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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour trouble

92 replies

Sickandtiredofthem · 07/09/2019 07:41

Ok I've I've NC for this and it's a long one sorry.

I live in a end terrace and I think I might have really screwed things up with my ndn. They have 5 DC (18,17,15,13 and 4 ) the 15 year old has mild adhd (might be relevant). They have always been loud, selfish and the mum is vile. However 14 months ago the mum (will call jane) found out that her mum (will call dg) had terminal cancer (she died last month).

I have put up with a hell of a lot of crap from them and said very little about it for years as Jane is impossible to deal with in part due to me reporting her to the dog wardens, as she wouldn't stop her rottweiler from coming into my back garden to poo, attacking my ddog, knocking my DC over and the last straw was when it bit me . She didn't see any problem with this as I "just needed to get over myself , it's just a dog and it likes my garden " . Just a little bit of background

Ok back to now .
For the last 14 months Jane has obviously spent a lot of time out helping dg with chemo ect and left all 5 dcs at home alone. The 18 year old (will call Kim) is left in charge, all reasonable so far. However Kim can't cope with her siblings. She screams at them and has fiscally attacked the younger 3. I did tell Jane about it and she has done nothing.
Also Kim has parties all summer and every weekend with lots of loud drunk teens till 3 or 4 am.
Last week I saw Kim slap the youngest so hard across her face that she now has a bruise in the shape of a hand on her face. I called ss.
SS have now removed the younger 3 DC and the police have arrested both Kim and Jane but have bailed them. Since then I've had nothing but abuse and threats from them to the point that I'm scared to go home. I've been accosted in the street by there friends and family saying how despicable I am for calling ss when I know that there grieving.

So was I unreasonable for reporting to ss and should I contact the police about the threats or should I have left it alone and should I now not report the threats?

Sorry for the length

OP posts:
Boysey45 · 07/09/2019 08:24

I'd report Jane and Kim to the Police and the council, the council have to give so many warnings before they start eviction proceedings. People have to sign up to a council house and part of this is behaving reasonably. If they harass neighbours and are anti social they can be kicked out.
My friends had loads of trouble with the neighbours being verbally abusive and harassing them because he was gay. They eventually were evicted.

StinkyHouse85 · 07/09/2019 08:25

I'd also suggest contacting your local CAB or even better a free legal clinic (www.lawworks.org.uk/legal-advice-individuals/find-legal-advice-clinic-near-you) to see if there's anything more you can get the council to do to move you and/or your neighbours. If they are making serious threats then they might have to do something.

Stapelberg · 07/09/2019 08:25

OP you want these aggressive people (or dog) near you or your kids. You are the law abiding citizen, you shouldn't have to move. They are the problem. I would phone the police and make it very clear that you and your kids feel victimised, scared or in a constant state of fear and alarm of these people. You have got a right to live safely in a neighbourhood where you can come and go without fear. Your kids will be too scared to play outside and that's just wrong!

fluffygal · 07/09/2019 08:33

Speak to your housing association and police, make them aware of the abuse, they should have an anti social neighbourhood worker to deal with this. Like others have said, they should be evicted if they continue to harrass you. You will have to get it on record to get housing to take it seriously.

Jesse70 · 07/09/2019 08:33

She shouldn't have to move but sometimes it is called for especially if they have friends in the area making her life difficult
Start afresh away from idiots like that
But don't let them away with it either and make sure you follow through with your complaints
I remember reading about a terrible neighbor that people had a petition down and everything to get them moved it did work but they were moved to a lovely area into a brand new house lol fuckers eh haha

Widgetsframe · 07/09/2019 08:44

How do they know that it was you that reported this?

IAmALazyArse · 07/09/2019 08:46

Report the abuse and threats to the police. And to the council with demand to be moved due to threats. Every time a threat happens do the same routine. Police and then email to council with demand to be moved, nature of the threat and police ref number if you get it. In each of them explain that it's not only your neighbours but also their friends there and so you need to be moved. Even if it's 7 emails a week.
Speak to CAB and shelter. Have a look at your local university because law schools often run free legal advice service.

Don't feel guilty. You did nothing wrong and you most likely saved the children.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/09/2019 08:54

I'm not familiar with council rules so forgive me if I've got this wrong but if 3 of the children have been removed doesn't that mean she will have too many bedrooms now? Surely they can move her, not you?

I understand you need a certain number of points for council accommodation but would they take into account other factors like harassment and threats from your neighbours? I think you should press this point, especially with the police now being involved.

I feel so sorry for you Thanks

GinNotGym19 · 07/09/2019 08:56

I think they must of already had social services interventions if the children were taken away that quickly.
I’d report this all to the police and complain to the council with the view of Jane and Kim being moved or you being moved

Original poster
Sickandtiredofthem · 07/09/2019 08:56

@Widgetsframe
Unfortunately Kim saw me when she slapped her dsis(it happened in the garden) and I guess they put 2 and 2 together.
I've called the police and have an appointment with them to give a statement this afternoon. Will call the council on Monday.
Thanks again for all your advice. I've got to get ready to take DC to swimming lessons will update after I speak to the police.

