AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?

[BadBehaviour]

I’ve recently had a baby and I have been taking my baby to see friends, one friend has quite a large breed of dog. I have asked her before I visit to remove the dog from the room temporarily whilst we are there. She’s agreed but when I turn up she hasn’t done it, nor is she willing to.

I understand it’s her home if she wants her dog in every room that’s her right. I just end up leaving as I will not take my baby inside. She refuses to meet up elsewhere.

So AIBU to ask her to remove her dog from the room we are in temporarily?

Thanks guys

[toadabode]

You're not being unreasonable whatsoever

[PhilSwagielka]

What is the dog like around kids? Is it one of the types that jumps on people? If so, then YANBU, I was shit scared of dogs when I was little for exactly that reason.

[Sayhellotothethings]

the dog sits on the sofa & if asked to move he doesn’t. He tried to stand over his owner either in a dominance way or protective way. I once kissed my friend goodbye & the dog started to bark at me. I don’t mind this I don’t care but I don’t want this around my baby. Hope this makes sense

Sofa thing is bad training if no resource guarding accompanied it (signs of aggression to say 'but this is my sofa')
Dominance isn't a thing, it's a myth, barking could possibly be resource guarding of the owner but you'd find if it was they'd be on you for being near your friend a lot more - more than likely the dog wanted your attention as you were on the way out. Obviously I've not seen the dog's body language but just my initial thoughts.

This doesn't sound territorial to me but either way if you aren't comfortable with the dog it's besides the point. Personally I think YABU on this one though. I get that you don't want the barking around your LO but it's the dog's home and if your friend isn't willing to pop him in another room then you may be better off not going round.

Sorry to go all jargon on you but dog behaviour can easily be confused so wanted to throw my two cents in.

[Inebriati]

Yanbu. The fact her dog barked at you when you touched her is a red flag and your instincts are spot on.

[NextTrainGoesToBEROWRA]

She sounds like a crap friend.

[MidnightMystery]

I think your friend should come to you without the dog, I think it's a little rude to ask her to move her dog x

[cowfacemonkey]

If you can show me a single citation, quote or reference of any kind to a 19th century, or early 20th century text that supports the myth that staff's were "nanny dogs" used to guard prams rather than just a breed that happen to be good with kids then I will revoke my statement!

[NoCauseRebel]

Refusing to enter a house because they have a dog and won’t move it is pathetic and ridiculous.

I’m guessing that you entered this house prior to having your baby? In which case nothing’s changed has it? The baby is going to be in your arms anyway, you’re not going to be feeding it to the dog are you?

And you’re bringing up your child to have an irrational fear of dogs and that’s not healthy. Yes, respect the dog by all means but to demand it be moved because you don’t want to enter the house? If I were the friend I would be the one ending the friendship tbh.

You say that she doesn’t like leaving the house, maybe there’s a reason for that. Maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable leaving the house for whatever reason and the dog is a companion to her.

[WaterOffaDucksCrack]

Regardless of the dogs size or character I don’t feel I can take that chance or trust an animal around a tiny baby no one should ever trust any animal with a child or baby as their behaviour is so unpredictable. Your baby will be fine as long as you're holding them and don't leave them unattended.

Fwiw you're both being a bit unreasonable!

[WhatTiggersDoBest]

YANBU. I feel the same. There's a thread on MN practically every week and articles in the news about babies getting bitten by dogs and having permanent disfigurement (or being killed). The response from the owners is always "but he's such a lovely dog" and "he's never done it before".
Do you even know if the dog is wormed/vaccinated/has had flea treatment recently? Has your baby had their full set of vaccines yet?
You are protecting your baby and your friend is a twat for telling you she'll take the dog out of the room then refusing to actually do it when you've made the effort to go and see her. She's disrespected you by lying and she's shown she's not willing to put your human baby before her fur baby. I don't see a way forward for this friendship until your little one is a bit older or the dog dies.

[Ellapaella]

I have a large breed dog. A very friendly Labrador who is not remotely territorial. I do have some friends and even family members who I appreciate aren't entirely comfortable around dogs - it's not a problem for me to keep our dog in a different room if they come round to visit. I wouldn't be willing to accommodate an overnight stay as ultimately it's my dogs home, but an hour or two wouldn't be an Issue. I really don't see why your friend won't just leave the dog in another room while you're there unless the dog is likely to bark and whine because it doesn't like being away from it's owner.
yANBU to ask your friend to keep the dog in a different room while you're there but if she won't then you'll just have to not visit her house.

