Re overnight guests

[ohwhatatodooo]

I kind of know IABU already but I just do not know how to deal with this!
An old family friend is visiting our area from abroad, and he has emailed me to ask if he can stay for a few days. Previously he probably would have asked to stay at my parents but they don't have a spare room.
There are numerous reasons why this fills me with dread...
A. I don't even feel comfortable with people popping in let alone staying overnight, I don't know why, just like my own space I guess.
B. My Dp is the same, and I know he would hate having anyone stay, particularly someone he has only met once years ago, so he would be in a massive grump about it.
C. My house isn't a showhome, and I would need to do some decorating and seriously spring cleaning to get the spare room presentable.

Based on that, I would like to say no. However, not only would this person welcome me with open arms if the shoe was on the other foot, but has actually hosted my DS (and looked after him really well) when he went travelling last year. Therefore I feel I have no option but to say yes and the thought of it really stresses me out! I can't even make an excuse because he is in the area for some time and is flexible with dates!

Swap houses with your parents for the visit? Let them look after him at your house?

Or

Take a deep breath and get on with it. They looked after your Ds.

OP,whatever excuse you dream up,this person will see it for what it is.
Stop cringing and host.you will enjoy it when the friend is actually there,the dress of something is often much worse than reality.
If you don't want to host you shouldn't have allowed them to host your ds.
They won't be bothered by a less than perfect home.
Please don't say no it would be really rude.

Dread not dress!

I really think it’s very rude, if you don’t let him stay.

Especially as your DS stayed at his.

As plenty of other posters have already stated, you can't make up an excuse not to host this man, it would be beyond rude. Just tidy the spare bedroom, fresh linen on the bed, a couple of towels, a kettle/tea/coffee/mugs etc, and welcome him to your house.

Having an overnight guest shouldn't be a chore. He won't be expecting room service, a gourmet 5 course dinner and a full English breakfast FFS.

Show him where the kitchen is, tell him to help himself to food and drink (and don't start a thread about your cheeky fucker houseguest who dared make himself a cup of tea and a slice of toast!!)

*I'm trying to find a way of hosting that will be as stress free as possible.•

I would pay for a hotel room for them and make up an excuse...water leak / floorboards taken up for work in spare room etc

I also think you have to as he hosted your DS (and looked after him well by the sounds of it). Don't decorate, do clean, and try to enjoy it.

I would pay for him to stay at a hotel. I don't want overnight visitors in my house, so that is what I do with my step children. My husband (their father) is fine about it and understands that it would stress me out having people stay.

This shocks me.

Shocks me too!

The op only has to house the visitor for a short period of time, it will soon be over and not nearly as bad as she thinks it will be.

I would pay for him to stay at a hotel. I don't want overnight visitors in my house, so that is what I do with my step children

Wonder how many people reading this are shocked but secretly admiring and envious.

You'll be glad to know I have discussed this with DP and have emailed the friend to say he can stay. DP was pretty horrified at the prospect of having someone he doesn't really know stay here, but has agreed to suck it up as he realises it's the right thing to do. I'll arrange lots of things to do that will entertain guest, bake cakes, and do my best not to get stressed about it! I am going to give the room a lick of paint though.

I’m sorry, but as much as I hate having overnight guests, if someone has taken such good care of one of my children, I wouldn’t be able to say no.

Just tidy and be gracious, ffs!!

I would pay for him to stay at a hotel. I don't want overnight visitors in my house, so that is what I do with my step children. My husband (their father) is fine about it and understands that it would stress me out having people stay.

Aide memoire to draft my will so that if dh remarries someone our dcs aren't banned from the house! Plus further aide memoire to arrange poltergeist lessons for myself because if dh capitulated to someone treating our dcs like this I'd be scaring the pair shitless.

Tbh if you're not the type to reciprocate then you shouldn't have accepted his hospitality for your son. Bit grabby no?

Put the work in and return the favour.

It wasn't really up to us to accept their hospitality for my DS, he is an adult and arranging it was nothing to do with me. If we travelled to his country we would'nt be asking to stay with him or anyone else, we would book an airbnb and just visit them. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the fact that he took care of a member of my family and as you can see by the update I have said he can stay. There's not much I can do about the fact that we feel uncomfortable with it.

I hate staying with people and people staying with me also
U have done the right thing allowing him to stay
If it is really freaking u out the day before he is due tell him u have had an infestation and u can't enter the property for the next 72 h so u have booked him into the same hotel as u are staying at although this would mean u have to stay in a hotel lol

The fact that your child - whatever age - had a safe base to be in a foreign country is worth its weight in gold and diamonds

People travel all the time and some of them don’t come back home.

You may not have arranged anything but you owe this person at least return hospitality - on behalf of your son.

HTH

He did the same for your son so you should return the favour.