"I'll do it later"

[Nobhobs]

My DH favourite bloody sentence!! Half an hour before I left to go to an exercise class tonight when I was getting ready I asked him to bathe the baby. He said "yeah I'll do it later" got back 2 hours later.. baby not bathed.

Baby needed BF'ing as soon as I got back so asked him to quickly make some dinner. Fresh tortellini which literally cooks in 3 minutes. Was starving after being home all day with baby (8 weeks) and going to exercise class. He said "yep in a minute" and I finished BF'ing 20 minutes later and he's not moved.

We're sleeping separately so he doesn't have to wake for the night feeds. Baby falls asleep and I ask DH if he can go and change his nappy and put him in a sleepsuit ready for bed, whilst I have a quick shower and brush my teeth and then bring him into me and me and baby will go down for the night. Yet again he says "yeah I will in a bit".. you guessed it.. showered and in bed and still no baby. Text him asking if he's bringing him in which he reads and ignores, so I have to get get baby and change him ready for bed. I don't mind doing this but I'm at home all day everyday with DS and I do every night feed.

Went down to get DS and asked why he can never do anything when I ask him too, why it always has to be 'later' (which more often than not turns out to mean never) and he just moaned about how he's married to a nag and all I do is whinge at him. I could cry.

The term 'Nagging' is one of man's greatest inventions, because it magically puts blame on women for the failures of men.

Don't buy it.

You shouldn't have to ask once, let alone repeatedly, for him to be a parent, partner and contributor to the household.

I have a great urge to reach into my phone and slap your partner for you.

he's married to a nag and all I do is whinge at him

You need to have a serious talk with him. Does he want to separate? Because if he continues like this, that seems like a real possibility.

Fed baby at 5.30 and just spent best part of an hour trying to settle him but it wasn't happening. Just woke DH up and laid baby next to him and fucked off back to my room. Can hear baby screaming now. But I shan't cave.

Will talk to him later about it. Our relationship was fine before. We've always been really close friends with a strong mutual respect, everything was shared 50/50 as we both worked. The lines seem to of gotten a little blurred in the last 6 weeks, and we used to have more of a laugh, and I have turned into a nag but he's turned into a lazy shit. Obviously if things had always been like this we wouldn't of ended up married with a baby. In the few weeks things have been crap I've not had time to divorce him just yet, surprisingly. Thanks for the helpful advice anyway. He does need a kick up the arse.

I did tell him at the time if he ever says a bad word about me to DS again he will regret it. He thinks it was a joke but it's far from it in my eyes.

I thought at first he was just a lazy shit, but after hearing the way he spoke about you to your baby, I think he's a massive lazy shit.
He's going to break your marriage if he doesn't shape up pronto, but my main concern after reading what he said to your baby is that he may actually be abusive. What was he like before you had a child?

He probably regards this from 'his side' as " you have been home all day and as soon as I come in from work you swan off to yoga and dump the baby with me, I've been at work all day and just want to relax a bit "
So a little bit of a reality check might be in order so he fully understands that now you are a family, it's all hands on deck! Fingers crossed, that when he fully understands, he'll step up to the mark . Nb. For my husband's reality check he has to look after baby for a whole day as I had to go to hospital for an observation day . I left expressed bottles and an instruction list etc . He really appreciated things more after that!!

Sorry cross posted with your update.

Big conversation needs to be had now or the resentment will only increase. Going to work doesn't get him our of parenting and would also allow him to bond with baby in his own way. What about making a timetable so he cooks a certain number of times a week? He also shouldn't be praised for helping during his paternity quite frankly that is the point of it otherwise he should have not taken it up! He didn't do you a favour, it is his kid too!

On a positive note good on you for starting your exercise class, I was still struggling to bend over 8 weeks post section!

He just sounds like a really horrible person OP. A good person wouldn't treat you this way.

Hey OP you're not a nag he is just a lazy shit.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. We're backing you on this.

He's a lazy arse and it's infuriating even reading about it.

Agree with pps, stop helping him, do what you need to do for you and baby and definitely don't shag this teenager of a man until he grows up and starts parenting and contributing to his family beyond his 9-5.

And if he asks if anything is wrong, make it clear that until he starts participating in family life, he's on his own.

Well done OP, hopefully you've managed some sleep and dh stepped up to the plate and sorted dc out last night.

Roles do get mixed up, especially when a dc comes along, maternity leave, change of dynamics and sometimes all it does need is a kick up the arse. The way I used to look at it was, I'd do 100% of the childcare and any housework, cooking or chores I could fit in whilst my dh was at work (I also wouldn't flog myself to death). But once my dh was home, everything was split 50/50. So he'd be half responsible for baby, washing up etc etc.

What I wouldn't put up with is him speaking to the baby about you, just because it's in a sing song voice so baby won't understand, doesn't make it right. That needs to be stopped right away.

You've got yourself a man child.

@Nobhobs, this is my life, but nearly 20 years further down the line. He won't change, so run now.

Don't do a single thing for the lazy arse. Sort out you and your baby and play him at his own game. When he asks what's for dinner- say you will do it later- cook yours leave him to fend for himself. When he asks why he has no clean pants- tell him you'll do a wash later- wash your stuff leave his- lather rinse repeat.

What a cock.

Maternity leave is to look after a baby not be his slave.

I think it is the usual trick with men like this to offload work and then try to frame you as the miserable old bag spoiling their (immature) outlook.

Don't fall for it. Tell him you'll boot him out and manage on your own unless he shapes up-and mean it. I've seen countless women in tears because they were just about holding their head above water with career, children and domestic responsibilities, whilst their husbands and partners sat on their arses.

Don't be that woman.

I was that woman. 2 kids, work and did all the housework.

Fucking nightmare.

Stop doing anything for him.

Swellerellamoo has hit the nail on the head. Stop propping him up. He is a husband and father now. His life has changed. Make a stand.

How was today?