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AIBU?

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Original poster

Youtuber exploiting his severely autistic daughter - please help

245 replies

username108 · 07/09/2019 12:31

There is a channel on youtube called FatheringAutism, which is based in the USA. The Dad has a severely autistic teenage daughter and he films her daily life- including distressing meltdowns. As an autistic person, it is really upsetting to see him exploit his daughter. He is making a fortune and has just bought a huge house with a pool etc. He apparently quit his job a few years ago to do this youtube thing full time as he obviously saw that it would earn him a fortune.

What concerns me is that a lot of his supporters are vulnerable people who send him money via paetreon and all these other platforms. A lot of autistic people have commented about how they don't like what he is doing and he basically tells them their opinions aren't relevant (despite claiming to raise autism awareness!).

So, I need your help. They have just been nominated for an award called the WEGO health awards. I have just tweeted the CEO of the WEGO health awards and expressed my thoughts, and I'm wondering if anyone else will do the same? I really don't want this guy (Fatheringautism) to be given a platform for autism advocacy when he continually exploits people who are vulnerable, including his poor daughter. You can tweet or email the CEO - his name is Jack Barrette.

OP posts:

Underhisi · 07/09/2019 13:48

If no one had ever said in public that they had to change their teenager on a pissy toilet floor nothing would have ever changed in that respect.

x2boys · 07/09/2019 13:48

Again I haven't seen it but in what way are they discussing her toilet neeeds, ?.I'm current!y trying to toilet train my nine yr old ( severe autism) if I see something about an older disabled child being toilet trained I might think.it's useful as might other parents .

RosalieDene · 07/09/2019 13:51

Of course, the visit from Social Services was caused by someone who had seen the videos calling them and reporting them. Was this you OP?

I have watched a lot of their videos and they seem to sincerely and totally love her. I think they are terrified that their income stream from YouTube will end and they won't be able to support her for the rest of her life, so they're making as much money as they can now.

ImNotYourGranny · 07/09/2019 13:56

As an autistic adult with 2 autistic children, I don't think the issue is that this family are making money off documenting their daughter's life in this way. The issue is the complete lack of funding and support for families touched by autism. If they were supported properly and were confident that their daughter would be looked after properly once they've gone, they wouldn't need to do this.

Aprillygirl · 07/09/2019 13:57

I have just had a look at a couple of their vids and Abbie seems happy, which is the main thing surely. Also I think it's great that Dad can now afford to give up work because it means he can devote more time to his daughter and help mum to get her out and about for more enriching experiences. As for them spending the money on a big house and pool, well does that not benefit Abbie also, not only now but also in the future when she will inherit. All this plus the fact that it offers comfort and help for other parent of autistic children, and insight for those of us less aware mortals can only be a good thing surely?

Sagradafamiliar · 07/09/2019 13:57

It's a sign of the times that people even ask if any child^^ who is filmed and unable to consent is being exploited. Absolute madness. Just awful the world we live in.

Ilikethisone · 07/09/2019 14:00

Can I also say, being visited by social services does not mean they are doing anything wrong.

Some people are maliciously accused by an anonymous report. Some people are that nasty.

Some people ask them to come and help.

Sometimes things have been misunderstood.

Using a baby gate is not the same as locking someone in their room against their will.

I am uncomfortable with people plastering kids all over YouTube. However, I dont understand how what is being done here is any worse than any other family that does it.

I also think that just because some people with autism dont agree with it, it does not mean it should stop.

Just like if someone is vlogging about living with cancer, if some people with cancer didnt like it, or felt that person was using the cancer to their advantage to make money, that wouldnt mean it has to stop the person doing it

I woildnt vlog about my sons autisim. Firstly I just domt have time. Secondly, I am very private and dont think I can help others. However, if I was given the opportunity to make a load of money that meant I could be at home with ds more, I cant say I would instantly dismiss it.

Kokeshi123 · 07/09/2019 14:01

I can imagine that this kind of thing can come across as exploitative. However, I suspect that some of the pushback against this family is coming from the "neurotribe" types...? Some of the people in this particular movement seem to get angry about any kind of publicity which allows severe or low-functioning autism to be visible in any way. It's like they have decided that the acceptable public "face" of autism is exclusively about quirky people who are good at maths or whatever. Of course that is one side of autism, but severely disabled people are also part of the autism spectrum.

Haffiana · 07/09/2019 14:03

Why don't you contact them personally with your concerns instead of posting in an incredibly public forum which simply creates more clicks?

I don't trust your motives.

Underhisi · 07/09/2019 14:04

Although as I said before I am not keen on situations where every aspect of a child's life is put on social media, I also dislike the idea that everything to do with 'severe autism' should be hidden away generally because people feel uncomfortable talking about and being around difference.

PenguinPop · 07/09/2019 14:08

Would those of you who support this man, like to have a family member take all of your most personal, vulnerable and worst moments and share them on the internet to make money off you?

If I was Abbie and didn't feel embarrassed when screaming and having a meltdown in public, I honestly wouldn't care if my parents followed me around with a camera either tbh. I think we are applying emotions that do not exist in this scenario because our brains are all wired differently.

IF I could feel embarrassment and had my brain wired as I do now, but couldn't control it, I would actually probably feel more remorse that I had destroyed any chance of my family ever having a normal life. I would feel mortified that my family gets stared at because of my behaviour. I would want people to understand my condition and be willing to befriend my family so they weren't isolated. I would also want my family to make as much money as possible to have some sort of silver lining to the shit hand we were dealt. I wouldn't want my family to work horrible jobs, despair and have their mental health reduced to nothing because of the daily labour I put them through.

