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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask people to pay for their own tickets?

105 replies

ScoobyBoo · 06/09/2019 15:45

Ds has his second birthday in a few months time and I was thinking a trip to sea life aquarium might be a nice idea, perhaps a picnic beforehand. Dh wants to invite his family. He thinks we should pay for all their tickets if we invite them, I think we should invite them but make it clear in the invitation they have to pay for their own tickets if they want to come. With DH's parents, step parents, siblings and their partners it's about 9 people not including us or any my family (which would just be my parents).
Is it cheeky to say to DH's family they are welcome to come, no pressure but they have to pay for their own tickets? What's the best way to word it? Do I provide picnic food for everyone?

OP posts:
HulksPurplePanties · 06/09/2019 17:26

Are you seriously going to waste money on an aquarium birthday for a 2 year old. PFB.

Juells · 06/09/2019 17:29

I wouldn't give them the option to tag along, I wouldn't mention the aquarium at all. Just the picnic. Who wants a load of relatives strealing after you round an aquarium? Hell.

lottiegarbanzo · 06/09/2019 17:36

First, decide with DH whether you actually want them at the aquarium with you. Then act accordingly. You don't have to tell them about that trip at all.

Just do a birthday tea, picnic etc for everyone.

If you want a hybrid option, soft play is good, because you only pay entry for children but as many adults as you like can join you, eat cake and drink coffee. The child gets to do something fun, the adults get to be 'present' and everyone's there for the cake ceremony.

Yappy12 · 06/09/2019 17:38

Buy him a goldfish OP and save a fortune.

Yappy12 · 06/09/2019 17:40

"Are you seriously going to waste money on an aquarium birthday for a 2 year old. PFB."

My first thought too. He's not really old enough to appreciate the fish there. Wait a few years.

Original poster
ScoobyBoo · 06/09/2019 17:48

Is it really a waste to take a 2 year old to aquarium? Thought they would like all the colours and lights etc?

lavenderbluedilly she would completely take over and probably pick the birthday cake and choose who to invite. I would have zero input

OP posts:
asprinklingofsugar · 06/09/2019 17:50

In that case, I'd maybe not bother inviting them to the aquarium. You could use some of the reasons given here eg too many people will mean your son finds it overwhelming and won't enjoy it. Hopefully by making it about the enjoyment of your son (the birthday boy), your DH will agree to stand firm against his family inviting themselves. Better yet don't mention it to them, and tell your DH the reason you aren't telling them, is because you don't want to disappoint them by refusing to let them join. And then invite them for a picnic or birthday cake afterwards. Maybe take some photos which you can share?

LittleAndOften · 06/09/2019 17:53

@scoobyboo I did try taking ds to such places when he was 2, I just found he didn't get much out of it, it was expensive and we left quite quickly. At 2 he wanted to play, hence softplay and swimming being a better option. But it detracts from the point about your relatives - just keep it simple and invite them to share food/cake afterwards or at another time. Good luck!

fedup21 · 06/09/2019 18:02

We are going for something lunch at X afterwards and will treat everyone who comes along to a bite to eat to celebrate.

Taking 9 people (plus you 3) put to dinner as well could cost a fortune!

she would completely take over and probably pick the birthday cake and choose who to invite. I would have zero input

So you don’t want them at the sealife centre, you don’t want them at your house and you don’t want to go to their house.

Where will you agree to see your child’s grandparents?

Settlersofcatan · 06/09/2019 18:04

My son loved the aquarium at 2 - I think it's a good choice for that age range

Bourbonbiccy · 06/09/2019 18:05

I'd just say something like 'we're doing this and you're more than welcome to join us, the tickets are X amount' just be straight about it because you dont want people to presume you're paying and then asking them to and it all being awkward

I completely agree with this.
Both our families love spending time with our son, and love to be involved marking his birthdays in which ever way we choose, just to be involved. So I think it will go down really easy with people and explain you absolutely won't be offended if people don't want to,

The aquarium is definitely age appropriate, it will be a lovely day and our son loved watching everything swimming around and all the different colours and things you don't really see in day to day life.

If financially possible, I would provide all the picnic, but if not, once people have confirmed, maybe say MIL bring dessert, SIL bring salad and so on. So everybody brings a little something for everyone. I suppose with that, only you knew how accommodating and easy going your family are.

