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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think nursery is too strict

104 replies

Shezow · 11/09/2019 18:35

My little one has just started nursery this year and I’m hating it already!

I thought children go to nursery to play, run wild ect

But they are constantly been told off and told what to do and what not to? They are only 3!

Today at home time the teacher told us they’ve had a lot of telling off today as it’s still early days and when we went in the classroom to pick the kids up they looked very upset

Now I’m not one of the go-burn-the-house-down do-whatever-you-like parents But they’re still allowed to play freely

AIBU to think nursery is too strict 😩? Or is this normal?

OP posts:

PinkFlowerFairy · 11/09/2019 19:13

Absolutely once you're a qualified teacher you can teach across the age groups!

1:13 is mad. Which will be why the more school like methods. Community preschools etc will have to have a much higher ratio of carers to children so more adults around to help!

Obviously some preschools will be strict snd some nurserys more child based but teacher training is such a different background and schools are such a different place.

I dont think a 3 year old needs to be in school.

There was a lot of choice near me. My commumuty preschool would be normal rather than out of the ordinary. Also montessori/forrest schools etc. Ours was just fairly ordinary, but I did love it.

Its important your child is happy.

Makirocks23 · 11/09/2019 19:15

In my opinion, you need to find a new nursery, mine go to a forest school nursery, they run, play in mud, climb trees and have fun. If they do something they should for example hurt someone or break the safety rules, they are spoken to and it’s explained to them. They know what they did wrong and understand why it’s wrong.
All the children are happy, polite and well behaved.
Early years should be fun not regimented!

IceIceCoffee · 11/09/2019 19:16

My child went to a school nursery, they aren’t all bad. Ours were firm but fair with the children and comforted them if upset.

PinkFlowerFairy · 11/09/2019 19:18

Sounds fab Maki!

Makirocks23 · 11/09/2019 19:18

My last post should say shouldn’t not should

Crotchgoblins · 11/09/2019 19:19

Personally I don't like school nurseries that try and emulate school style learning at 3yo. They have the next 14years of conforming uniforms etc. Let them be little and build the foundation skills of play with the academic side being pushed. It's not a race.

I agree the 'telling off' sound strict.

ALoadOfTwaddle · 11/09/2019 19:19

Also, sorry for the derail OP.

Makirocks23 · 11/09/2019 19:20

Pink - it is amazing, in fact our eldest has just left to go to school 😩
I wish I could spend my days there!

DrCoconut · 11/09/2019 19:26

I visited a nursery unit attached to a school where there seemed to be little control over what the children did beyond not harming each other. It was chaos. We didn't apply there.

WaterSheep · 11/09/2019 19:28

mine go to a forest school nursery, they run, play in mud, climb trees and have fun

They do all this at our school nursery. As well as using real tools, bike riding, nature walks and PE in the school hall.

I think you have a very strange idea of a nursery environment. Whether private or school the children will not be allowed to run wild, and will be told if they have done something wrong.

Sunshine93 · 11/09/2019 19:28

I would have a look round some other nurseries and pre schools. At this age it wouldn't be too disruptive to change. I agree I wouldn't like my child to be "told off" at that age. 3 year olds don't need telling off and punishments they just need to be corrected, there's a subtle but clear difference.The ratios don't sound great either. When I have visited my children's pre school and someone isn't behaving their key worker usually just took them off or sat with them or read to them or something. This only works if there are enough adults to be managing the rest of the children.

MummytoCSJH · 11/09/2019 19:31

This is also my experience with school nurseries as opposed to others. My son was forward and not really interested in playing, even now in year 1 he prefers to stay inside at play time and read fact books, but my younger brother who is the same age struggled a bit in the school nursery as he just wanted to play all the time. Not necessarily being naughty just not following strict routine/learning letters and numbers straight away. I think it depends on both the nursery and the child.

Goldenbear · 11/09/2019 19:32

It does sound strict for that age. It's so young still, what's the obsession with making them grow up quickly. My youngest is 8 now but went to a coomunity preschool. It was in an old church that was no longer used for a church and had lots of space, space enough for a fairly big wooden climbing frame and slide, tunnels, crash mats. They had tables set up with different activities on, so messy play, wooden train track etc and regularly had pretend teddy bear picnics or superhero days. They were not strict which was good as my DD was very shy around adults that weren't me basically! Lots of the 3/4 yet olds had their attachment teddies or toys, they weren't banned like is advocated on MN a lot!. Again this was helpful for my DD as she had a special jellycat donkey. One girl would bring in this Teddy rabbit with huge ears that must have had wire in them as you could move the ears and they would stay upright, I've never seen one before or since and this led many children to want to play with it and take it off her but despite this they still didn't ban attachment teddies. This is how it should be in my mind.

