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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nursery is too strict

104 replies

Shezow · 11/09/2019 18:35

My little one has just started nursery this year and I’m hating it already!

I thought children go to nursery to play, run wild ect

But they are constantly been told off and told what to do and what not to? They are only 3!

Today at home time the teacher told us they’ve had a lot of telling off today as it’s still early days and when we went in the classroom to pick the kids up they looked very upset

Now I’m not one of the go-burn-the-house-down do-whatever-you-like parents But they’re still allowed to play freely

AIBU to think nursery is too strict 😩? Or is this normal?

OP posts:
Userzzzzz · 11/09/2019 20:09

‘That is life, it is not all joy and sunshine even at three.’

Bloody hell. Of course 3 year olds need to be told no from time to time but actually I want my 3 year old’s life to be joy and sunshine.

Timandra · 11/09/2019 20:09

At 3 I would expect them to be preparing to start school the following year and not messing around. If you wanted a play focus you should have started nursery earlier.

The play based curriculum is followed until they are five.

You can prepare children for school without telling them off all the time.

HeadintheiClouds · 11/09/2019 20:13

If you thought your child would be welcome to run wild at nursery, no wonder you find them too strict.

BeardyButton · 11/09/2019 20:18

Find somewhere else. Sounds like a nightmare. There is so much time for school routines. At three they need play. They are not developmentally ready for the sort of structure you are describing. DS goes to an outdoor preschool. Its brilliant. Lots of different small indoor areas (moontents, a cabin, etc) in a large garden with loads of outdoor activities. Honestly, you ll find somewhere that suits you and your child.

Goldenbear · 11/09/2019 20:19

I think the OP means as opposed to being institutionalised!

bigfatmoggy · 11/09/2019 20:33

Mine went to a community pre-school and it was lovely - lots of play and I don't remember any tellings off. Obviously if a child was out of order they'd be gently steered back to good behaviour, but we never saw that, it was all kind and fun. And plenty of cuddles!

DS has SEN and started at 2, the leader helped him get statemented and all sorts, but we never had any grief over the fact that he still wasn't toilet trained when he went up to reception. Being lazy, I also didn't toilet train DD until she was over 3, (took 3 days, lol) so she must have been in nappies when she started but no-one batted an eyelid. Your nursery doesn't sound much fun, tbh......

YouJustDoYou · 11/09/2019 20:33

Depends on what "telling off all the time" means though. There was one little boy in my kid's nursery class who was always being "told off" (ie taught how to behave) but that was because he was always shoving/biting/hair pulling/snatching/kicking...etc etc etc.

Pomegranateseeds · 11/09/2019 20:36

“Dunno, Pomegranate. Are you an academy or free or private school? I believe they don't have to ensure their teachers are actually qualified to teach the age range/subject they're with. But we've got students in our school training to teach specifically EYFS”

No, normal state school. Surely EYFS is just their specialism? And refers to ages 3-7, not just nursery and reception? Anyone who does the primary PGCE is qualified to teach any primary age, including nursery.

FamilyOfAliens · 11/09/2019 20:37

All the children are happy, polite and well behaved.

How do you know? Do you work there yourself?

PancakeAndKeith · 11/09/2019 20:47

A primary trained teacher is only qualified to teach years 1-6. A nursery teacher has been trained to teach the EYFS- different qualification.

Not so. Well I've taught nursery and reception in the past and never had a different qualification. So either that's not so or my school has been breaking the rules for over 10 years.

SadOtter · 11/09/2019 20:52

Depends on the telling off and why.

DD's nursery did a lot of "that's not kind" "we don't do that because..." "we have to share" etc, all done in a kind but firm way, which they need, especially when they first start and lots won't have had a lot of interaction with children the same age. If its rules for the sake of rules and proper telling off though that's different.

Maryann1975 · 11/09/2019 20:59

Maybe they did all look upset at pickup time because 10 minutes previously they had all been running wild and didn’t want to be told they had to sit down on the carpet to wait for the parents to come in and collect them. If the majority of the dc are used to running about when they fee like it, it’s going to come as a bit of a shock to have to do what they are told, maybe they did have to be told to get them to sit down.

The impression I get about the way government seems to fund early years at the moment, they are pushing for more children to be in school nurseries than any other type of setting. I also agree with the pp who said a school nursery is more likely to be more structured than any other type of setting. (This is obviously just my opinion, based on the settings I have worked in, have observed in and that my dc have attended).

WeMustGetOffTheMountain · 11/09/2019 21:02

@childmindermum Not always the case. Not all primary teachers are qualified to work in nurseries. An early years qualification is needed for a nursery, and not all primary teachers have an early years qualification.

isittooearlyforgin · 11/09/2019 21:05

In my experience as an early years teacher, the odd child might find it hard and will need additional input but if everyone is struggling, it’s likely the teaching isn’t right, maybe expectations not right - should be fun, creative, tactile with lots of gross motor activity opportunities and children’s interests used to spark the learning. Behaviour management should be focused on the positive. This tends to make school engaging and behaviour easier to manage.

Original poster
Shezow · 11/09/2019 21:15

I will give it a few weeks and see.

