Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To be absolutely furious

106 replies

Alfiesmom15 · 10/09/2019 17:42

Me and my partner been together 6 years we have our problems like most but weve been working on them but seriously today I could actually throttle him.... my cars at garage so he needed to take me to work then drop son at school. He also picks son up from school.... I rang him at 3pm to make sure he was getting ready to go get son..... queue 20 past three school.phones hes not turned up and no one can get hold of him.... hed fell to fucking sleep (my sister fetched him).... and then I get home sink full of washing up, crumbs all over the side, boxes I've asked to be moved full of his shit and still there in my living room.... sons come home from school with shit all over his wellies (forest school) instead of washing them or putting them outside my house now smells of horse shit.... I had to wait 15 mins outside work to get me..... my cars not going to be fixed till tomorrow the problem is bigger then what they thought so probably going to cost more money.
Now hes driving an hours drive to buy a computer desk. Which he will defo make out hes doing me a massive favour except it's for his computer that I never actually use.... someone please tell me I'm not over reacting because I'm fuming

OP posts:

Careylisa · 10/09/2019 20:06

Having a bad day @MrsElizabethShelby?? Totally no need for vile name calling! Pathetic

MrsElizabethShelby · 10/09/2019 20:06

Ok OP, I'm going to bow out now,l. You clearly just want someone to argue with or for people to just agree with you.

YABU and you know it but you stick to your self righteous anger.

Also here's a in place of medal for working from 2 weeks pp.

MrsElizabethShelby · 10/09/2019 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Careylisa · 10/09/2019 20:11

Takes one to know one I suppose @MrsElizabethShelby 🤷‍♀️

MrsElizabethShelby · 10/09/2019 20:13

Did it hurt @Carylisa?

Careylisa · 10/09/2019 20:14

What, when you dropped out my backside @MrsElizabethShelby??

MrsElizabethShelby · 10/09/2019 20:16

No dear, when you fell off your high horse.

LannieDuck · 10/09/2019 20:17

The responses on MN are normally that if you work PT, you should do the majority of the childcare and housework. Sounds like he's not even getting to 50%...

Careylisa · 10/09/2019 20:17

Hmmm that didn’t really work though did it?? Cringe

Ponoka7 · 10/09/2019 20:24

I did 12 hour night shifts, had three children.

Me and nearly all the Parents that i worked with had to fit our sleep in during our day's off and make school puck up for 3. Being low paid, very few of us had cars.

I know night cleaners and warehouse staff that do similar.

He couldn't have been tjat exhausted that he's not bothered doing school pick up. He's just thought someone else could do it.

Likewise the dishes etc.

I take it that this is part of of your problems OP? Him just deciding he's going to do and what can be left for you?

meyouandlulutoo · 10/09/2019 20:27

Can't you use his car during the week while yours is in the garage?

meyouandlulutoo · 10/09/2019 20:37

I think I misunderstood, does yourOH collect DS from school everyday? In which case I understand why you can't use his car, sorry.

FWIW, I think he could have cleared up after himself and picked up your son. After all he won't be working again until Friday night. Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Couchbettato · 10/09/2019 20:42

I don't think you're unreasonable to be upset but if you know it's not like him to be like this then I wouldn't stress over it.

I remember being forgotten at school because my mum was still tired from doing a night shift well over a day before. She felt awful too.

As for cleaning, if it won't kill you, don't stress. Of course cleaning needs doing but you don't need to do it, then complain you've had to do it. I'm sure it could have been left till tomorrow when DH had time to rest and then he would have done it.

I think you're just wired to take things on, because you're a worker and a mum. And it can cause stress especially when cars break down and the garage wants more money.

I hope you feel better OP. It's OK to feel like you want to throttle your partner.

Original poster

Alfiesmom15 · 10/09/2019 20:47

Your the only person on this thread looking for an argument that seems to think it's ok for me do everything @misselizabethshelby clearly you had to go to work and do everything around the house while yours was working part time? ... no the last couple days he has definitely not done 50 percent.... he hasnt even cleaned up after himself... my problem is the only productive thing hes done is take a nap.... hes here all day he could of washed up his own dishes....
I cant drive his car it's too big for me in comparison to mine and usually full of equipment so it hard to drive for me.

@lannieduck generally we dont work on who works what hours but surely it should be at last 50/50 .... we both bring in similar money, so it's not even like it's one of us pays more to warrant the other doing less, clearly now our son is at school it's like hes gone on bloody holiday or something

OP posts:

BetweenTheMoon · 10/09/2019 20:47

100% with you OP. It's shit. You are a team and you should split things 50/50 and be able to rely on him.

If you worked those hours I can bet you'd still be doing as much as you do now if not more.

As soon as he's up and about at the weekend, take yourself off to do something just for you and give yourself a break.

BreconBeBuggered · 10/09/2019 21:10

The falling asleep I could understand, given the pattern of working. But what would hack me off is coming in to the sink full of dishes. If he's awake enough to make the mess, he's awake enough to clear up after himself.
I know lots of fairly badly-paid women who do night shifts several times a week to keep the household finances afloat while their partners work through the day, and they all do the school pick-ups. I'd bet my last penny that if any of them were late, their husbands wouldn't be the ones getting called by the school.

SuperSara · 10/09/2019 21:43

"DJ’s can earn ALOT of money..."

LoreleiRock · 10/09/2019 22:14

Why does everyone assume the “proper job” AlwaysCheddar refers to has anything to do with money? It really does sound like his career is not compatible with family life, if he is too tired to wash up or pick his child up from school after a midnight finish 2 days ago. Is he old OP? Although I am old and I manage to work 40-50 hour weeks and look after my kids, pets and home.

GabsAlot · 10/09/2019 22:44

He sounds lazy and my dh does nights alot 12 hour shifts not playng bloody music for 4 hours-if he finished monday morning he shouldnt be dropping off today and forgeting his son if he cant cope with nights he should do something else

x2boys · 10/09/2019 23:04

I worked nights on and off for years l ts, exhausting even on your nights off ,you always feel k me you are playing catch up with sleep ,I was a nurse though not a DJ, I guess it depends How much he earns as to whether he needs to get a better job ....

MoanyAnna · 11/09/2019 03:09

I am really shocked at so many weighing in to say YABU. I am not in the least precious but would be more than annoyed at the situation you describe. He could easily have set an alarm on his nap and had some consideration about the other things. YANBU , but by the time you read this hopefully you will feel better after a nights sleep.
But he needs to take charge of himself like a grown up !

BasiliskStare · 11/09/2019 04:13

3 cups, a bowl , 2 plates , and five knives left on the side ?

There is obviously something you need to speak to him about but oftentimes if I came into my house and that was all that had been left by the sink I would be dancing a little jig of happiness. Also in my case stuff is left on top of the counter directly on top of the dishwasher ( so as easy to put in to dishwasher as to leave on top)

I do realise I am spectacularly missing the point here

BasiliskStare · 11/09/2019 04:17

Oh & BTW I am not saying it is my job to do the dishwashing - so I do get your point about clearing up but here , yes not everything gets washed up the minute used - I am as guilty as the next. If you do not have a dishwasher then I think at times , neatly stacked can be OK - perhaps I am a slattern.

minesagin37 · 11/09/2019 05:23

Is Carl Cox still around?

rosedream · 11/09/2019 06:39

He should set an alarm on his phone. He is being irresponsible.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5