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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour trouble

92 replies

Sickandtiredofthem · 07/09/2019 07:41

Ok I've I've NC for this and it's a long one sorry.

I live in a end terrace and I think I might have really screwed things up with my ndn. They have 5 DC (18,17,15,13 and 4 ) the 15 year old has mild adhd (might be relevant). They have always been loud, selfish and the mum is vile. However 14 months ago the mum (will call jane) found out that her mum (will call dg) had terminal cancer (she died last month).

I have put up with a hell of a lot of crap from them and said very little about it for years as Jane is impossible to deal with in part due to me reporting her to the dog wardens, as she wouldn't stop her rottweiler from coming into my back garden to poo, attacking my ddog, knocking my DC over and the last straw was when it bit me . She didn't see any problem with this as I "just needed to get over myself , it's just a dog and it likes my garden " . Just a little bit of background

Ok back to now .
For the last 14 months Jane has obviously spent a lot of time out helping dg with chemo ect and left all 5 dcs at home alone. The 18 year old (will call Kim) is left in charge, all reasonable so far. However Kim can't cope with her siblings. She screams at them and has fiscally attacked the younger 3. I did tell Jane about it and she has done nothing.
Also Kim has parties all summer and every weekend with lots of loud drunk teens till 3 or 4 am.
Last week I saw Kim slap the youngest so hard across her face that she now has a bruise in the shape of a hand on her face. I called ss.
SS have now removed the younger 3 DC and the police have arrested both Kim and Jane but have bailed them. Since then I've had nothing but abuse and threats from them to the point that I'm scared to go home. I've been accosted in the street by there friends and family saying how despicable I am for calling ss when I know that there grieving.

So was I unreasonable for reporting to ss and should I contact the police about the threats or should I have left it alone and should I now not report the threats?

Sorry for the length

OP posts:
Pollywollydolly · 07/09/2019 11:15

Report the threats and abuse to the police and to your landlord. This is a tenancy breach and they need to deal with her.

HappyHammy · 07/09/2019 11:21

Good luck todayFlowers

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 11:25

Well done OP

it is not your fault that the kids have been taken. It is hers.

If she decides to take responsibility she will get them back, but you need to make sure that SS and professionals know what she is doing to you. Otherwise she may pull the wool over their eyes and get them back under false pretences.

You haven't done anything wrong.

They wouldn't have simply taken your word for it. They have seen more. If she is not coping then they will help her.

I feel for you. I think that you are in an impossible situation. All you can do is keep highlighting to all professionals. Also put up some cheap CCTV. I got these recently and they are great...

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B07CNJLBKN?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_image&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod · 07/09/2019 15:13

I've had experience of antisocial behaviour from HA tenants
It is a breach of their tenancy. You need to contact the council or HA and ask for one of their diary books. Record everything and contact the council or HA every time. They will ignore if you let them

Mlou32 · 07/09/2019 15:43

Look, 'Jane'is clearly scum. You need to keep a diary of every incident and report every incident to the police. I should think 'Jane' and her brood need evicted rather than you having to move. I don't know how it works but surely if you build up a case with evidence; harassment, antisocial behaviour etc then wouldn't eviction proceedings begin against her?

Cantthinkofanythingrightnow · 07/09/2019 19:30

How did it go OP?

PumpkinP · 07/09/2019 19:46

I would just move personally if you can, yes you shouldn’t have to but if they get evicted it could make it worse anyway and they know where you live. And to answer a pp no the council don’t force people to downsize if they are under occupying that’s why there is the bedroom tax and that only applies to people on benefits.

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother · 07/09/2019 19:53

You totally did the right thing, people turn a blind eye too often when it comes to this, well done, it was brave tooFlowers
Go to the police ASAP.

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother · 07/09/2019 19:57

I hope its gone OK with police

Aprillygirl · 07/09/2019 20:44

Well Kim's grief hasn't stopped her partying has it? For that alone SS's should have been called with a 4yr old in the house let alone with the physical attack on top, so you definitely did the right thing OP.
Don't let these people intimidate you for one second longer and report them to the police for the threats and report them to the council too. Good luck.

LochJessMonster · 07/09/2019 20:50

Who the hell are the 5 people that think the OP was U for reporting a 4 year old being slapped round the face hard enough to bruise!?!

Babysharkisanearworm · 07/09/2019 21:00

Not sure how violence and parties into the early hours should be an acceptable part of grieving? In their tenancy agreement there will be a clause re acceptable behaviour. They have broken this. You need to tell the HA (and the police) that you feel threatened by their tenant because of reporting an out of control animal, domestic violence and noise. They need to take responsibility for their tenants and either move them or move you, pronto.

Mamabear144 · 08/09/2019 07:14

Grieving is no excuse for this kind of behaviour, I have had 3 deaths of close family members since the end of December and wouldn't dream of taking my anger and frustration out on anyone. You did the right thing and should report anything else that happens, keep a diary with anything they or somebody connected to you says or does. Its harassment and honestly its ridiculous. We've all had crappy neighbours at some point but I think yours top a lot of them.

Butchyrestingface · 08/09/2019 07:18

How do they know it was you who reported them to SS, @Sickandtiredofthem?

Her0utdoors · 08/09/2019 07:37

You have been very brave and principled, I hope I would be able to do the same. It must be incredibly stressful and unpleasant for you at the moment Flowers

Original poster
Sickandtiredofthem · 08/09/2019 11:14

Hi all just a quick update (sorry it took so long).
Gave my statement to the police, that took a lot longer than expected. As pp guessed the whole family are well known to the police and their very concerned for our safety to the point that they arranged for us to be put in emergency housing until Monday when theres going to be a meeting with the police, council and I to get us permanently moved asap.
It's been a crappy week and an even crappyer weekend but after 3 years of living next to them I get to be free. I just wish that it took this to get it.
Thanks again for all your comments and support

OP posts:
Original poster
Sickandtiredofthem · 08/09/2019 11:15

That should be wish that it didn't take

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 08/09/2019 11:18

Glad to hear you’re hopefully moving, OP. It shouldn’t have come to this but at least it looks that you’ll be getting away from the chaos. Smile

katewhinesalot · 08/09/2019 11:23

Excellent news. It'll soon all be over.

Aprillygirl · 08/09/2019 11:37

That's great news OP. You're a brave lady and I hope you're very happy in your new home Flowers

cakeandchampagne · 08/09/2019 11:53

I’m so sorry you’ve had three years of this! I’m glad you will be in a new home soon.

mankyfourthtoe · 08/09/2019 11:58

I'm so glad they're taking you seriously and hoping it's a lovely home for you all.

tensmum1964 · 08/09/2019 12:26

Good luck and glad to hear that you are getting re housed. Maybe now the council well deal with your awful neighbours.

Canttasteanything · 08/09/2019 12:36

Really please they are taking it seriously now

JollyRocker · 08/09/2019 12:41

So happy you get to be free of them OP! And you definitely did the right thing, you witnessed child abuse and had to report it, think of that poor 4 year old and how much pain you might have saved that small child?well done you! The little ones need to be cared for properly not left with an 18 year old who cannot cope. Wishing you all the best for your new place!