I would also broach the subject sooner rather than later, so any anxiety about it is out of the way and you can just concentrate on being excited, for what sounds like, a really lovely day.

Derektheelf · 06/09/2019 18:10

My 2yr old loves the aquarium, we've done sea life and some own brand one on holiday. I would go with telling GPs you are taking DC to aquarium and they can come if they want. We so far haven't had any actual birthday parties and DC1 will be 3 soon. For 2yo birthday we went on holiday and had various family over for cake separately

myusernamewastakenbyme · 06/09/2019 18:14

Sea Life Centre is a rip off....I paid a fortune for my family to go in once...after an hour we were ready to leave...what a load of shit.

thecatsthecats · 06/09/2019 18:36

Agree with others that trip is ill suited for lots of people to join in. Best to do a day trip where he can focus on the fun, not involve a lot of extra adults for no good reason.

shas19 · 06/09/2019 18:38

The sun are doing an offer starting tomorrow 2 tickets for free just gotta collect 9 codes

Fivechatchacha · 06/09/2019 19:21

A friend did this and expected people to pay into a zoo (would have cost us about £60). I wouldn't expect her to pay for us but have a different type of party or birthday tea and just a family trip to the zoo. Nobody went so I guess other people felt the same. However, if it was family mine and dh's would probably insist on paying their own tickets even if we offered. Presumably they will buy a present? It's cheeky to ask to pay for tickets on top of this I think...

longestlurkerever · 06/09/2019 19:32

Just to mention my kids loved the aquarium at 2! It's still their first request for a day out but it's decidedly pricier now they are not free to enter. More manageable than the zoo at that age imo.

sweetpb · 06/09/2019 20:08

the sun are offering two free tickets if you collect tokens from tomrrow x you may be able to collect enough and book early enough to book a few on the same day.

I have been to birthdays for family childrent where we pay our own and our childrens entry, its how you word it,

we are taking ds to sealife for the day, you are welcome to come if you want to but we cant afford to pay for everyone.

i wouldnt be offended, if i wanted to go i would go if not or couldnt afford to i wouldnt x

i have been to at least 3 petting farm days out and paid for us as a family of 4 and other birthdays where children have been paid for but adults have to pay for themselves

Waveysnail · 06/09/2019 20:11

Just have a birthday tea at home and do the aquarium next day

AlansLeftMoob · 06/09/2019 20:26

I would just take him to the Aquarium yourselves and have people meet up with you for a picnic afterwards. Yes, you provide food and cake. As someone has already said, a group of people all trailing round after a toddler isn't much of a birthday celebration and not really a replacement for a party so I'd just do that part yourselves.

KarmaStar · 06/09/2019 21:45

Yabu for going to a sealife centre full stop.

MildThing · 06/09/2019 22:13

I think a 2 year old will enjoy the aquarium, but NOT if in a big entourage of adults. Do that as your special outing, just you, DH and child.

Then have a birthday cake and sandwiches elsewhere. Picnic, even MIL’s if your place isn’t big enough.

But do not tell MIL about the aquarium trip. Do not breathe a word to any relatives.

Original poster
ScoobyBoo · 07/09/2019 14:00

After asking dh why he wanted to invite his family he let slip that it was all mil's idea telling dh "I hope we are all invited and your not excluding us". This morning Sil has informed dh that her boyfriends kid has a birthday 2 weeks before our dc's so it can be a joint birthday thing. She has also just emailed a gift list for them with the cheapest item being 30 pounds! I'm now quite furious, I don't want my sons birthday taken over by another kids birthday and have to buy a 30 pounds gift for someone me or dh isn't related to. Also Sil expects us to pay for her tickets, her boyfriends and his two kids because its happening on my sons birthday. Dh doesn't seem to see the problem with this Angry

OP posts:
MildThing · 07/09/2019 14:09

MIL’s idea, MIL can pay!

I would do something else. Is there a children’s petting zoo or city farm near you?

MildThing · 07/09/2019 14:11

I.e do something else and not invite anyone else, or do something else that is free and invite them all. But not as a joint birthday.

Just tell your DH no.

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