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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pass the parcel etiquette

119 replies

Anappleaday1 · 07/09/2019 19:55

It's my dd's 4th birthday party tomorrow and I'm just getting pass the parcel ready. I always thought that the birthday boy/girl won the final present, but went to a party recently and this wasn't the case. AIBU if dd wins the prize? There is something small in each layer so all children will get something. I'm not precious about her getting it, she will receive plenty of presents after all, just wondering what the normal etiquette is?!

OP posts:
Neolara · 07/09/2019 22:59

Just be prepared for lots of crying. Approximately 50% of the guests will be devastated and possibly outraged that they have to pass the parcel on to their neighbour......

Yerbumsootthewindae · 07/09/2019 23:00

No, no, no. Birthday child wins nothing.

This happened at one party my son went to, I couldn't believe it but then the birthday boy's little brother had popped every single balloon within the first five minutes of the party and his little sister took a massive bite out of the cake so...it made sense Grin

woodymiller · 07/09/2019 23:05

It definitely has to be sweets in between the layers. I did stickers once and a band of mutinous 4 year olds nearly lynched me.

Bluewall · 07/09/2019 23:11

Pass the parcel at kids birthday is a nightmare !! The few parties my kids have had we have passed an object, balloon or something related to the party dinosaur etc if it stops on you you are out but you get to take either a sweetie or a small wrapped present from a bowl but you leave the circle so you know who has had a turn and who is left . Last 2 kids go back to back. I have also done this at the end of the party where when you are out you get your party bag.

Still ends with half the kids in tears but at least it's quicker than waiting for 20 4 year olds to unwrap layers and you don't have to judge when to stop the music !!

Birthday kid never wins ! Although recently I was at a party where both the birthday kids siblings won the 2 games of pass he parcel (not on purpose ) and that was just to much for the birthday child and they got really upset Confused

tinyme77 · 07/09/2019 23:28

@northernknickers
Really didn't expect to cause such offence. Sorry! Didn't think that my comment deserved sweary anger over a trivial matter.

Original poster
Anappleaday1 · 07/09/2019 23:37

Wow, wasn't expecting so many responses. Pleased there is unanimous agreement. I also wasn't expecting the time it would take, or the amount of paper required for 14 layers Confused

@northernknickers Honestly, I've never given pass the parcel much thought! It's not like it was an ingrained belief, it just occurred to me as I was getting it ready who the winner usually was and I wrongly assumed it was the birthday person (not that I thought it should be). Yes I have been to other parties but I can't say the winner of the game was my lasting memory of these!

OP posts:
cinnabarmoth · 08/09/2019 00:54

Glad to see I am not the only one who remembers layers without anything in them. Perhaps a couple of layers had small prizes, then one prize in the middle. I don't remember being at all disappointed if I got an empty layer, that was just part of the game.

HiJenny35 · 08/09/2019 01:00

If you have a party entertainer they nearly always do this, they make all the children get a prize and then make the Birthday child get the main present (or at least every party we have been to where an entertainer has ran it has). We also had a party in a craft place and softplay where they did the same.

pinkrocker · 08/09/2019 01:03

Ah, now what if you're the birthday girl having her 5th birthday party and your parents aren't actually running the pass the parcel game, but other parents are doing the music etc, and you win it, but your mum rushes over and refuses to let you have it? not that I remember this stand out moment from childhood Grin

letsgomaths · 08/09/2019 08:39

@pinkrocker Did that happen to you? Grin Another difficult part of this is if the birthday child guesses that you're making sure they don't win.

Cassilis · 08/09/2019 08:43

I agree it should absolutely not be engineered so birthday child gets the prize but when did it become a rule that every child should have a go at opening a layer?!

We’ve always let chance decide.

Kochicoo · 08/09/2019 08:54

Thanks for this thread OP. I've always believed the birthday child should never win but went to a party recently where the parents made sure the birthday boy won. I was inwardly shocked.......I'd thought they were such nice people before that 😂 then wondered if this was the new thing. Glad to hear it's not!

Witchend · 08/09/2019 09:02

Dd once won because I did it randomly without looking and mistimed how long it took to go round.
I was suitably mortified, but dd helped by giving it without prompting to her best friend.

We always had sweets in each layer growing up, so not a recent thing.
I've done stickers too, which not only did the children love, but it made it very easy to see who's had a turn.

One too I found is make sure the sweet takes some time to eat, a lollipop or packet of mini smarties.
Otherwise the one who got the first layer and irritated you by shouting "I've got sweets, and you haven't" will be irritating you by the fourth layer when they burst into tears and say they haven't had a turn for ages!

Coldilox · 08/09/2019 09:04

Making ire everyone has a layer to open is easier said than done if not everybody RSVPs 😡 The other week at DS’ party we didn’t have enough layers, so everybody who didn’t have a go got to pick a sweet out of a bag at the end. And DS didn’t win the main prize.

Uniformuniformuniform · 08/09/2019 09:04

Always the best behaved/sad / shyest child wins in our house. Helps them to come out of their shell a little bit. Everyone gets a lolly or celebration equivalent sweet in their layer

SconeofDestiny · 08/09/2019 09:05

Don't leave it to chance, for goodness sake. Always keep an eye on the parcel as it gets passed around and ensure everyone gets a prize. As another has said, if there's a shy child, maybe let them have the main prize.

I'm hardly a snowflake as I'm in my fifties (such childish name callingHmm).
My parents never allowed me to invite friends home so I can understand why the party invites dropped off sharpishly. I only went to 2 birthday parties as a child and never won a prize and I did feel a bit left out growing up as I didn't have siblings to play with either.

I loved the parties we did for DS when he was younger. My DH made a simple Pirate figure out of hardboard with a cut out for the head for chucking wet sponges at. We used this for about 3 years and it was very popular with the children. Also, they love a good Piñata tied to a tree at that age, but need help to make sure they don't bash each other with the stick.

I hope the party is lots of fun for everyone.

caroloro · 08/09/2019 09:06

I do it so that every child gets a layer prize, and then properly do the last layer blind so it's completely random.

Saucery · 08/09/2019 09:08

@pinkrocker yes, that happened to me. Won it fair and square, was told to pass to next child along. Kicked off, refused, was sent upstairs and missed the rest of my party, only allowed back downstairs to apologise to guests and play Sleeping Lions.

NOT THAT I’LL REMEMBER THAT LIFE LESSON FOR EVER OR ANYTHING!! Angry

pinkrocker · 08/09/2019 09:16

I'm pleased that it didn't only happen to me GrinGrin

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