To think nursery is too strict

[Shezow]

My little one has just started nursery this year and I’m hating it already!

I thought children go to nursery to play, run wild ect

But they are constantly been told off and told what to do and what not to? They are only 3!

Today at home time the teacher told us they’ve had a lot of telling off today as it’s still early days and when we went in the classroom to pick the kids up they looked very upset

Now I’m not one of the go-burn-the-house-down do-whatever-you-like parents But they’re still allowed to play freely

AIBU to think nursery is too strict 😩? Or is this normal?

this attitude or belief is why so many turn to or choose home education as they believe that kids should be free to explore their interested and learn that way or till 6/7 be free t learn though play

kids are expected to conform at such a early age

yes im very anti school

You'll struggle to find any nursery that will be happy with kids running around indoors except in the gym area. You can't have 10/15+ kids running around in the room, it's not safe

The OP wants an environment where the children are asked to "walk not run" in a calm way. She isn't saying they should be running around she is saying they shouldn't be told off all the time for minor offences that just need a bit of calm correction.

I can't believe so many people think we should be getting our three year olds ready for school and they shouldn't be playing all the time at that age. Even in reception they should play something like 3/4 of the time. They are small children who LEARN THROUGH PLAY.

OP at my children's pre school they had registration first thing then free play all morning session until a story at the end of morning session, lunch then afternoon registration followed by free play. They could play inside and outside and had craft tables and a nature garden as well as all the usual indoor and outdoor toys. I visited and helped out and never saw anyone shout or even really get cross. Generally a child who was doing something inappropriate was corrected and if they failed to do as they were told a member of staff would remove them from the situation and speak to them or sometimes just distract them with a different activity.

The situation you've described doesn't sound very fun for the children. They have enough years of school, discipline and rules ahead of them just let them play!

The OP wants an environment where the children are asked to "walk not run" in a calm way. She isn't saying they should be running around she is saying they shouldn't be told off all the time for minor offences that just need a bit of calm correction.

That's not what she said, she said but being told of for running or knocking on the door, or playing abit rough, I have a problem with - she won't find a nursery that is happy for kids running around indoors or playing with the door.

She can't know that they are getting constantly told off unless she's there for the whole session.

I can't believe so many people think we should be getting our three year olds ready for school and they shouldn't be playing all the time at that age. Even in reception they should play something like 3/4 of the time. They are small children who LEARN THROUGH PLAY.

They can do both. That's part of the point of school nurseries. They play all day, but they also learn things like not running around indoors and not playing too rough which sets them up for school.

There's a difference between a lot of telling off - which happens some days (especially when it's windy) and being told off unfairly constantly.

@24hourshomeedderandcarer I can see why people may homeed too now “schooling” is not for everyone

Thank you it’s good to read everyone’s comments I can understand why they need to be “schooled” and how it’s better for them in the long run to transition into school life, but I always thought nursery was all fun and play and reception was more the transitional stage between nursery and year 1, I’ve been to many stay and play sessions and thought nursery was similar to them

I guess not

Ok I am a nursery teacher so can clear a few things up here. These kind of posts really empassion me.

No nursery should be "telling off". They should be using restorative approaches tp help children navigate their boundaries.

School and private nurseries SHOULDN'T differ in educational approach. Best practice would not have them sitting at desks and "being told what to do".

I teach nursery. Am primary trained and have masters in early years pedagogy. Can teach primary but also highly qualified at understanding children's development age 0-8.

OP you should be talking to the school, thy sound very old fashioned.

Oh and learning through play?? Research clearly shows is most effective to 8 and beyond. When schools/Ministers/policymakers say otherwise - it has a political agenda and isn't really what is besa for the long term mental health of the children.

Littleem1983 Have early years's 'fashions' changed in the last couple of years (just being nosy, I used to work as an EYP) there was a period where everything was very child-led and now when I read stuff/see my own DS at pre-school it's more a mix of child led and adult directed/group work.

@camomila I am in Scotland. We are (best practice) still very child led. Think things are vey political in Scotland. But we have been talking decades and centuries of research of learming through play - Froebel, Malaguzzi etc

meant things very political in England.

