly gendered I dont know

Just tell your daughter that sometimes grown-ups make silly and inaccurate comments.

@Mummyoflittledragon's suggestion was to deal with the child's rejection of the shoes, not to please the TA. OP now has a problem with her child that should be tactfully and intelligently dealt with. The little girl is not to blame for the stereotyped world she has been born into.

I don't think this would be an example of you being "that parent" and I would definitely say something.

I bought ‘unisex’ little boots for DD for exactly this reason (started pre-school last week). Couldn’t bear the thought of her being outside and getting her feet wet, or in some way feeling like she couldn’t go outside freely.

I’d have been SO pissed off if a TA had said anything.

I'd say something.

Ds2's school shoes came from the unisex rack this time, as his feet are not quite large enough for the men's section. They are plain black lace up shoes requiring neither a penis or vagina in order to get them on your feet.

Ok thanks all. I'll have a quiet word with the teacher next week.

Someone up above mentioned "fast shoes" so I'll work on DD over the next few days with that idea. She's not back in nursery till Tuesday so hopefully she'll forget what was said!

*25frankie246

I would of hated my mum trying to dress me in boys items.*

I get that, I do. But up until now DD has been quite happy wearing whatever. She loves dinosaurs and has chosen a few dino themed shoes from the "boys" section before. And I'd argue that there wasn't anything about these particular shoes that made them "boy" shoes as some might perceive, they were just plain black leather closed shoes.

What an idiotic thing for the TA to say.

@Coyoacan
Yes that was my reason. Thanks for explaining. I ignored the comments about my post tbh. I cannot help the stereotyping that goes on with children. I do like the suggestion by another poster to hand the shoes over to the school and let them deal with it.

Stupid TA. Definitely say something.

Have you tried buying some vulva stickers and popping them on the shoes? Or tie some tampon stings to the laces?
Then they shall no longer be penis owner shoes 👍🏼

Why don't chidren wear wellingtons to school when it's raining, and change in to their indoor shoes on arrival.
At least they wouldn't be in wet shoes and socks all day.

The TA is foolish, and I would be cross too. I'd have said at the time, 'oh silly Miss X, they're a not boys shoes they're for everyone!'

Also though, if this is preschool your child is what, 4 maximum? Same age as my DD. Don't let her dictate to you, shoes are shoes they're they're to keep her feet warm and dry. She wears what she gets told to wear at this age! She'll forget all about it in a few days time and other 4 year olds or younger really won't notice she shoes anyway.

pooboobsleeprepeat

Brilliant suggestions.

It would highlight how silly the TA's comments were.

Totally agree with PP About girls shoes often being partially open. It's ridiculous.

I'd be annoyed. That she has

Made a personal negative comment on a child's appearance or clothes (dont think she meant it as a compliment)

That you might have to fork out for shoes you dont need

That she is teaching children that bloody plain black shoes have to be gendered, and 'girls' should wear pretty footwear that get your feet cold and socks wet because their feet are somehow different to boys feet

Teacher here. Definitely not okay of the TA to say this to your daughter. As staff it is not my job to make comments about items that parents or carers have bought for their children (outside of the uniform guidelines - it sounds like the shoes are totally appropriate school shoes): parents/carers buy what they can afford or deem appropriate. It's like the TA saying "Your mum has bought you a cheap coat" - absolutely not her place to comment, particularly to the child.

I'm glad you're going to say something. If your DD refuses to wear them, are you supposed to spend more money and buy something else? Something impractical? No childcare staff should be making parents/carers replace appropriate items by making comments.