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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross over aggressive mum in car park

95 replies

Member345787 · 10/09/2019 19:45

Just venting on here really!

Picked up DS6 and DD5 from club and returned to my car which is parked in a public car park. DC begin bickering in the back seat as usual! We are in the car a few minutes talking and putting on seatbelts. When I started the engine with the handbrake still on, my reversing sensor sounded. I looked out of the rear view mirror again and couldn't see anything but someone shouted loudly at me from the side of the car. It turns out to be a mum who is v.v. cross as her children were walking behind my car at the point I had started the engine.

I apologised immediately and explained that I hadn't seen them. She carried on shouting at me, and this deteriorates with her saying I shouldn't have a driving licence etc etc. She was frightening my (younger than hers) children, and as we weren't getting anywhere after my apology, I closed my window and (carefully) reversed out of the car parking space. She carried on shouting at me, and then as I pulled away, took her mobile phone out and photographed my car. She waited whilst I drove around the car park to the exit where I had to pass near her again, and shouted some more.

I get that she is cross at the "near miss", although I honestly couldn't see anyone in my mirrors. I also get that she/her children might not have realised we were in the car as we had been inside a few minutes and she might not have seen us get in. I also understand it would have been completely different if I had reversed into her child!

I don't care that she has a photo of my car but it felt a bit aggressive when she took it. I am just cross at her extreme reaction to what was a mistake (and I hold my hands up to being distracted by my children instead of 100% concentrating on driving). The whole incident left me with a nasty taste in my mouth, and more importantly my children keep asking me "will the shouty lady be in the car park next time we are club?"

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 11/09/2019 14:43

I think you did the best thing leaving the shouty woman. Hopefully you won't see her again.

LochJessMonster · 11/09/2019 14:46

I think you if a car started its engines and put its reversing lights on whilst your children were walking behind, you would be equally upset and probably come across as aggressive.

The worrying thing is you didn't see the children, so if the mum hadn't of shouted you would have reversed into her children. So I think you can understand why she was so angry.

ElizaPancakes · 11/09/2019 14:50

There is no law saying this. Nor does it make sense. A child could walk behind the car when reversing into a parking space

No but there’s a reasonable expectation that a car is reversing into a space whereas you might not see a driver get in when you’re walking past the end of a parked car.

It’s not a law but it is common sense.

shearwater · 11/09/2019 14:53

It's amazing how many people do start to cross when you have looked, have your reverse lights on and have started reversing.

^Highway Code Rule 15
Reversing vehicles. Never cross behind a vehicle which is reversing, showing white reversing lights or sounding a warning^

from123toabc · 11/09/2019 14:54

What car do you drive?

I remember watching a news piece about how kids can't be seen behind 4x4's. I simply wouldn't own one because of this...I have noticed that most of the cars at my DC's school are 4x4's and it makes me so paranoid

flumpybear · 11/09/2019 14:54

She's an Idiot! If ever my children are behind a car I'm Also there so any drivers CAN see
A Person behind - Not all cars have parking sensors so it's common sense that you make your children safe from the environment - you obviously do your own bit too but she was at fault herself for putting them in a potentially dangerous situation

SnuggyBuggy · 11/09/2019 14:54

The OP presumably isn't psychic, how was she supposed to have seen those kids?

Ilikethisone · 11/09/2019 15:05

No but there’s a reasonable expectation that a car is reversing into a space whereas you might not see a driver get in when you’re walking past the end of a parked car.It’s not a law but it is common sense.

A reasonable expectation to a small child?

The fact is the children were not near their parents. A child may not expect a car to start reversing into a parking spot and run behind it anyway.

A reversing car is a hazard especially to small children that cant be seen.

Ita common sense to not let your children run ahead in a car park.

SleepyKat · 11/09/2019 15:08

A 4x4 driver reversed into my car once. Got out and said it was the second time that month he’d done it as he couldn’t see cars behind his 4x4. Like it was some sort of excuse which absolved him from any responsibility.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 11/09/2019 15:11

She is ridiculous. She should of had hold of her children, or walked on the paths.

I have a rear parking camera as well as sensors. However for these to work, I need to put the car in reverse for the camera screen to show.

It is perfectly fine to start your engine if someone is walking behind (or in front!). You might not even be ready to move. You may be turning your sat nav on etc.
It is also perfectly fine to put the car in reverse and prepare for the manoeuvre before moving.
One this is complete, you will be checking mirrors and blind spots - and camera if you have one. My camera is great for seeing little wayward toddlers trying to walk behind and being hidden by virtue of their height.