This thread has made me quite sad. In lots of ways I’m a pushy parent and have high expectations of my 3 year old but some of the views on here just seem a bit extreme. I want my 3 year old to love learning and to be happy. Boundaries are important but trying to replicate a school environment at 3 just seems too much when lots of 4/5 year olds struggle in reception. The image of a group of 3 year olds looking sad after a telling off is a bit depressing really as does the poster that said some nurseries ban teddies etc.

government want quantitive quick results - rather than long term qualatative. Be able to measure with tests and data. It is sad and scary.

Thanks Littleem Scotland always seems really clued up education-wise on mumsnet threads! :)

@ALoadOfTwaddle not so. A pgce includes eyfs too.

Is Scotlands P1 fully playbased then? Id heard from friends (but a few years ago) that it was closer to our Year 1, meaning scottish students actually atarted no play based learning 6 months earlier than ours!

Started non-play based.

Our reception was play based , with year 1 being the move towards sitting at tables and english/maths time etc.

Scotland moving towards play pedagogy in P1. Some places do it better than others. Though cut offs are different age wise so children are older when they start p1 than reception and get more time in nursery. My daughter was 5 in August. If we were back in England (I am actually English and grew up there!!) She would have started school (reception) last year but here she only just started this year in p1.

I work in nursery and we ask children to walk in nursery. It's safer. We have a smaller room than other nurseries and it's very busy. Running indoors has more safety issues than outside in our nursery garden. We also ask them to use indoor voices. Otherwise no one hears anyone and it gets ridiculous.

There are some days you feel you stop the same children to remind them of the nursery rules and point out safety concerns. Others days you speak to no one about it.

It's free play all session apart from our gym hall time and for story and singing. P1 is very playbased with each group getting taught on the carpet through out the day. The only problem is building the resources. Some schools are introducing it to P2 as well.

It's scary the amount of people on this thread wanting nursery at 3 to be preparation for school.

Yet its been known for years that formal education should not start till aged 6 or 7.

Yes to age appropriate rules, no to non play based learning.

At 3 they're not far off starting school, nursery should be starting to prepare them for that and following instructions is important. It's one thing to allow a single child at home to run riot but with a larger group more structure is needed. A reception teacher can always spot the children who haven't been to nursery, they have poor social skills and are very clingy.

They are expected to go to the loo by themselves too and must be fully potty trained

Well, that seems pretty reasonable to me? They have to have a level of independence to thrive every day in a large group. If they still need nappies changing or bums wiping then they need a different type of care and a different environment.

Regarding playing ‘a bit rough’ and ‘running wild’, that’s fine for outside but not so fine indoors. Also, it very much favours the boisterous confident kids rather than the quieter ones who prefer to sit and do playdough or do role play games. A lot of kids really struggle in chaos. You need a happy medium, really.

My littlest goes to a school nursery, she has additional needs and so I've spent a bit more time there than most parents, helping her settle and discussing her needs etc. In ours the whole thing is completely play based, which I would always expect from a nursery. But I see the staff engaging the children at every possible opportunity and it is incredible. They go up to a child playing and depending on the child they might just be encouraging them to talk, to use descriptive language etc or they might be encouraging writing or maths skills - not in a 'sit down and write' way but in a playful way. When the child is bored or distracted they staff don't stop them moving on to the next activity. My own child is miles behind the other 3 year olds but all the staff engage with her appropriately, not just her own one2one and involve her in everything that is going on.

Not sure what my point was 😂 I think it was that school nurseries necessarily strict or uncaring.

And then we wonder why UK kids are amongst the most stressed in the world.

That is life, it is not all joy and sunshine even at three.

Fucking hell.

The pre-school my dc attended was very much all joy and sunshine. I never heard kids getting ‘told off’ (and I did a lot of parent helping; it was expected). It was gentle correcting and guiding, as has been described by pp. There was a very calm, gentle atmosphere and the teachers were more like aunties and grannies than teachers.

At 3, the focus was not on preparing them for school, it was on free play and social skills. In our village, Reception is for preparing them for school, and year 1 is where the formal stuff starts.

Op I don’t like the sound of a whole class of unhappy three year olds who have been ‘told off a lot’. I would be looking at other settings.