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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't neglect?

131 replies

KadieFae · 06/09/2019 14:46

Popped to the shop leaving baby downstairs. DP upstairs listening out. Not asleep or dead or anything. Baby in playpen. Playing quietly. I was gone less than a minute (shop is essentially next door)

Sounds fine right?

My DM has phoned the SS on me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Belfield · 06/09/2019 15:15

This doesn't add up. Is your DP a drug/alcohol addict? Is there any reason your DM would deem him being in the house as not sufficient.

formerbabe · 06/09/2019 15:15

I'm sure social services are more than used to malicious, time wasters.

She sounds insane

YobaOljazUwaque · 06/09/2019 15:15

p.s. how on earth are there 3 people on the planet who think OP is being unreasonable? Are these mistakes of clicking the wrong button? I can't see any replies on the thread condemning OP for her neglect.

brookelopez · 06/09/2019 15:15

she sounds awful

AMidsummersNightsNightmare · 06/09/2019 15:16

I’d go NC! She sounds batshit

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/09/2019 15:16

I'd message her once telling her she's cut out of all your lives and she's never to contact you or your children again.

maddiemookins16mum · 06/09/2019 15:16

How did it even come up in conversation.......anyway, it’s no different than popping out to get the washing in with your DP upstairs having a pee. YANBU.

Katinski · 06/09/2019 15:17

she sounds addled Grin Spot on!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 06/09/2019 15:19

I'd be phoning social services on your DH, she sounds deranged

ElizaDee · 06/09/2019 15:20

Report her to SS/her GP/Wherever else as having dementia.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/09/2019 15:21

i'm surprised no one has mentioned the 'd 'word

It's early yet . . . . Grin

Tonnerre · 06/09/2019 15:23

Tell her SS have phoned you due to their serious concerns about her rationality and mental capacity.

Tonnerre · 06/09/2019 15:25

how on earth are there 3 people on the planet who think OP is being unreasonable?

Probably people who missed that the baby's father was in the house. There are always a few who don't bother to read the opening post properly.

JaimeBronde · 06/09/2019 15:25

Your DM sounds like she could be ill as I hate to think that anyone could be that nasty for no apparent reason.
The only other explanation I can think that may be causing her actions/reactions is that your DM has previously lost a child (or as a child herself suffered the loss of a baby sibling) & so her behaviour is a direct result of this.
Has she always been like this?
Is baby her first grandchild & your DM's anxiety is turning her into a monster?

steff13 · 06/09/2019 15:28

I wouldn't tell her anything ever again. Do you think she's really called Social Services, or is she just saying that?

ColaFreezePop · 06/09/2019 15:33

Is there a family member or four you can contact about your worries for your mother's mental health?

After all she is exhibiting severe anxiety and paranoia when your child is being looked after safely by either one of his parents.

Maybe as a PP suggested you need to contact adult social services yourself.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 06/09/2019 15:33

OP, I'm about the same age as your Mum. Please be assured that this is not normal behaviour at all for folks in their early 40s. Many of us have very young children of our own.

pumkinspicetime · 06/09/2019 15:34

Social services are going to be totally bemused that they have been contacted because a mother left the house leaving her DP in charge of the baby.
Unless there is a massive backstory and he is a schedule 1 offender or something similar.

EmeraldShamrock · 06/09/2019 15:34

Very strange. Is there any reason for her to be concerned.
Did she tell SS your partner was at home at the time, has there been any serious incidents before? If not I'd be concerned about her MH wasting the professional's time.
It is a very odd thing to do.

LuckyAmy1986 · 06/09/2019 15:35

How did this even come up in conversation though?!

Gooseygoosey12345 · 06/09/2019 15:37

So literally less time than it would take you to go for a shower, or a poo! Ffs she's clearly insane, low contact sounds like a good idea

tillytrotter1 · 06/09/2019 15:45

wondering if she needed mental health support as her reaction is so abnormal.

Personally I wouldn't care that much about her, leave her to her own mindset.

ReanimatedSGB · 06/09/2019 15:46

It sounds like she's always been a drama llama and a meddler. SS are fairly used to people like this and just fob them off. But it might be best to go low-ish contact and not tell the silly cow anything in future.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 06/09/2019 15:51

For me, making a report to SS would cross a line and there would be no more relationship between us. I wouldn't care why she did it, I just couldn't ever take the risk again.

Someone made a malicious report about me twice (same person) and although nothing was proven because nothing had actually happened, I haven't felt completely at ease since. The SW was quite clear that in her opinion, one report may be malicious but 2 is proof in itself that something is going on. It was a horrendous experience and I doubt I will ever completely recover from it. I will always be looking over my shoulder and I am always conscious that somewhere, there is a file with my name on it. Because of this, I think that anyone making a report which they know to be false is a cunt of the very lowest kind and they deserve nothing but contempt.

OP, I hope you get a fair social worker and this is dealt with quickly and painlessly. I think you need to completely cut your mother out of your life, to be honest and make sure that she does not have access to any information about you or your family. She obviously either has no sense, or she just hates you and wants to prove that she was a far better mother than you. Either way, cut her out.

daisypond · 06/09/2019 15:53

Insane.
Someone on this thread did say they wouldn’t leave an awake baby in a different room and floor to an adult.