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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask people to pay for their own tickets?

105 replies

ScoobyBoo · 06/09/2019 15:45

Ds has his second birthday in a few months time and I was thinking a trip to sea life aquarium might be a nice idea, perhaps a picnic beforehand. Dh wants to invite his family. He thinks we should pay for all their tickets if we invite them, I think we should invite them but make it clear in the invitation they have to pay for their own tickets if they want to come. With DH's parents, step parents, siblings and their partners it's about 9 people not including us or any my family (which would just be my parents).
Is it cheeky to say to DH's family they are welcome to come, no pressure but they have to pay for their own tickets? What's the best way to word it? Do I provide picnic food for everyone?

OP posts:
Chocolatemouse84 · 06/09/2019 16:11

Are your parents paying for themselves? If they aren't then it could get awkward if you ask other grandparents to pay.

I think it's fine inviting others and making a picnic and only paying for you, oh and ds. Just make it clear when you invite people that it's at such place, you'll pack a picnic and tickets are so much per person.

ProlificLurker · 06/09/2019 16:11

Could you afford to pay if you got a deal? There’s usually offers about somewhere, eg Groupon

Original poster
ScoobyBoo · 06/09/2019 16:12

There is a high chance that as soon as dh tells mil what we are doing she will push to invite herself and others. I assume in that case we definitely don't need to pay for tickets?

Also can't fit DH's entire family in our living room/ dining room area. Maximum we can sit is about 6 people

@TheRebelAlliance
It isn't age appropriate?

OP posts:
RedskyLastNight · 06/09/2019 16:14

Agree with others - word it as the picnic being the party bit, and they have the option of going to the aquarium as well.

I'd bear in mind though

  • most adults wouldn't choose to go there so may begrudge the cost
  • I'm not sure it's a practical outing with that many adults in tow - DC will get entirely overwhelmed by everyone trying to show him the "pretty fish"
happyasasandboy · 06/09/2019 16:14

I would plan it for you, DH and DS only. If people then ask to come then they're doing that on their own initiative, knowing what they're coming to and expecting to pay for themselves. If there's just a few then I'd include them in your picnic.

I think it's really odd to ask a large number of adults on a 2yr olds trip to sea life or similar. I'd be bored out of my brains at sea life without the DC to help/encourage/share things with, and you only have one DS to go around! You could find yourself with an overwhelmed 2 year old being pulled from exhibit to exhibit by adults expecting to "see" him because they've come to his birthday treat. A recipe for disaster if you ask me.

Keep the trip to the three of you, plus anyone else who asks to come once they know the plans. Larger gathering for tea and cake at home on the same/a different day.

LittleAndOften · 06/09/2019 16:14

Can you arrange to meet at a cafe afterwards and order a nice cake through them? They don't need to know about the aquarium.

ProlificLurker · 06/09/2019 16:15

Also I think some Cadbury’s packs have buy one ticket get another free offers on them. Might be worth looking into even if people are paying for themselves.

Original poster
ScoobyBoo · 06/09/2019 16:16

@Tableclothing and @ShivD
Thanks. That's a good way to word it. Would the zoo be better for a 2 year old instead of aquarium?

OP posts:
asprinklingofsugar · 06/09/2019 16:19

I think the key point here is that your DH wants to invite his family - it sounds like it's his idea, and you are going to go with or without them. Are you fussed about having lots of extra people come, or are content to just go with only the three of you? Was it supposed to be a party or just a special trip out to mark the occasion?

Also YANBU as long as you make it clear from that outset that they will be paying for their own tickets.

Original poster
ScoobyBoo · 06/09/2019 16:19

ProlificLurker thanks I'll have a look out for them

OP posts:
CheeryB · 06/09/2019 16:20

I'm a sahm so we are on one salary at the moment so would rather not have to spend over 200 pounds on tickets

So don't go to SeaWorld then. Sorted. If you want to take your 2 year old to SeaWorld just take him.

Ponoka7 · 06/09/2019 16:21

My DD was asked what she was doing for my Granddaughter's 2nd Birthday.

She said "I'm going to the zoo, people can come, but i can't afford to pay for anyone" and left it at that.

