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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross over aggressive mum in car park

95 replies

Member345787 · 10/09/2019 19:45

Just venting on here really!

Picked up DS6 and DD5 from club and returned to my car which is parked in a public car park. DC begin bickering in the back seat as usual! We are in the car a few minutes talking and putting on seatbelts. When I started the engine with the handbrake still on, my reversing sensor sounded. I looked out of the rear view mirror again and couldn't see anything but someone shouted loudly at me from the side of the car. It turns out to be a mum who is v.v. cross as her children were walking behind my car at the point I had started the engine.

I apologised immediately and explained that I hadn't seen them. She carried on shouting at me, and this deteriorates with her saying I shouldn't have a driving licence etc etc. She was frightening my (younger than hers) children, and as we weren't getting anywhere after my apology, I closed my window and (carefully) reversed out of the car parking space. She carried on shouting at me, and then as I pulled away, took her mobile phone out and photographed my car. She waited whilst I drove around the car park to the exit where I had to pass near her again, and shouted some more.

I get that she is cross at the "near miss", although I honestly couldn't see anyone in my mirrors. I also get that she/her children might not have realised we were in the car as we had been inside a few minutes and she might not have seen us get in. I also understand it would have been completely different if I had reversed into her child!

I don't care that she has a photo of my car but it felt a bit aggressive when she took it. I am just cross at her extreme reaction to what was a mistake (and I hold my hands up to being distracted by my children instead of 100% concentrating on driving). The whole incident left me with a nasty taste in my mouth, and more importantly my children keep asking me "will the shouty lady be in the car park next time we are club?"

OP posts:

onioncrumble · 10/09/2019 19:50

That's horrid. It's quite scary when people are aggressive like this, especially in front of children.

LinoleumBlownapart · 10/09/2019 20:03

You didn't reverse so you didn't hit anyone. Yes ideally you would look back and check but it sounds like you hadn't even moved yet, so she was being totally unreasonable! She was probably a bit shaken up and was venting that in anger onto you, also possibly a little guilt as a young child walked behind a car but she didn't do presumably she wasn't holding their hands. It was an accident that was avoided, chalk it up to experience. Hopefully, when she calms down, she will too.

LinoleumBlownapart · 10/09/2019 20:04

so not do

littlepeas · 10/09/2019 20:09

I’d understand her reaction if you’d started to reverse but you didn’t move . She shouldn’t have been letting her dc walk around willy nilly in a car park and should have been watching for cars that might pull out - you have to be hyper vigilant when walking in car parks.

bettyjune07 · 10/09/2019 20:20

As far as I'm aware you have to start the engine, then check mirrors, then reverse out. Ignore her! Extreme over reaction on her behalf.

Provincialbelle · 10/09/2019 20:23

It is her responsibility to control her children in a car park. There are many blind spots and cars moving all the tjme

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 10/09/2019 20:25

Can you clarify whether you actually moved the car before her shouting?

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2019 20:29

I was wondering that too Fiddlesticks but the OP says...

I apologised immediately and explained that I hadn't seen them.

So she must've been moving?

DdraigGoch · 10/09/2019 20:31

You shouldn't be reversing out of a space though. It's always safer to reverse in and drive out.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 10/09/2019 20:31

I think it's really hard with very small children, if they are directly behind your car they dont show up in any mirrors or the window. Which is why small children need to walk next to their parents in car parks. Hopefully she was just shaken up and wont be as aggressive if you see her again

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 10/09/2019 20:32

Ss far as I'm aware there is no law about not reversing into spaces

BadBehaviour · 10/09/2019 20:39

Maybe she should pay more attention to her kids in a car park? Rude! It’s her fault OP. If she’s rude to you again or verbally aggressive report her to the school & police. Why should your children be scared to go to school

Couchbettato · 10/09/2019 20:50

I think this is an "if every one took more care" situation.

The good thing is no one was hurt and OP recognised the potential for damage to happen so I don't think OP will make this mistake again. She did the right thing and apologised, but this woman was just not having it which is kind of where she is an arsehole and OP isn't being unreasonable to be a bit pissed at that.