Sagradafamiliar · 07/09/2019 14:10

Just searched him on the YouTube. The first video that came up was inappropriate to say the least. The world is full of sick people, we see the amount of trolls who post on here looking for stories on certain...topics. This child is identified. She is not safeguarded. She is exploited. It's not ok just because she doesn't understand. It's worse because she doesn't understand.

PenguinPop · 07/09/2019 14:32

Sagradafamiliar

Exploited is defined as "to make full use of".

So they are making full use of their daughter's condition, why is that wrong? They are educating others and bringing attention to something that in the past would have probably meant she was committed to a mental institution and never looked after. Do you want to condemn this family for wanting people to know that they exist?

Peanutbutterforever · 07/09/2019 15:00

OP you seem a bit over invested in this.

Billballbaggins · 07/09/2019 15:03

Anyone filming their children and putting them on the internet for financial gain is exploiting them. And it’s wrong on every level.

Notnownotneverever · 07/09/2019 15:09

Would you feel ok about it if it was a successful TV series? Like a channel 4 documentary? What do you think about the Planet Child documentaries on BBC 1? The Robert Winston Child of our Time documentaries following children until they are 20?

emmaluvseeyore · 07/09/2019 15:35

I subscribe to this channel and I’m also an ABA teacher at a school in the UK. Abbie is loved by everyone in her life and not in danger at all. Their recent visit from the US equivalent of Social Services was because someone reported them. The visit lasted 10 minutes and they could see she was not in danger at all.

They have never shown a full meltdown to respect her privacy. They sometimes show parts of them to help educate others on how they help her when she is having a meltdown.

They have never spoken about her periods. They did a toilet training video where she was sat on the toilet but she was fully clothed. It was to show the routine that they have been teaching her through ABA to help develop her independence. This, again, is to help educate others and valuable to others trying to toilet train their older children.

Abbie is never forced to do anything on camera. She is often provided with prompting to help her do things. This may include physical prompting but doesn’t involve force. I do this in my job on a daily basis to help with learning. If my pupils offer resistance, I don’t force them. I may move their hand to the tap to help them wash their hands, as you would to help a toddler learn to wash their hands.

Yes, you can argue that she is being exploited for financial gain, but it’s not illegal. They did recently buy a house, but it isn’t that big in US standards, and they specifically bought it as it has the facilities for Abbie to live there for the rest of her life. It has an annexe where carers can live.

I urge people to watch their videos before judging this family. You might actually learn something about severe ASD.

Spikeyball · 07/09/2019 15:58

"The issue is the complete lack of funding and support for families touched by autism. If they were supported properly and were confident that their daughter would be looked after properly once they've gone, they wouldn't need to do this."

I agree.
The condemnation should be for most of society not giving a shit about the quality of life of adults with severe autism and/or a learning disability.

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 07/09/2019 16:00

I also don’t agree with you..

LadyGodiva83 · 07/09/2019 16:18

Many don't like this because it makes them uncomfortable. So fucking what. The reality of these types if conditions are so censored. You don't have to live it. Caring for a giant toddler who will only get harder and harder to care for.

They need money because if they die she has no one. Do you even know what it's like to know that you can't die or your child will have no one?

The reality of severe autism is so far past uncomfortable I hope you never have to deal with it.

adaline · 07/09/2019 16:19

And it’s wrong on every level.

Why is it wrong to show the reality of daily life for parents who have children with severe disabilities?

I think it's vital that this information is out there - if only to make other parents feel less alone and isolated.

Thanks to YouTube, this man can afford to quit his job so his daughter has both parents as full-time carers. It means they can afford a nice house with a pool which will benefit Abbie when they die. It means they can pay for therapy and professional care when necessary.

I imagine their lives (and Abbie's life) would be a hundred times harder without it. Autism is still extremely misunderstood and the more exposure and understanding it gets, the better.

toiletseat · 07/09/2019 16:21

I will add the caveat that I haven’t watched the videos, because from what I’ve heard of this channel from other autistic people, I don’t particularly want to. If she can’t give her consent to be used as a teaching tool/money maker she be used as one. It’s not her job. Someone’s perceived or actual lack of embarrassment should not be used as justification for violating their privacy/dignity.

rgguider · 07/09/2019 16:21

No. They dont abuse their daughter. They are informing you and making people aware of autism. And that is their goal. This post has made me so annoyed. I love their channel. Abbey isn't in half the video either she is at school, with carers or choose not to be and the dad says that she is in her room as that is where she likes to be (it's changed a bit since their move). The parents along with doing the YouTube videos also work with universities, do videos for their sons school and help out at both schools. Asa gave up his work as he wasnt enjoying it and struggled with all his commitments, YouTube and seeing his children.
Abby also has pica which is why stuff is locked up
They bought the house as an investment and they live in Florida pretty much half the population has a pool
They help local communities they are always giving back
The videos are 20 minutes over some 1 or 2 days. Think you need to unsubscribe from their channel and hit the not interested videos button. I do agree about the payments but I say that about all the channels that people are paying it is up to the individual to decide what they want to spend their money on.

There are loads of videos made by austic people or about their family who have Austim

toiletseat · 07/09/2019 16:21

she shouldn’t* be used as one

Spikeyball · 07/09/2019 16:28

Have any of those criticising them having a pool ever tried taking a severely autistic teenager to a public pool?

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