People were happy with that. We had the weather for the zoo.

The previous year someone picked the aquarium and we all paid for our own tickets.

Original poster
ScoobyBoo · 06/09/2019 16:22

asprinklingofsugar
Was just supposed to be a special trip out to mark the occasion. With hopefully less cooking and cleaning for me. Would prefer if DH's family didn't come because I have issues with boundaries with them, especially mil trying to take over special events

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 06/09/2019 16:23

She actually said, "people are welcome to join us, but i can't afford to pay for everyone".

scittlescatter · 06/09/2019 16:24

I'm not sure it's a good idea for a two year olds birthday either. It's expensive, and they wouldn't necessarily get that much out of it.

What about tea at home? That way there is no embarrassment over who is paying for tickets. I think if you are hosting an event, then you should do one where you can afford to host your guests.

Or hiring a church or community hall.

AryaStarkWolf · 06/09/2019 16:27

Would prefer if DH's family didn't come because I have issues with boundaries with them, especially mil trying to take over special events

Well don't invite them/tell them then. You need to stand your ground if they're too pushy, you will never get this time back with your son

Chamomileteaplease · 06/09/2019 16:28

Decide what you actually want and then go from there.

I agree that wandering around Seaworld with lots of boundary pushing relatives and one two year old sounds absolute hell.

Could you just go somewhere you three and meet for the picnic afterwards as PP have suggested. But adding on that your dh doesn't mention to his mother what you are going to do, keeps saying, oh we havent' decided yet. But invite people to a picnic or whatever it is that you want to do.

Get on the same page as your dh and go from there.

Juells · 06/09/2019 16:29

As a complete aside, the only time in my entire life that I ever had anything approaching a spiritual experience was in an aquarium, when watching rays.

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/09/2019 16:30

My experience of 2-year-olds is that they love the aquarium @ScoobyBoo. Lots of colour, movement and light. Having a big group may make it harder for him to enjoy it though.

Some small animal parks are great for little ones (Hamerton was excellent), some make it too hard for small children to see. If there is an animal attraction nearby could you ask people to meet you inside at 1 pm for a picnic then get there earlier to have an hour out two as a family before everyone else arrives?

Rachelover40 · 06/09/2019 16:34

Orchid said: I'd just say something like 'we're doing this and you're more than welcome to join us, the tickets are X amount'
.....

I think that is quite reasonable, they may be wanting to pay anyway as they know how expensive the tickets are.

Do provide plenty of picnic food though, that would be really nice.

Hope you all have a lovely time.

LittleAndOften · 06/09/2019 16:36

I found that zoos and theme parks were just too big for ds when he was 2.he also didn't have the focus for an aquarium, although he loves it now he's a bit older. At 2 he was happiest with a train ride, swimming or softplay, none of which are appealing to the GPs or other relatives. For the 2nd and 3rd birthdays we met them for a pub meal where they paid for their own food and we brought a cake.

Think about what your dc really likes doing, and do that. Everyone else can fit around you, if they wish. It's not about their needs.

steff13 · 06/09/2019 16:37

I don't know about your aquarium, but at my local aquarium, a lot of the exhibits are kind of high up for a little kid to be able to see. So you'd have to lift him up for a lot of it. It's also pretty dark through most of it, and the sharks might be a little scary; there's a corridor where they swim over your head. There was also this alligator called Mighty Mike who was 14' long and weighted 800 lbs. and he was a little scary, too. He's been relocated to Arizona now though. They have some stuff for little kids, but I don't think as a whole it's as accesible as the zoo is. But of course your aquarium might be different.

steff13 · 06/09/2019 16:39

As a complete aside, the only time in my entire life that I ever had anything approaching a spiritual experience was in an aquarium, when watching rays.

At our aquarium you can pet them, and I could do it all day.

bobstersmum · 06/09/2019 16:40

There are 2 for 1 tickets for sea life with carex hand-wash at the moment.

TheKitchenWitch · 06/09/2019 16:41

As pp have suggested, just take your ds to the aquarium on your own (although I agree it's not really appropriate or worth it for a 2yo) and instead do a picnic in local park or similar for his actual birthday, inviting family along, sorted.