AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?

[BadBehaviour]

I’ve recently had a baby and I have been taking my baby to see friends, one friend has quite a large breed of dog. I have asked her before I visit to remove the dog from the room temporarily whilst we are there. She’s agreed but when I turn up she hasn’t done it, nor is she willing to.

I understand it’s her home if she wants her dog in every room that’s her right. I just end up leaving as I will not take my baby inside. She refuses to meet up elsewhere.

So AIBU to ask her to remove her dog from the room we are in temporarily?

Thanks guys

[shesgrownhorns]

Dd has a friend with a dog phobia, so we always put ours away. It’s annoying as he’s a friendly thing but the alternative is she doesn’t visit!

[Sayhellotothethings]

I don’t know how the dog would react if my friend as to hold my baby if it’s jealousy. Would you take that chance?

Most certainly not. Babies safety comes first. I have a dog myself and a baby, so I'm with you on that one.
When guests come round I pop my dog in another room. He is one of the friendliest dogs you'll ever meet but if he wants to say hi to the 'exciting new person' while they're holding the baby, I don't want them to have to fuss over him whilst they have our baby. So he goes elsewhere.

He couldn't care less about people that are here a lot of us though!

[Sayhellotothethings]

Sorry that was meant to say or us

[BadBehaviour]

Sayhellotothethings yes she has. I’m not sure on the breed think it’s mixed with a boxer or something. It’s nice to hear other people’s opinions. As I’ve said I’m first tine new mum we have all been there..how protective we feel x

[Oceanbliss]

Congratulations on your baby first time mummy. You sound like you are going to be a great mum.

[harriethoyle]

Yabvu. How rude to try and dictate what happens in her house.

[bobsyourauntie]

YANBU, my aunt’s dog was really soppy and friendly but when I had DC it became excessively jealous and tried to nip DC twice, both times when DC was in my arms. We had to shut her out of the room.

Once DC was walking the dog really took to her and never threatened her again. (But if course we still never left them alone together).

Your friend is not keeping her promise so if she won’t meet elsewhere then it looks like the friendship will cease.

[Sayhellotothethings]

@SusieOwl4 thanks. The dog gets punished for giving warnings and I've told everyone that it will not be my child that is near him when he skips his warnings in future. I've offended about 5 people but when it's my child's safety or their feelings, it's my child every single time without a shadow of a doubt!

[TheBigFatMermaid]

She just prefers to stay at home I guess

Does she leave the house to walk the dog? If not, that is a massive concern. Any dog not walked regularly will become aggressive, as they have no other outlet. This along with you saying the dog is territorial, barked when you went to kiss her goodbye all tell me YANBU!!

She is trying to get you to visit her under false pretences, lying!!

Don't bother again and tell her why!

[Branster]

As an obsessive dog lover and decades long dog owner, I personally think you shouldn’t visit if you feel in any way uncomfortable around the dog regardless of size or temperament of the dog and regardless if you have a child with you or not. A true friend and responsible dog owner would always check with all visitors if they are OK with the dog and automatically offer to put the dog in another room or the garden. As simple as that. Your friend is insensitive and a bad host for not making sure you are comfortable when visiting.
How does she walk the dog if she doesn’t like to go out? You could have met in the park as an alternative.
As an anecdote, one particular friend of mine has always visited with her baby (now a toddler) not simply to see us but to also expose the baby to a dog. My dog is quite big but very gentle and well trained. Friend was very anxious first time although she already knew the dog but she insisted dog stays with us and baby, she also wondered about offending me when wanting to clean the baby’s hand when the dog licked her. Dog is at the bottom of the pile, baby and baby’s health and well-being is top priority and the parent’s comfort is equally important no question about it, your friend shows Carelessness.

[SpaceDinosaur]

OP, I get it.

I'm not a dog person.
But you're taking the baby places and one of those places is this dog's home.

It's unfair to ask them to put the dog away for you. So don't go there. Invite your friend to yours. Don't visit there.

[BadBehaviour]

I have said if it’s a problem I won’t visit but she agrees to lock the dog away it’s confusing I’d never demand this of her. I have said I’ll go to the other room and give the dog some attention first as I know the dog will eventually feel resentment towards babies perhaps children if he’s always locked out. I’d never want the dog to feel left out

[whywhywhy6]

YANBU to want to protect your newborn from a dog that’s large and unknown to you but you ABU to expect her to protect your newborn from a dog that is known to her. She sees no risk.

I’d stop going over and keep suggesting to meet elsewhere or at hour home and let her decide the way forward for the friendship.

[BadBehaviour]

As far as I know the dog doesn’t get walked or if he does it’s like twice a week for 10 mins

[whywhywhy6]

Your, not hour

[Branleuse]

I think its fine to refuse to go in.
Id stop going round

[LolaSmiles]

Your plan about going to see the dog before shutting him out because dogs will get jealous of babies, though we'll intentioned, adds to the sense you're being a bit irrational here.

The dog will have an issue with being shut out because it's their home and they'll see "when X happens, Y happens". It's not about babies or children.

Ultimately the dog hasn't done anything wrong. They're being shut out purely because someone who had no issue before has decided the dog is suddenly a threat.

You are well within your rights to feel as you do, much as I think your reasoning makes no sense. What you do next (given you can't control your friends actions) depends on how much you value the friendship. If you want to continue then you'll need to get over the dog situation as your friend has shown you her position here. If you're not bothered either way then stop agreeing to meet at hers, suggest alternative meet ups and if they happen they happen, but if not the friendship will naturally drift.

[LikeABucket]

Would you remove your child if she asked?

[Rachelover60]

BadBehaviour, cool it with your friend. If you bump into each other you can be nice and chatty, have a catch up, but please be less invested in the friendship, it isn't working at the moment.

I presume you have other friends and family and don't depend on this girl for companionship. Just take the friendship down a few pegs.

In the future you may pick up again, who knows, but let her make the overtures.

Congratulations on your baby btw.

[BadBehaviour]

Likeabucket No. But my child couldn’t rip a small child’s head off with her teeth. Silly comment to make.

[HappyParent2000]

YANBU but its her house, her rules. Meet up somewhere neutral instead.

[womenspeakout]

Drogonsnextwife it’s a cross maybe a staff cross. IMO the dog is very territorial which makes me uncomfortable

This is the main issue and you have every right to feel how you do.

Yes it's her house, however I have always had dogs and when someone came round who wasn't comfortable (even with my dog who was as soft and as placid as a cuddly toy) he'd be removed to the other room.

Especially when a baby is involved, dogs, especially ones not used to the baby, can be unpredictable, especially when they cry or make noises they haven't heard before.

[YogaDrone]

Honestly is tonight "I'm on drugs " night?

OP you can't demand your friend remove her dog from its home but you can chose not to visit.

What's that saying? Something about only being able to control yourself and not others? Whatever it is, it applies here.

[BMW6]

The answer to this is easy - don't go to her house!

[LikeABucket]

It could spread disease though.