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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask people to pay for their own tickets?

105 replies

ScoobyBoo · 06/09/2019 15:45

Ds has his second birthday in a few months time and I was thinking a trip to sea life aquarium might be a nice idea, perhaps a picnic beforehand. Dh wants to invite his family. He thinks we should pay for all their tickets if we invite them, I think we should invite them but make it clear in the invitation they have to pay for their own tickets if they want to come. With DH's parents, step parents, siblings and their partners it's about 9 people not including us or any my family (which would just be my parents).
Is it cheeky to say to DH's family they are welcome to come, no pressure but they have to pay for their own tickets? What's the best way to word it? Do I provide picnic food for everyone?

OP posts:
Serin · 06/09/2019 16:41

What ShivD said!

BertrandRussell · 06/09/2019 16:43

If it’s family, just say “We’re going to X for Y’s birthday and we’d love you to come too. I’m so sorry that we can’t buy everyone’s ticket, but a there will picnic and cake! Link to ticket here. See you at 10,00.

AvengerDanvers95 · 06/09/2019 16:44

DS loved Hunstanton Sea life at 2.1 (only in April gone past so I haven't rose tinted any memories). There are loads of 2 for 1 deals so don't pay full price for yourself.

TheRebelAlliance · 06/09/2019 16:45

At that age it is just another fish, by 3 he may be able to name some of the sea creatures

Kidssendingmenuts · 06/09/2019 16:45

Don't forget some cereal packets and also happy meal boxes have 2-1 on sea life centre entrance. Will save you a fortune!

TheRebelAlliance · 06/09/2019 16:46

Do they have fish st the local garden centre ? And a nice cafe?

Wilmalovescake · 06/09/2019 16:47

Madness.
Just take him you and your partner.
Arrange to see whoever you want for cake and presents another time.

paxillin · 06/09/2019 16:48

9 plus you, dh, your parents and ds in the Sea Life London? That's more than £450, you can get married for less!

BertrandRussell · 06/09/2019 16:48

So bizarre not even to give them the opportunity to buy their own tickets!

checkeredredshorts · 06/09/2019 16:49

As long as it's worded appropriately there should be no confusion.

Walking around an aquarium with family is not a party it's a day out.

I would just say in a text:

"We are going out for the day for Xs birthday if anybody wants to tag along you can buy tickets online for X price.
We are going for something lunch at X afterwards and will treat everyone who comes along to a bite to eat to celebrate. If you don't fancy it don't worry we will see you later that day or whenever suits"

It's not cheeky it's a lot of money to spend when it's not actually a party, and everyone could just pay for their own ticket.

NoNoNoOohmaybe · 06/09/2019 16:49

Mine loved the aquarium and even younger than 2. Yes it was similar to going to a sensory room etc but also I got to enjoy it.

Don't understand these people saying 2 is too young. Mine enjoyed the zoo and aquarium at that age.

ChicCroissant · 06/09/2019 16:50

I assume your own parents are not going, OP? Because you seem to be mentioning the size of your DH's family as a reason for them not coming to your home against 'just be my parents'? Not your DH's fault that his family outnumber yours.

Bellatrix14 · 06/09/2019 16:51

If I received an invite for this I would never assume that you would pay for my ticket! It’s a family outing more than an actual party as your son is so little, if people want to come then they can pay for themselves. It would be a nice gesture to provide the picnic if you can manage it though.

And I actually think an aquarium is a great place to take a toddler, lots of babies and young children I know love watching fish gliding around, plus it won’t matter if it rains!

Kiddofreddo80 · 06/09/2019 16:52

I wouldn’t bother with the Aquarium

stickerqueen · 06/09/2019 16:58

london aquarium is a busy place was too crowded when we went that it was not enjoyable hard to look at the fish. Was not worth the money we paid to get in.

Eli38 · 06/09/2019 17:05

Not at all U. Just tell them what you're doing and that they're welcome to join up with you at their cost. But you should pay for the picnic food, as that is the essence of a party.

Bloomburger · 06/09/2019 17:05

If it's a sea life aquarium I'm sure you can get 241 deals on happy meals.

Aprillygirl · 06/09/2019 17:06

Unless they are all interested in sea life I don't see what sort of enjoyment they'd have traipsing around their after you. In fact even if they have an interest you would all get in the way of each other so still not much fun for anyone, so definitely do not add to their pain by charging them. It's not an appropriate place for a family gathering, go on your own and invite the family for a tea party instead.

GetUpAgain · 06/09/2019 17:11

I feel so sorry for the fish and other creatures in aquariums, stuck in a tank instead of the massive oceans. So I wouldn't go to one if you paid me!

justgivemewine · 06/09/2019 17:12

Tbh traipsing around an aquarium with a 2 year old 9 of dhs family sounds like a nightmare. (especially if MIL is overbearing)

walking round an aquarium (with no interference from anyone else) with just ds and dh sounds like a lovely idea.

just dont tell them you are going or if they are desperate to be involved just invite them to a picnic/meal afterwards

Nonnymum · 06/09/2019 17:13

I agree with PPs tell them what you are planing and tell them they are welcome to join you if they want. Make clear you can't pay for their tickets, tell them you will take a picnic. If I was going I would then offer to take something towards the picnic.

lavenderbluedilly · 06/09/2019 17:19

Personally I would have a lovely day out to the aquarium with your immediate family, then have a birthday tea in your home for the wider family on a different day. I think this is best unless you are paying everyone’s entrance fee. I wouldn’t pay to attend this if it were one of DH’s family members tbh (my family wouldn’t ask guests to pay so it wouldn’t be an issue).

Would a picnic in a few months time be a good idea, with our good old British weather? Unless I’ve missed something and you live somewhere warm!

Wonkybanana · 06/09/2019 17:21

I suspect your DH has been brought up to appease/pander to his mum and hasn't learned to stand up for you and DS instead. Especially as you say There is a high chance DH's family will ask what we are doing for his birthday and invite themselves, especially mil and especially mil trying to take over special events.

Maybe this is the opportunity to have a conversation about how you and DS should be his priority now. He won't be able to change overnight, but maybe it'll be a first chip. And if money's tight, then you shouldn't be paying out that much. Are you strong enough to tell him that either they pay for themselves or they don't come? If you ask them to pay for their own tickets, there's always the chance that they'll say no they won't, it's your job to pay.

lavenderbluedilly · 06/09/2019 17:22

Also can't fit DH's entire family in our living room/ dining room area. Maximum we can sit is about 6 people

If MIL likes to take over, could you use the opportunity to let her host a birthday tea party at her house? It’ll keep her happy, plus you don’t end up clearing up after everyone!

Wonkybanana · 06/09/2019 17:25

Unless they are all interested in sea life I don't see what sort of enjoyment they'd have traipsing around their after you

It doesn't sound as though enjoyment comes into it. More a determination not to be 'left out' (in inverted commas because they're the sort - MiL particularly - who see it that way, they don't accept that sometimes it's OK for other people to do things without them).

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