Pass the parcel etiquette

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It's my dd's 4th birthday party tomorrow and I'm just getting pass the parcel ready. I always thought that the birthday boy/girl won the final present, but went to a party recently and this wasn't the case. AIBU if dd wins the prize? There is something small in each layer so all children will get something. I'm not precious about her getting it, she will receive plenty of presents after all, just wondering what the normal etiquette is?!

No! Birthday child has plenty of presents, you should make sure they don’t win pass the parcel! Everyone gets to open a layer and get a sweet, then any child except birthday child wins.

It never crossed my mind that the birthday boy or girl was supposed to win. I wish it had though, because my daughter had her first ever tantrum at her 4th birthday party when she didn't bag the big prize. Took me right by surprise that did lol.

The only time I've seen the birthday child win was where the parent bought an expensive present so rigged it. It was horrible to watch. Especially as the birthday child already had a heap of presents.
The other little ones were quite disappointed.
But I've always done a simple present - colouring pens, bubbles, bag of sweets and then it's a random selection for who wins.
I did make sure each child got a prize, which sometimes needs extra adults to prompt.

No! The birthday child gets enough presents. I don't like the idea that every child gets something either. Fair enough each child getting a layer but I was at a kids' party recently and there were the same number of games as kids so every child was the eventual winner of one game each.

I always did tiny individual parcels (bubbles, bouncy ball, etc), enough for each child, in a bucket or box. Kids all stand up to pass it around. When they've had a turn, they sit down. Easy to monitor who's had a turn and everyone gets an equal prize. Sorted!

When the winner opens the prize, it’s a quick on to the next game. Don’t linger on the prize. Be sure to scoop up and move on. Then you won’t get any whining.

Thanks everyone, good job I asked! I haven't done a party for her before, before anyone is horrified that this is what I'd usually do. Great idea on the different wrapping paper for the final layer. What would I do without collective mn wisdom

The birthday child shouldn’t win the prize.

I saw it happen once by complete fluke and parent was completely mortified.

Gordon Bennett, doesn't the birthday child have enough already? Of course you don't let her/him win. Don't contrive it to ensure any particular person wins.

I hope you all have a good time; it's really excellent to read of someone who is hosting a traditional child's party. So many seem to go to extremes, taking them to expensive places, hiring halls etc. Ott in my opinion. Yours sounds fine, well done.

I always do if the music stops you push back from the circle. Each 'out' child get a prize from a bucket. Then you know each person gets a prize as they all end up out. Last child not out wins the main prize. I've never rigged it to see who would win that.

Ahhh I'm so embarrassed for the parents who bought an expensive gift and rigged it for their child to win cringe to the max

Friends of ours rigged it so the birthday boy won. It was cringe worthy to watch. The couple in question are very grabby but it still took me by surprise that they did this. Birthday child should never win the prize.

It's a good idea to use different colours for alternate layers to help prevent kids ripping through too many.
We still had actual newspapers when DD was small, I used alternate layers of a normal paper and the FT.

You could also pass a ball or bean bag then when the music stops that child chooses a small sweet/ prize then they are out until only one child is left and wins the main prize, saves time on wrapping.

Oops snap Lyra

I've seen both. Bday child getting the main one and a random kid getting it. Didn't care either way and neither did DD.

Top tip - do the layers in alternate paper so they don’t go two in one go, then the central gift in another colour - also, if more than 8 kids, have 2 parcels going round, or it takes FOREVER

Make sure there's an "ordinary" layer for every child, and fix it so they all open one layer. Then make a big thing of not looking for the last music stop "because you've all had a treat now, so this last one could be anyone!" Then stop it at random. That's always worked for me.

There's only one child who mustn't get it! And that's the birthday child!

I love a sensible mumsnet thread. OP asks a question about a subject she is honestly clueless about. Mumsnet is unanimous. Op gracefully and thankfully accepts the wisdom imparted and escapes the school gate gossip her error would have caused. It gives you a warm, happy glow inside 😊

When we played pass the parcel as kids, my mum had the rule that when the music stopped you had to give the parcel back to the previous child. Meant no-one wanted to hang on to it for too long and it kept the game moving. Probably better for slightly older kids though than little ones.

Every child should get a layer (parties are not the time or the place to learn that 'life's not fair'), then the final layer should be at Random. I close my eyes and stop the music.

As it's your first party, I'll pass on my top tip - play Sleeping Lions just before the birthday tea to calm them down.

Some great ideas here, I should have asked on here before I started all my planning! Now I just hope that it stays dry so they can play outside and don't totally trash my house

Oh and when the bday child won it was one of the presents bought for her by the parents so it wasn't an extra. Just a present she would've got anyways.