I find people's needs for updates uncomfortable

[fallacy]

You know when posters hound an OP for updates days after the original post? It's so weird, like they're there, waiting and salivating for more gossip under the guise of 'being worried [they're] ok'.

Aibu?

I’ve never actually had the nerve to ask but i’m Definitely a nosy parker. DH and DS have both told me off for it 😂

Yep. It is

I'd actually not care if someone posted, "hey OP I'm feeling a bit nosy and you're thread was interesting, have I missed the update?"

I agree with you, there was a post on relationships board about a lady who went on a date with her postman, after the date she never returned but people kept constantly bumping it for updates, I mean they wouldn’t give up constantly bumping it begging for an update! She didn’t post again so you would think people would get the hint, maybe it didn’t end well and how annoying would it be to keep seeing it keep popping up again.

Nottonight but in that case, poster posts to the OP something like, "Was thinking of you, hope you're doing ok now." without myriad ??? or the expectation of a response. Just letting the OP know that she was being thought of.

Most of the 'progress-chasers' are not interested in an OP's wellbeing, they want the drama to continue and a juicy update is a must.

It's really clear who the posters are who do this too. However cloaked they think they are.

fallacy, I agree with you and think it's pathetic.

I think those sort of comments are really supportive, NotTonight and I can' t see that anybody would be offended by them. I also suspect the threads you have in mind are not the same sort as those that fallacy is referring to.

If I have googled info for someone I like to think it was helpful so an update is nice to get and I love to know how all the cats and dogs have settled into their new homes.

In a CF AIBU type thread then I think asking/hinting for updates is fair game. However, when it's a thread about someone's whole life being ripped apart and some plonker puts "Got nothing to add, just place marking for updates" then I find it utterly cringe inducing.

I also hate those threads where someone posts about a suspected cheating dh (for example) and without any significant evidence people start calling for the OP to LTB and if she hasn't started packing his bags within 30 minutes of starting the thread then posters start turning on her, accusing her of not taking their advice and asking why she bothered posting in the first place. Just unbelievable behaviour.

I find myself thinking about certain threads and hoping they're okay/sensible resolution has taken place. I don't hound but I do follow/watch for this reason.

I don't really agree with you, OP. A forum like this wouldn't function if people weren't curious about other people's lives.

I'm not saying there is no altruism in people's curiosity, but a forum where people primarily discuss one another's lives (in contrast to a forum about a particular hobby or interest) can only exist because others are, to put it bluntly, nosey.

If you choose to draw on the resources and goodwill of other forum users, I think you have to accept they will be curious about how your situation turned out - if you like, it's the price you pay for receiving advice.

It's the way it's done though! It comes off badly. I'm sure I'll come across some examples this evening so I'll share them here

It's the way it's done though!

Yes, I agree it can come across badly, but rude/abrupt/tactless posting isn't confined to those asking for updates - it can happen at any point on a thread.

Yep sure, but I'm talking about a specific thing that currently annoys me. Or at least did annoy me this morning when I saw it.

There is some posters that I think of on threads that have resonated with me, and I do genuinely hope that they're ok. I wouldn't feel right asking for an update though.

I think the funny threads are a bit different, I don't generally find a lot of the classics funny but there was one about a hedgehog cake that actually made me laugh out loud and I was quite glad when the OP kept everyone updated!

Agh, apologies for typos and grammar in that previous reply

I see it mainly on threads where the OP has found some texts or worse on their husbands's phone, or similar horrible situations. I feel it's in bad taste to try and find out if their relationship has broken down!

This is massively generalising thousands of threads that are on here every day though.
There are plenty of threads where it is okay to ask for an update....... there was a great one on here a month or so ago where the OP's friend was taking OP and 2 other friends on a holiday abroad to thank them for supporting her, and one of the other friends then decided to bring her husband along. It did need updating, and you'd be lying if you said you read that thread and didn't want to know the outcome. Now that poster did come and update us but if she hadn't, then perfectly legit to ask.
There are lots of other threads where it is - not deeply emotional, outpouring of souls, but other interesting things that people ask for advice about or just 'report in' on something they are observing or whatever.
This thread is too general.

It's not that general, considering we've all been discussing the type of threads that do make us feel uncomfortable

I agree with that, BackforGood and Casander's hedgehog cake example is similar. Neither thread involved somebody's life falling apart though and that's the difference. I've never asked for an update but wouldn't think anything of somebody asking for one and I'd read it if it was there.

The posters who don't get this frankly idiot-proof nuance are probably missing their fix of Jeremy Kyle because that's the same mentality; gleeful OMG'ing at somebody crestfallen, disappointed and anguished. When I read fallacy's first post, those threads/posters are what I had in mind.

I agree, & they ask for other details saying that it’s impossible to reply because they need to know ... They really don’t!

Fascinating, thanks for sharing.