[Canyousewcushions]

I think YABU to refuse to be in the same room as her dog. I certainly wouldn't ever leave a baby unattended with a dog, but having the baby in your arms in the presence of the dog is highly unlikely to come to anything.

However, given your feelings, she is BU for not offering to visit you or meet you elsewhere without the dog I tow. Or even meet up for a walk in the park with both the baby and the dog.

[Sunshine93]

She shouldn't agree and then renege once you are there. Either she's happy to, or isn't, and should say upfront

^this
It's weird that she has done this to you 3 times! It's also weird that she won't meet up with you elsewhere. Normally when a friend has a baby you visit the friend and make a fuss of them.

I would ditch this weird friend.

The dog lovers coming on here saying the dog won't attack your baby are completely missing the point. Of course it probably won't but some of us just aren't that comfortable around dogs. In this situation most people would just roll their eyes at their friend for being a bit PFB and the acquiesce because they are a good friend

[DawgLover]

What you've described so far doesn't sound either like a large breed or territorial behaviour.

Either way, if she won't separate the dog she'll have to accept that you won't be visiting

[Sayhellotothethings]

Regardless of the dogs size or character I don’t feel I can take that chance or trust an animal around a tiny baby

That is totally fair OP, you're allowed to not feel comfortable. You may feel more comfortable as your baby grows but if you are uncomfortable, I wouldn't visit. Maybe she will see the light and come to you instead.

I won't have my LO around my MILs dog (who growls at children when MIL is playing with them and has started baring his teeth when children try to stroke him...Obviously the children need to be taught to leave him one BUT he needs to be kept separate from the children) so know how you feel. I'm the bad guy in that situation even though it's an accident waiting to happen.

[Sayhellotothethings]

*alone

[LolaSmiles]

The fact her dog barked at you when you touched her is a red flag and your instincts are spot on.
Nonsense.
There's loads of reasons for barking. People who are nervous around dogs will tend to quickly view them as a threat because that confirms their thinking (insay that as someone who was scared of dogs and is now a dog owner).

OP, For what it's worth you're both being a bit unreasonable and given neither of you are willing to compromise then maybe this friendship has ran its course.

[SusieOwl4]

if someone asked me to remove my dogs to another room I would . and I can understand why you feel uncomfortable . so don't visit .

[Inebriati]

Having the baby in your arms is no guarantee of safety. Its common for dogs to jump up at you when you are holding something they are interested in, thats one reason owners are told not to pick up small dogs if they are approached by a strange dog.

[Tigger001]

YANBU to ask and she is NBU to refuse.

She is being unreasonable to agree to do it, wait for you to arrive only for her not to have done it.

I loved our dog, he was a big lad and I used to put him out when my friend came with her baby, I wanted my friend to feel comfortable.

She obviously isn't a great friend, and doesn't appear to be that bothered if she sees you or not.

[MrsDimmond]

Well it's bizarre behaviour to say you'll do something for a guest and then deliberately not do it. What did she say when you arrived and you said "you promised to keep Fido in the kitchen" or whatever?

And what did she say that convinced you to go back 2 more times!

I think you were being over anxious, but that's your prerogative. Your df is unreasonable to commit to do something and not follow through.

[BadBehaviour]

Sayhellotothethings it’s okay IMO though if an owner asks their dog to move off the sofa & it doesn’t it doesn’t give me much confidence in the owners control over the animal. When I said the dog barked when I kissed my friend apparently she does it with everyone so IMO it’s either jealousy or trying to tell me to back off. I don’t know how the dog would react if my friend as to hold my baby if it’s jealousy. Would you take that chance?

[Sayhellotothethings]

Has your baby had their full set of vaccines yet?

HVs actually say it is good for babies to be exposed to dogs when they are young, as it helps their immune system and also reduces the likelihood of developing allergies later in life. That's what I was told.

[SusieOwl4]

@Sayhellotothethings you are not the bad guy - that sounds like a dog giving a warning that they are uncomfortable . you are right to be wary . my dogs Love children - but if they get over bouncy through excitement I still remove them to another room . the children come first.

[ChardonnaysDistantCousin]

A staff is not a large breed.

My dogs are, but they are bomb proof. Why would you assume a dog is out to hurt your baby or you? They mind their own business or sleep, and that’s all.

By all means don’t go visit your friend if you feel so put out though. She’ll probably be relieved as well.