I imagine if I was that mum I'd still be cross after an apology but I wouldn't snap a picture because there's just no need. If damage wasn't done to any one or anything then why does evidence need to be collected?

OP I'm sorry you've had a situation where it seems like you and DC are shook. Pay no mind, just do better next time.

Sunshinegirl82 · 10/09/2019 20:53

It's difficult to get a pram out of the boot if you reverse into a space. Something DH (who prefers to reverse in when parking!) never remembers!

tillytrotter1 · 10/09/2019 20:54

She needs to be superviding her children in a car park, cars move! As for the photos, someone did this to me recently about a trivial matter, I picked up my phone and aimed it at her children and took quite a few photos, set her off even more, very satisfactory!

BogglesGoggles · 10/09/2019 20:57

I don’t understand why she cared that you started you engine as they were walking behind. You could have proceeded to spend another few minutes fiddling with sat nav etc before moving off.

Timandra · 10/09/2019 21:01

Nobody was in any danger from you starting the engine.

It was the mother's responsibility to make sure that her children we safe and yours to check your mirrors before you moved. She neglected her responsibility and you hadn't moved.

Chalk it up to her being an aggressive and unpleasant person and be grateful you aren't one of her children.

Original poster

Member345787 · 10/09/2019 21:04

Thank you everyone for your comments. I am of course relieved that no harm came to her child, and it has been a lesson to me about taking more care. I do get easily distracted by the world war going on in the backseat and I know this is no excuse.

I don't think I moved, if anything I was trying to get clutch bite (whilst trying to figure out why my sensor was going off) but it must have been frightening for her and her child, and I get that.

However I insist my DC walk in car parks holding my hands, and I am extremely vigilant about watching out for cars. I do feel she has to take a little responsibility as she wasn't doing that with hers (and agree her anger at me could be transference for her guilt). I feel I have to teach my children to look out for themselves, not that the world has to look out for them.

I was just cross that a small incident was blown up into a really nasty incident (I told my children that sometimes adults are angry and that is wrong)

Thank you again everyone x

OP posts:

Quirrelsotherface · 10/09/2019 21:04

She needs to watch her kids whilst they are walking in a car park. She was a shit mum and was taking it out on you rather than admitting that.

JSSB · 11/09/2019 14:22

I had something similar happen to me once. I came back to my car in car park and transit vans were parked either side of me. I literally couldn't see a thing so had no choice but to reverse out very slowly. I have parking sensors so know there was nothing behind me, as well as looking to check. As I was pulling out a woman started shouting at me I could have run her children over. I apologised but don't see what else I could have done? I was travelling at a snails pace as I was so worried. I now always try to reverse park in car parks do don't have the stress of reversing out.

Ilikethisone · 11/09/2019 14:26

You shouldn't be reversing out of a space though. It's always safer to reverse in and drive out.

There is no law saying this. Nor does it make sense. A child could walk behind the car when reversing into a parking space.

But if a parent does their job and watches the child in a car park and doesnt let them run off. Reversing cars wouldn't be a danger to the child.

Dongdingdong · 11/09/2019 14:31

There is no law saying this. Nor does it make sense. A child could walk behind the car when reversing into a parking space

I never considered this before, but actually what Ddraig says does make sense. A child is far less likely to be walking between a reversing vehicle and the one parked behind it (or a reversing vehicle and the wall/fence) than walking through the middle of the car park.

Dongdingdong · 11/09/2019 14:32

Plus it eliminates situations like JSSB's when exiting the space.

Nonmerci · 11/09/2019 14:39

You shouldn't be reversing out of a space though. It's always safer to reverse in and drive out.

It is safer but they wouldn’t teach forward bay parking if it was illegal.

Her responsibility to watch her children in a car park.

SleepyKat · 11/09/2019 14:40

You must have been in reverse for your sensor to sound? So I guess she sees a car with its reverse lights on and kids right behind and got a shock. She wouldn’t have known your handbrake was on?

Also sounds like she ought to supervise her kids across a carpark better.

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