"I'll do it later"

[Nobhobs]

My DH favourite bloody sentence!! Half an hour before I left to go to an exercise class tonight when I was getting ready I asked him to bathe the baby. He said "yeah I'll do it later" got back 2 hours later.. baby not bathed.

Baby needed BF'ing as soon as I got back so asked him to quickly make some dinner. Fresh tortellini which literally cooks in 3 minutes. Was starving after being home all day with baby (8 weeks) and going to exercise class. He said "yep in a minute" and I finished BF'ing 20 minutes later and he's not moved.

We're sleeping separately so he doesn't have to wake for the night feeds. Baby falls asleep and I ask DH if he can go and change his nappy and put him in a sleepsuit ready for bed, whilst I have a quick shower and brush my teeth and then bring him into me and me and baby will go down for the night. Yet again he says "yeah I will in a bit".. you guessed it.. showered and in bed and still no baby. Text him asking if he's bringing him in which he reads and ignores, so I have to get get baby and change him ready for bed. I don't mind doing this but I'm at home all day everyday with DS and I do every night feed.

Went down to get DS and asked why he can never do anything when I ask him too, why it always has to be 'later' (which more often than not turns out to mean never) and he just moaned about how he's married to a nag and all I do is whinge at him. I could cry.

He’s annoying

Don't cry. Get angry and LTB

I couldn't be with anyone who treated me like that, it doesn't sound like he contributes to the house at all or is this a one off event?

You aren’t unreasonable . He needs a good kick up the backside . He’s a father now . Why don’t you get him up for the night feeds ?

You better put your foot down and let him feel the full force of fatherhood including the night feeds , otherwise he’s going to make everything to do with the kids and house your job.

I think you’ve been making his life too easy .

I have become a total nag but it's because he never does anything I ask. If I nag enough sometimes he will do something (rarely) if I don't then there's not a bloody Hope!!!

When he wants clean clothes /a meal tell him you will do it /make it later.
Sounds like you have a new born and a teenager op....
Unfortunately he doesn't do these things because he knows eventually you will do them.

What is he doing while he's putting off the things you ask him to do?

DS is EBF so there didn't seem much point us both waking up for night feeds. I don't begrudge him that but when I ask for things in return, considering all the feeding falls to me he just puts it off. If I say he's being lazy and not pulling his weight he says that I haven't given him the chance and that he said he'd do it later. He's so annoying.

@c3pu Sitting on his bloody arse!!!

Stop doing everything you can stop for him :D if he asks you for something that isn't important for the baby repeat the sentence back to him.

Only took two instances of my husband not having clean pants for work for him to start prioritising helping with the washing :D

When I got up to make dinner because he couldn't be bothered I said to him that it felt a bit shit, considering he knew I'd been up since 4am with DS and started an exercise class just 8 weeks after my c-section that he couldn't of just sorted dinner out whilst I BF. Walked out the room and he started talking to DS in baby voice going "that's what we call whinging! Mummy loves to do that! Nag nag nag all day long" and I could of bloody punched him

Ok so he'd prefer to relax than help. Wouldn't we all...

What does he bring to the relationship? Is his procrastination his only flaw, does he have any redeeming features?

Perhaps when you challenged him about his behaviour it could have been in a more structured and tactful manner (difficult to tell from your post exactly how it was raised) but his response is just deflection and fairly infantile by the sounds of it. Not a good sign.

What an asshole.

for you, he’s being a dick. Go on strike. If it doesn’t benefit you or the baby, don’t do it. Lazy shit.

Your husband is a piece of shit and I highly doubt this will get better. His lack of respect and care for you is shocking.

I read somewhere that you should tell your husband to replace the word nag with the word help.

Also agree you should put the foot down, it might involve a screaming match but he needs to realise what his responsibility is and you need him to step up. My baby is now 2 and I ready to get divorced as I was scared of sounding like a nag and tried to be the easy going wife he wanted. In actual fact I became a door mat who done everything and was stonewalled when I behaved out of line (in his opinion) babies need a lot. You are still a very new mum and will still be adjusting and recovering. Let him know the extent of it and if you can, pump or let him give baby a bottle. Leave the house for as long as you can and let him realise how much you do. I tried too hard to do it all and he didn't realise how much he expected, so much so he actually complained I had only cooked x amount of dinners in a week when he went back to work. Don't stand for it. They don't have any idea how hard it is or how much you try to do everything so perfect.

When baby wakes tonight go and sit with your husband when you feed ds.

He sounds selfish at the very least and I would say lazy

You are still recovering from the birth

He needs to help

Maybe I should clarify. Instead of "why are you nagging" it would become "why are you asking me to help"

Your answer would be along the lines of, coz you don't get off your lazy arse and take the initiative so I'm telling you to do it!

He’s a prick, sorry to be blunt. Not sure he will change as he has a shitty attitude to you and your ‘nagging’ (which of course isn’t nagging at all, if he would just do the fucking stuff that needs to be done)

Sorry OP but your “D”H sounds pretty awful! How dare he badmouth you to your son, even if he is only 8 weeks old!! I’m actually quite angry on your behalf, and I really hope this is a one off for him, and this isn’t how he generally treats you.

Don't nag, don't ask for anything, just don't do a thing for him. At night, feed the baby then hand the baby to him for a nappy change, don't even bring the nappies. If he protests, tell him he's a nag. Make dinner for one, washing for one, tidy only your things. He better not 'nag'you for help! Don't you become his mother while he becomes your toddler!

You're not nagging your are reminding him he's being an inadequate husband, a lousy father and a lazy bastard.

Did you consider his personality before deciding to have children with him?

When he was on paternity he was great. He'd wind and nappy change after night feeds, cooked every meal, did all housework he just let me sit feed and cuddle DS. Since he's been back at work a few weeks he's just switched and seems to expect me to do everything. When I mentioned feeling unsupported and that I think he's being lazy he references how much he did those first two weeks and makes out that I'm ungrateful for them.

He sounds terrible. Personally I’d stop doing anything for him. When he wants anything say you’ll do it later. Dinner for one. Washing for one. If he asks about both say you’ll do it later.

I just can't contribute to this discussion as the rage is making me too stressed.
Take a le creuset saucepan. Use it. Bury the body.

‘Did you consider his personality before deciding to have children with him?’

I don’t understand why posters make snide and unhelpful comments like this just designed to belittle and blame the OP and make the bad behaviour of her partner into her fault. It makes AIBU a much less pleasant place than so many of the other boards where people actually try to help and support.

What do posters hope to achieve when they post things like that?