OP posts:
ColdAndSad · 07/09/2019 09:02

Report everything to the police. Report everything to the council. And stop worrying that you're the one causing trouble by doing this: they are the ones causing trouble by behaving in the ways that they are; you are just trying to make sure the children, and you, are safe.

I hope you get the help you need.

Pigflewpast · 07/09/2019 09:05

So pleased the police have acted so quickly. Is it worth you writing down everything to take it’s you this afternoon so you don’t forget anything?
As they are on bail I would hope the police have powers to stop this fast.
Good luck,

BlueJava · 07/09/2019 09:07

Well done on reporting them. I think the only thing you can do apart from what you're doing (seeing police and council) is to keep a log of what happens and the abuse you suffer and when. That's shocking, hope you get help soon.

NorbertHerbertGruntfuttock · 07/09/2019 09:11

I used to live in a council house and the people that had it after me were massive assholes. The lovely neighbours I had had since 1963 were being tormented. They wrote a letter every day to the council with the latest atrocity and I mean every single day. It took nine months but the council rehoused the awful family. The police and SS were involved there as well as the RSPCA. Keep up pressure. When you think you are overdoing it, lay it on thicker.

RandomMess · 07/09/2019 09:13

Yes report in writing every day every incidence to the council and police.

Paper letters are harder to ignore than letters unless they have some sort of on line "report a problem" computer system" on line, in which case put down each incidence separately multiple times a day...

You could the do a FOI request around what is happening with your complaints?

hoodathunkit · 07/09/2019 09:15

OP you are a heroine in my eyes

So very often people witness this kind of abuse but do nothing out of fear for their own safety. Hundreds of people have probably witnessed abuses and done nothing. A handful at most will have reported abuses and because of them, and because of you the family are known to the police and SS and the younger children will be protected.

I would consider moving if IIWY, especially if your neighbours have extended family in the area. The council and police may be able to help you with this.

You should not have to move but you need to be realistic about the likelyhood of revenge.

When you see the police and SS ask about how to best protect your family, who have already suffered more than enough

Have some flowers and my love

Flowers
Purplealienpuke · 07/09/2019 09:46

Good luck Sickandtired... I think you'll need it.
Getting these people, or you, moved, will be no easy task. It can take years, as a friend of mine discovered, much to the detriment of her families mental health!!
You did do the right thing reporting the slap, no child should be abused. Sadly this probably won't have been the first time and ss don't remove kids on one instance of violence usually. So you have saved these younger kids from years of awful abuse so hats off to you!
That said, it will not help your situation now.
Report EVERY SINGLE INCIDENT, to the police and the council. Even if its every day. You don't and shouldn't have to live in fear of returning to your home.
Please let us know how you get on with the police today 💐

katewhinesalot · 07/09/2019 09:48

Good luck today.

WillLokireturn · 07/09/2019 09:58

They are intimidating a witness. Report to police. They will probably issue bail conditions that state they are not allowed to directly or indirectly contact you. Report any NDN/friend that does that too. The police should tell CSD that they are harrassing and intimidating you.

WillLokireturn · 07/09/2019 10:02

www.cps.gov.uk/cps-page/witness-intimidation

Sleepymum45 · 07/09/2019 10:13

If its it's a council house, then surely the council can do something re the abuse, noise ect ?
They should be intervening and helping you .
Start a book write everything down that happens done to even glaring at you. Also include at the front why you are documenting things.

Really hope things get better for you Flowers

Remoteisland · 07/09/2019 10:20

Agree with PP. For SS to remove, I can guarantee you that what you saw will only have been the tip of the iceberg. Which means you absolutely did the right thing. And as for moving, yes, you need to keep reporting every single thing as it could well lead to the council evicting them. I have known this happen to a few people when they have behaved appallingly and neighbours have repeatedly reported. Good luck and well done for what you did.

Aridane · 07/09/2019 10:21

Well done you! - and spot on to go to the police and report their behaviour to the counc(hopefully they'll get evicted). But how can anyone think YWBU?

Neighbour trouble
Ayemama · 07/09/2019 10:59

You definitely did the right thing.
To ignore this abuse would have been awful and it's such a shame it's now causing you so much hassle.
I think the only thing to do is to report every single thing that happens now.
Get a log of all the abuse towards you and your family and try to use it to get the counsel to move you.
But next time one of their friends has a go about them grieving just ask them if they also beat children up when they are grieving.
It's really not a valid excuse at all.

Hidingtonothing · 07/09/2019 11:12

Just to say OP it's worth asking the council/HA about an emergency move. Our HA did exactly this when we were under threat at our last house, we were in the new place in just over a week from applying. It's worth checking out whether that would be an option for you, they don't always tell you when you're eligible for these things unless you ask and then you have to be prepared to push for it.