"I'll do it later"

[Nobhobs]

My DH favourite bloody sentence!! Half an hour before I left to go to an exercise class tonight when I was getting ready I asked him to bathe the baby. He said "yeah I'll do it later" got back 2 hours later.. baby not bathed.

Baby needed BF'ing as soon as I got back so asked him to quickly make some dinner. Fresh tortellini which literally cooks in 3 minutes. Was starving after being home all day with baby (8 weeks) and going to exercise class. He said "yep in a minute" and I finished BF'ing 20 minutes later and he's not moved.

We're sleeping separately so he doesn't have to wake for the night feeds. Baby falls asleep and I ask DH if he can go and change his nappy and put him in a sleepsuit ready for bed, whilst I have a quick shower and brush my teeth and then bring him into me and me and baby will go down for the night. Yet again he says "yeah I will in a bit".. you guessed it.. showered and in bed and still no baby. Text him asking if he's bringing him in which he reads and ignores, so I have to get get baby and change him ready for bed. I don't mind doing this but I'm at home all day everyday with DS and I do every night feed.

Went down to get DS and asked why he can never do anything when I ask him too, why it always has to be 'later' (which more often than not turns out to mean never) and he just moaned about how he's married to a nag and all I do is whinge at him. I could cry.

Your husband is a piece of shit and I highly doubt this will get better. His lack of respect and care for you is shocking

This.

Sorry op but I would.be distancing myself, doing things for me and my baby and letting him look after himself. You will may find you are better off without him.

What mascot said

Or else sit him down and tell him how disrespectful he is being to you. Tell him his behaviour is the kind of behaviour that breaks a marriage because it makes you resentful and lose all respect for him. Tell him he is making it clear he does not love or cherish you or even like you if he thinks it is ok to treat you that way. Serious calm but firm.

Then make sure you have a plan B. Stash some cash. Plan to go back to work. Get an idea of what you would be entitled to as a single mum.

Tell him since he's not contributing you won't miss him when you split.

And you're with him why?

Don't cook for him, wash for him, .do any little favours for him. When he asks say "maybe later" if he asks again or moans call him a "nag"

If he makes snide remarks to your baby about you tell him in no uncertain terms that you don't expect him to speak like that in front of the baby and will not tolerate it.

If he doesn't shape up LTB (and I don't say that lightly)

Tell him you don't want to be married to a 13 year old.

I’d have made my own dinner and not done him any. Likewise, wash your own laundry, not his etc etc

If he asks you why you haven’t done it tell him not to be a nag

@toadabode nasty and unhelpful comment there. What exactly is she supposed to do, hop in a time machine?

He does sound lazy op. I agree with pp, start parroting that line back to him and do night feeds only. The changing and getting your baby back to sleep are on him. See how well he copes.

I'd also try time limited requests so rather than something like 'can you bath the baby' say 'can you have the baby bathed by the time I get home'. That takes away the open endedness of 'later'. When he hasn't done a perfectly reasonable request in a perfectly reasonable time frame pull him up on it hard.

I'd be saying some stern words about the snide little comments about you 'nagging' and 'whinging' to ds too. That would be a line in the sand for me.

I had this for a year (on and off) with my dh. It was infuriating. As many have suggested, i focussed on baby and myself. When he got annoyed and came out with "i feel like you don't need me", i simply said "i don't, the last year has shown me that i'm perfectly capable of doing a brilliant job on my own. You're only still here because i let you stay." He changed his attitude pdq after that!

OP please tell me you didn't give him the dinner you made?

You could get an electric breast pump and store milk for night feeds so the responsibility/tiredness is shared.

Water always finds the lowest level and unfortunately your DH knows you will do this stuff eventually if he doesn't. Tell him openly "when you tell me 'in a minute', it makes me feel like you don't make me or the baby a priority." Be prepared for his complete denial of the problem but stick to the facts and what you want (him to step up more). Remind him babies are for life not for the 2 weeks of paternity leave!

Oh OP, this isn’t right. It’s all kinds of wrong. How will you feel when your baby is old enough to understand how dismissive, disrespectful, rude and cruel his father is?

You’re meant to feel like you’re in a team

Either start making snide comments to ds about how lazy his dad is etc, while he's still young and can't understand, or tell dh it's so inappropriate for him to belittle you to your own son like that and you are disgusted with his immature behaviour.

People have given you advice. You haven't commented on it. Are you going to heed any of it?

Jesus he is awful.

What was he like before you got Pregnant? How much housework did he do?

Btw i ebf each dc for six months. When my dc woke up for feeds, i bf them. When they were
Done i woke my dh and went back to sleep
While he winded, changed if needed, and resettled them. Ebf doesnt mean he cant do
Anything useful.

Your husband is a piece of shit and I highly doubt this will get better. His lack of respect and care for you is shocking

Yep, I say this too.

So now what OP? Are you still on maternity leave? Can you go and stay with family? Or tell him that if he doesn't step up he can go and stay with his family as he is doing fuck all?

Your DH is a complete POS.

If you haven't shown him this thread then you need to. He needs to grow the fuck up.

I had an EBF baby.

DH is not perfect by any means, but we did, at his instigation, split the night duties. If I did the night feeds , I got up and did it all: feed, change, wind etc. When it was his turn, HE got out of bed, got the baby, changed her nappy, brought her to me, I would half wake and latch her on then nod off again. He’d sit up, watching us to make sure she was ok, then when she was done, wind her, check nappy and put back to bed.

It is totally possible to do a reasonable share of night feed duties with an ebf baby without expressing. Anything else is just excuses.

And all that passive aggressive crap to the baby? Fuck that.

It would be the last bloody thing he ever said to me.

People have given you advice. You haven't commented on it. Are you going to heed any of it?

OP set up this thread 40 minutes ago! Give her a chance would you!

DONT SHOW HIM THE THREAD!,

He isn’t going to have an epiphany seeing loads of random strangers making comments. Nor will he be overjoyed to see his partner is (in his eyes) bitching behind his back to total strangers.

Use the thread for support, advice it in any way you please but showing him that you are on here is terrible advice.

No nookie or food for him I say.

YANBU. He is a prick.

Time to down tools

The passive aggressive baby talk would make my blood boil, it's also something you need to stamp out now before the baby is old enough to understand.

As for your dh, I'd start making his dinner 'in a minute' wash his clothes 'later' make a cuppa for him 'later'

I’d stop doing anything for him, leave his mess, I wouldn’t wash his clothes or make his food, or do anything for him.

When it comes to your child, I’d put the baby on him and say this needs doing X Y and Z...

If it still isn’t done, I’d switch the TV off. And state in no uncertain terms... il stop “naggin” once you stop being a lazy bastard and start being a responsible husband and father!!