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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour trouble

92 replies

Sickandtiredofthem · 07/09/2019 07:41

Ok I've I've NC for this and it's a long one sorry.

I live in a end terrace and I think I might have really screwed things up with my ndn. They have 5 DC (18,17,15,13 and 4 ) the 15 year old has mild adhd (might be relevant). They have always been loud, selfish and the mum is vile. However 14 months ago the mum (will call jane) found out that her mum (will call dg) had terminal cancer (she died last month).

I have put up with a hell of a lot of crap from them and said very little about it for years as Jane is impossible to deal with in part due to me reporting her to the dog wardens, as she wouldn't stop her rottweiler from coming into my back garden to poo, attacking my ddog, knocking my DC over and the last straw was when it bit me . She didn't see any problem with this as I "just needed to get over myself , it's just a dog and it likes my garden " . Just a little bit of background

Ok back to now .
For the last 14 months Jane has obviously spent a lot of time out helping dg with chemo ect and left all 5 dcs at home alone. The 18 year old (will call Kim) is left in charge, all reasonable so far. However Kim can't cope with her siblings. She screams at them and has fiscally attacked the younger 3. I did tell Jane about it and she has done nothing.
Also Kim has parties all summer and every weekend with lots of loud drunk teens till 3 or 4 am.
Last week I saw Kim slap the youngest so hard across her face that she now has a bruise in the shape of a hand on her face. I called ss.
SS have now removed the younger 3 DC and the police have arrested both Kim and Jane but have bailed them. Since then I've had nothing but abuse and threats from them to the point that I'm scared to go home. I've been accosted in the street by there friends and family saying how despicable I am for calling ss when I know that there grieving.

So was I unreasonable for reporting to ss and should I contact the police about the threats or should I have left it alone and should I now not report the threats?

Sorry for the length

OP posts:
IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod · 07/09/2019 07:44

I think you should contact the police now about the abuse
Do they own their home

notapizzaeater · 07/09/2019 07:48

I'd report the abuse tbh. You did the right thing.

Fralla · 07/09/2019 07:49

YANBU but that would be too much drama for me to cope with. Can you move?

Goodlookingcreature · 07/09/2019 07:49

You’re not being unreasonable. I’ve been grieving, and have never beaten up another child. It would be different if you just reported Kim for being left in charge, but she’s assaulting them and SS wouldn’t have taken the kids into care unless they found the children’s safety to be at immediate risk. I would contact the police and report the harrassment and intimidation

Neolara · 07/09/2019 07:51

I too think you should tell the police. If Ss removed the kids, you undoubtedly did the right thing reporting the incident. SS would not have done this unless they too had major concerns. Sorry you are now having to deal with such unpleasant consequences.

Original poster
Sickandtiredofthem · 07/09/2019 07:52

No they rent from the council same as me.
I'm just so torn I know that there grieving and Kim is only 18 if they prosecuted her this is going to wreck her life. But I couldn't ignore it

OP posts:
IggyAce · 07/09/2019 07:54

You did the right thing, chances are they were already on SS radar and you reporting the slap and the bruise was enough to get an order to remove the younger ones.
I would report them to the police for the abuse you are receiving, do they rent or own their home?

Cantthinkofanythingrightnow · 07/09/2019 07:57

You did the write thing. Their investigation will have brought up a lot worse than what you witnessed for them to take the kids.

Call the police about their abuse and report to 101 every single time. Also report it to social services. It forms a picture for them, if they still dont think they are in the wrong it is very difficult for SS to work with them.

Cantthinkofanythingrightnow · 07/09/2019 07:57

*right!

Shinysun · 07/09/2019 07:58

100% report to the police. I agree with pp that they were probably already known to social work. Also contact housing to let them know of the abuse you're getting.

Armadillostoes · 07/09/2019 07:58

OP-Being left with someone who screamed and physically attacked them to the point of being bruised would have wrecked the younger sibling's life. The grieving part is irrelevant. There is zero excuse for neglecting and abusing a child.