averythinline · 11/09/2019 19:37

that sounds far to much for a 3 yr old..I also used a pre-school playgroup as ratios better and more 'fun' yes they covered eyfs stuff but much more small child orientated than teh school nursery..
look in your council family services directory they should be in that

MerryMarigold · 11/09/2019 19:42

I work in a private nursery. I am constantly being pushed by management to make sure the kids can count to 500 (ok, slight exaggeration), write their names and other words the term before they are starting Reception, doing adding/ subtracting and reading words. All done by highly unqualified people. In my experience (of sending my own kids to school nursery) it was more relaxed as they knew a. how to make learning fun (qualified teachers doing it) b. what the expectation is by Reception and leave Reception some EYFS goals to complete c. Great outdoor play equipment and a lot of time spent outside d. Better resources as resourced by school which is non profit making, unlike private nursery. I'd also say the staff are much stricter where I work as they are dealing with a lot more scenarios eg. several mealtimes, younger children joining in, minimal staffing (in ratio but no more).

In my opinion, nursery workers are under qualified and underpaid which doesn't make them great at the education end of the spectrum. They don't know what needs to be taught realistically, or how to teach it properly. I'd much rather send my child to school nursery any day of the week, but I'm sure this depends on the teacher.

I am confused how there are 10 preschoolers in the class though. Is this a village school? Ours had 30 in each session.

Timandra · 11/09/2019 19:46

All school nurseries, private nurseries, pre-schools and childminders should providing consistently play-based activities. Learning through play is fundamental to the EYFS. I think the diffference is based more on who is in charge than whether it's a school nursery or not.

Three year olds shouldn't be required to be able to sit still and listen to stories. There should be options to move around, use fiddle toys, etc and alternative activities available at that age.

Anyone who has had to tell a group of three year olds off a lot is getting something badly wrong.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 11/09/2019 19:48

Going to nursery is the first step into society, rules have to be learnt, this is not a bad thing and can be learnt through play. So the children were told to quieten or calm down before parent pick up, that is life, it is not all joy and sunshine even at three.

mathanxiety · 11/09/2019 19:56

Anyone who has had to tell a group of three year olds off a lot is getting something badly wrong.

THIS ^^

Emma1609 · 11/09/2019 19:56

YANBU this makes me really sad to hear of this. 3 year olds should be allowed to play and explore freely and should not be getting told off, there are better ways to manage behaviour. It is a complete misunderstanding of child development to think that 3 year olds can act like school age kids (some can, most can't!) Nursery should be nurturing and caring and that's what the staff are getting paid to do!

Excited101 · 11/09/2019 19:56

They should be following rules, it’s completely normal in any nursery I’ve come across- they won’t be allowed to run inside or throw or scream/shout. It’s VERY hard to say if yours is too strict without knowing exactly what they were being told off for.

My nursery expects them fully toilet trained when they start at 2-3, and to use it fully independently. My LO can’t wipe after a poo but that’s all, and of course they’ll help them if they need to.

Goldenbear · 11/09/2019 19:57

I actually think life should be pretty much 'joy and sunshine' at 3, I really do!

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 11/09/2019 19:57

I kept my child in private nursery when ex left due to circumstance instead of going to school nursery when he was 3. Was the biggest mistake I did. He lacked structure of the school that the school nursery gave when her finally went to school. The private nursery let him down and gave him zero structure or discipline. Took him a couple of years to settle into school life. Thankfully he was a bright kid and he excelled but i made sure all my dc went to school nursery after that. Even my ds2 who can beel quite challenging behaviour wise has settled into the routine of it and has done wonders for him.

Thehop · 11/09/2019 19:58

I have worked in nurseries for 15 years, and was a childminder before.

We’ve never had this environment. Telling off is awful. Guide, support, model better choices.....but should overall be a very happy environment!!!

Teddybear45 · 11/09/2019 19:59

At 3 I would expect them to be preparing to start school the following year and not messing around. If you wanted a play focus you should have started nursery earlier.

Ronnie27 · 11/09/2019 20:08

My son was too immature for nursery socially despite being in a private nursery and doing all the usual weekend activities plus being one of the oldest in his year. He had been speech delayed but then suddenly caught up really quickly just before starting school so it wasn’t immediately obvious that there had been a problem and he struggled with the expectations on him I think. He just didn’t naturally conform, didn’t register that the other children were for example all sitting quietly on the carpet and understand that had to do the same without being explicitly told, he really needed things spelling out and always seemed to be in trouble for a while bless him. He just didn’t get school at that age but caught up over the next year and a half and has done extremely well all through primary. Some children just aren’t ready for it at that age.

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