She should be grateful she wasn't me today who genuinely nearly got run over through no fault of her own.... one way street, car passes, no more cars... I step out and start walking. Car that passes then stops and starts reversing and it was only my screeching and quick moving that stopped me from being run over. I'm still shaking. And none the wiser why he reversed as although there was parking on the side of the street (where I was heading to my car!) there wasn't a space.

KUGA · 11/09/2019 15:24

My retort would have been why the
f aren't you holding their hands,it is a car park after all.
And cars do come and go you know.
She sounds like a twat head to me don`t let her niggle you.

TixieLix · 11/09/2019 15:25

Are you sure you weren't moving your car OP? It must have been in gear for the sensors to sound, and the mother would have seen the reversing lights and understandably been scared you were about to reverse in to her children.

Jellybeansincognito · 11/09/2019 15:33

Hmm I don’t know.
I was in a car park the other day and someone nearly hit us, i don’t usually get cross but I walked over and had a moan at them for not paying enough attention.
I said my peace and walked off though.

Shouting and being aggressive and not getting the hint to stop isn’t ok, but I think having a rant at someone who should be paying more attention is ok.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 11/09/2019 15:41

It is safer but they wouldn’t teach forward bay parking if it was illegal.

They don’t teach forward bay parking AFAIK.

OP you should always reverse into parking spaces.

Silly woman should never walk her children behind parked cars.

DrinkTaboo · 11/09/2019 15:41

OP, you did nothing wrong.

First of all you do not even need a licence to drive on a private owned car park, so what a stupid thing for her to say.

Second, you did check your mirrors and surroundings by the sounds of it but could not see anything, however you were clearly aware enough to be paying attention to a shouting person in a busy car park.

She was probably scared shitless that her child was behind a car with its reverse lights on, so I can understand the panicking but really to carry on shouting and then take pictures is just over kill.

Oh and to those saying about parking nose out, give me a break! It's always been a mix of nose in and out in car parks. You take this in to account and make sure your child is not running behind or in front of cars that are clearly running.

So many people in car parks just fuckin fly out of spaces, nose out or nose in, you can't afford to take the risk of letting children run around like it's a playground.

shearwater · 11/09/2019 15:48

You can't always reverse into a parking space, depends how the car park is designed and how busy it is. I always try and reverse into a space, but if there is another car up my arse and it's a busy car park, I'll drive into it.

shearwater · 11/09/2019 15:49

*The space, not the car.

Nat6999 · 11/09/2019 15:49

I got shouted at by a mother close to where I live, her toddler had run in to the road, she came strolling along a couple of minutes later. Luckily I was only crawling as the road is very narrow with parked cars on both sides & I saw him run out in to the road, he couldnt have been 2 years old, if I hadn't glanced as I came to the corner, I would have hit him as he wasnt tall enough for me to see him over the bonnet (I drive an SUV) She was lucky because other cars speed down the road. I shouted back & told her to keep hold of her child

CassianAndor · 11/09/2019 15:52

I'll start reversing into spaces when I'm guaranteed to be able to get my trolley between parked cars round to the boot.

OMGshefoundmeout · 11/09/2019 15:53

My Dad was a driving instructor. He dinned it into me that it is always safer to reverse into a bay and drive out rather than the other way round. Even better if you find a place where you can drive in and drive out. He was a lovely man who taught me many things but 30 years after his death, I think that’s been the most helpful.

shearwater · 11/09/2019 15:54

Yes, that's it. I love Aldi as there are loads of spaces you can reverse into and get your trolley to safely and easily (much more safely than if you drive in). In Sainsbury's, however, there are only a few spaces like that, and sometimes you still can't reverse in as it's too busy. Some car parks are a lot better designed than others.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 11/09/2019 15:56

I'll start reversing into spaces when I'm guaranteed to be able to get my trolley between parked cars round to the boot.

Which of course is more important than being able to see if it’s safe to pull out. Or you could just carry your bags from the trolley parked at the front of the car to the boot.

MzHz · 11/09/2019 15:57

For this reason whenever I was in the war zone that is the school car park, I always reversed back into the space so that I can drive back out once I’ve got the dc

The amount of people who are completely incompetent at driving, or who are so oblivious to life they walk their kids right behind vehicles, it’s just too much.

In the end I stopped using the car park because it was too chaotic

CassianAndor · 11/09/2019 15:57

I'm perfectly capable to reversing out of a space. I have to trust that others are perfectly capable of keep their wits about them and their children under control.

Not had any issues in the 25 years I've been driving.

MzHz · 11/09/2019 16:00

That’s the thing tho @CassianAndor, it’s not you that is the liability, it’s the others.

At least if we’re capable of reversing into a space (and many aren’t - they shouldn’t be on the road IMO) we give ourselves the best chance at not having an accident or worse injure someone’s child.

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