Shinysun · 07/09/2019 08:00

OP just wanted to add that I suspect there will have been other issues such as poor home conditions for 3 children to be accommodated.

Jesse70 · 07/09/2019 08:00

U did the right thing ! Although Kim should never of been left in that situation there are plenty of young mums who do not physically abuse their kids because they can't handle them.
Your neighborhood sounds awful I agree you should move
If you went to the council you could probably be moved quickly especially if u are scared to go home
It's absolutely rediculous that people behave like this and have no respect for people/belonging's etc
I think the council is your best bet u can keep going to the police but if they have their friends also joining I'm with bullying you I think having them move would not help
Do u really want to live in that neighborhood?

Livelovebehappy · 07/09/2019 08:01

Absolutely did the right thing. I’m surprised you’ve put up with this drama for so long tbh. Can you move? If so I would be out of there. Report their behaviour to the police too as you’re in a dangerous situation - who knows what the friends and family might do to you.

Jesse70 · 07/09/2019 08:02

Also if you are in a council house can u not put your house up for a swap? Maybe would be quicker

Goodlookingcreature · 07/09/2019 08:04

We have all been 18 and it’s no excuse for abusing children. By the sounds of her family, their lives would be pretty wrecked already.

Cheeserton · 07/09/2019 08:04

Tell Police and council now about the abuse/harassment. Every time it happens. Without exception.

You definitely did the right thing.

Original poster
Sickandtiredofthem · 07/09/2019 08:04

Thanks all I guess I already knew I'd have to report it I just don't want to cause more trouble than necessary

OP posts:
SaveKevin · 07/09/2019 08:04

You absolutely did the right thing. Report the abuse to the police.
I’m another who thinks your call was the final line between many many dots. They won’t have removed for one slap someone said they saw.
Get on to the police, it’s easier to blame the messenger than realise it’s their behaviour at fault.

combatbarbie · 07/09/2019 08:07

Kim may be only 18 but to slap a 4yr old in the face and leave a bruise is disgusting..... Grieving or not, there is absolutely no excuse and if she ends up with a record then that's her problem!

You absolutely did the right thing, every time they threaten log it with 101 and raise a complaint with the council.

When the dog bit you did you report it to the police? I've grown up with rotties and all have been softys so even if it had been a lab I'd be asking the same question.

Original poster
Sickandtiredofthem · 07/09/2019 08:12

Just to answer a few questions
I've been on the waiting list to move for 3 years and on the swap list for the same time. However everyone who is interested in my house refuses the swap as soon as they meet Jane.
I have already spoken to the council about everything unfortunately they said it won't give me any more points I feel trapped as I can't afford private rent

OP posts:
Notthebradybunch · 07/09/2019 08:19

You also need to report the abuse to the council, they are breaching their tenancy by causing harassment and intimidation to you! Make a log of everything they do or say to you. You did the right thing!

tempester28 · 07/09/2019 08:21

I suspect they wouldn't have removed the kids solely on the strength of this one slap and your report. They must have found further problems.

StinkyHouse85 · 07/09/2019 08:22

You 100% did the right thing. The young child needs protecting and that comes above any need for adults to grieve.

Report the further abuse to the police and the council.

DoctorAllcome · 07/09/2019 08:23

The sad thing is that the 18yr old, Kim, will most probably have been hit by her mother, Jane as a child. She is only “parenting” in the way her mom parented her & expects her to treat the younger siblings. It may even be that if she does not hit her siblings, Jane will hit Kim for being too soft. This is a clear case of why domestic violence is a cycle. Children growing up abused, often abuse their own kids...or in this case younger siblings. Because that is all they know and because of the climate of fear they live in.
You did the right thing, police & social services intervening are only way that cycle can be broken. Even the 18yr old now has a chance to learn that how she was raised (by a physically abusive mom) is not how you discipline or treat any child. I know she is technically an adult, but typically the courts and as understand that teens raised in an abusive home can be rehabilitated and so will be looking to do that rather than punish her.
I’m sorry the neighbours are harassing you. If it’s intimidating, make sure to report it so that there is at least a record of things. If it builds up, you can then make a case to be able to move.