Of course I agree with telling off when it comes to hitting or causing harm to another, that’s totally unacceptable, but being told of for running or knocking on the door, or playing abit rough, I have a problem with

Any yes at 3 it should be all joy and sunshine, I want my child to thrive at nursery

OP posts:
BackforGood · 11/09/2019 21:18

Not so. A primary trained teacher is only qualified to teach years 1-6. A nursery teacher has been trained to teach the EYFS- different qualification.

Appropriate name @ALoadOfTwaddle. My specific training covered from 3 yrs old to 14 yrs, but QTS is just that - qualified teacher status. You can take any age group.

But back to the OP - school nurseries have a ratio of 1:13, whereas PVIs (that don't normally have a qualified teacher) have a ratio of 1:8 for the same age group. It tends to mean that the way the day runs is different, even though both nurseries will be following the EYFS.

It really wouldn't be safe for a whole class to "run wild". Nursery is about learning to exist alongside others, and that means following certain rules - just as we, as adults follow rules of society, these children are doing the same - learning to co-exist. For some dc, that is a seeper learning curve than it is for others.

Pomegranateseeds · 11/09/2019 21:19

@WeMustGetOffTheMountain
No, it’s the other way round. I can see that someone without QTS could teach in a nursery but couldn’t teach in the rest of the school (over age 5) but all primary trained teachers can teach any primary age, including nursery. I’m not even primary trained and I’m “qualified” to teach nursery. I have QTS.

Aria2015 · 11/09/2019 21:27

My lo went to school nursery last year and it was very school like. I was quite shocked and thought they were too young for a lot of it. That being said, lo has started school in reception at the same school and has had a seamless transition so the upside was that it prepared him well. In fact he seems pretty happy, where he wasn't so much at nursery. My friends lo went to private nursery and it seemed much more play based but he's really struggled with starting school. Not sure if it's related but he says it's not as much fun so maybe it is? Seems a shame, I really do think at such a young age they should just be playing and learning how to get along with others.

FindusCrispyPancakes · 11/09/2019 21:27

My daughter started at the school nursery in April. It's all focused around play and fun. My daughter has never mentioned the teacher ever telling anyone off, she loves it. She never wants to come home at pickup!

As for potty training our nursery is the same, children need to take themselves. Our daughter had been potty trained properly for about 6 months when she started. She had a major set back with it as she wouldn't want to stop playing to take herself off to the loo. Nursery didn't prompt her as we or her grandparents do. I had to start packing a change of clothes everyday for the first couple of months and ask if the teacher could prompt her a few times a day (she was lovely about it and did). It was a big step going from someone reminding them to go and helping them if they couldn't do tights etc to just taking themselves off without any help.

I've only had experience with this nursery, but I wouldn't be happy at all if there was a lot of shouting etc. At this age it's all about building confidence and any learning should be done through play. There is some structure at my daughter's nursery but they have free play twice a day where they can pretty much do as they please (they have a lovely indoor/outdoor setup).

PinkFlowerFairy · 11/09/2019 21:30

Free play twice a day - like breaktimes?? Should 90% of it be free play with paly stations set up to invite learning

Cherrysherbet · 11/09/2019 21:33

being told of for running or knocking on the door, or playing abit rough, I have a problem with

Hmm, there’s a time and a place for running. Was this inside or outside? Knocking on what door? If they were being too loud inside, I would expect them to be told to play quietly. Playing a ‘bit rough’.....don’t think I would have been happy for my kids to go to a nursery where it was acceptable to the teachers if the children played rough! I also would not have been happy if my dd came home and had been hurt by your child ‘playing rough’. The teachers have a duty of care to all the children.

I agree that children need to play. I do think though, that they are there to learn how to behave around others too. This is for their own good, and that of the other children and staff.

Just to add.....children don’t go to nursery to ‘run wild’?!

PancakeAndKeith · 11/09/2019 21:46

An early years qualification is needed for a nursery, and not all primary teachers have an early years qualification.

Not so. I’ve taught nursery. I don’t have an early years qualification.

lyralalala · 11/09/2019 21:47

but being told of for running or knocking on the door, or playing abit rough, I have a problem with

You'll struggle to find any nursery that will be happy with kids running around indoors except in the gym area. You can't have 10/15+ kids running around in the room, it's not safe.

You'll also find that in many childcare settings kid playing with/at the door is a big no-no. And in the first few weeks is bound to be stricter to get them into the way of things - you can start strict and ease off, but if you start letting them do things you don't want them to do it's much harder to then clamp down.

Playing rough can depend on the dynamic. Sometimes if you get a particular group you have to be harder on rough play because there are somethings kids who just don't know when to draw the line, and bring out the worst in each other. Nurseries, school and kids clubs can't have kids playing rough to the point people get hurt. They have to clamp down on it.

ChildminderMum · 11/09/2019 22:08

WeMustGetOffTheMountain
A teacher with QTS is qualified to teach a nursery class in a school, rather than work in a day nursery.

FuckFacePlatapus · 11/09/2019 22:10

Nope Yabu @Shezow
This is the perfect age to learn that actions have consequences, it prepares them for school.