To be annoyed that in-laws won't spell dd name correctly.

[emzeexb]

Okay, my DD name is Sarah. It's on her birth certificate " Sarah
But my mother in law and sister in laws refuse to type it like this and put it like "saara" Always. When I asked why, they said "this is the correct way, it's the Arabic way, you spelt it like the English and we won't use that".

Am I being unreasonable to be so annoyed and I don't even know what to do? Because I can't force them.. I guess I just have to wait for my actual Sarah to correct them one day. I'm hoping for a "Granny why do you spell my name wrong" situation one day.

At first I thought meh does it really matter in the great scheme in things. But reading again, her reasoning for the misspelling does come across as rather xenophobic. I wonder how it would go down if you insisted on converting their Arabic names into the English version for the same reasons she gave?

But Sara and Sarah are not the same name? It’s like calling a Mary Miriam instead.

Something similar happened to me as a child (but more extreme). My grandparents renamed me and forced everyone to call me by the name they picked (apparently the name my parents picked wasn’t Islamic enough). Needless to say it didn’t stick.

@BogglesGoggles It’s not Sara that they call her, it’s Saara, which they presumably pronounce like Sarah not Sara. Although the Arabic “Sarah’s” I know are called “Saira”. I agree they are different names but the OPs family aren’t pronouncing it Sara.

THis would annoy me, I’m like a bull in a china shop so Dh would step in and sort this situation out and if he didn’t then grandma wouldn’t be getting called The name she wanted, shed be granny. You are in Britain after all.

I just find it very rude! I’m quite stubborn and would stop contact until she started respecting you and your dh’s name choice.

OP, her name is beautiful in both versions. I am sure the ILs are very annoying, but pick your battles. If you have another DC, you could take revenge by choosing a name that has no Arabic equivalent ;)

Our half-Brazilian grandson is called Rafael. We all live in the UK so we and his dad and all his English friends pronounce it with an 'R'. His Brazilian relatives use a sort of 'H' sound so it sounds 'foreign' .

Until I read this thread, I did not think there was anything odd about this.

I still don't.

Yanbu.

You and your husband decided TOGETHER to name and spell it as Sarah. It’s particularly lazy and rude to spell it a different way because someone wants to spell it a way that makes them feel better.

I’ve seen Sarah spelled different ways but I would always put the way the person has spelled it because they know how their name is spelled. This could become an issue later in life if she is ever given any type of important paperwork from them and they spell her name incorrectly.

Saara and Sarah sound quite different but look the same written in Arabic. Depending on the region, letters sound different.
The transliteration of Joan and June would be the same but would be pronounced Goon in some arab regions.
There's DD2 named for you.

I think your ILs should write Sarah's name as Sarah or in Arabic, and unless they struggle, to pronounce it as Sarah. Writing her name as Saara is disrespectful.

If OP was called Paula, it would be a bit shit if they called her Bawlah (baw as in take a bow, not bow and arrow) .
Not sure if pronouncing Layla as Lila is as bad, but writing it as Laila would.

Feel free to correct my scant arabic knowledge.

@ShadyLady53 autocorrect. Still not the same name.

Sorry, I meant write Paula's name as Bawla. If they could only pronounce Paula as Bawla that's different.
OP is not AFAIK called Paula - i chose a name that doesn't transliterate.

@emzeexb
when you translate from Arabic (or Urdu which uses the same/similar writing form) the way names are spelt in English are -shall we say -fluid?

Ah, is that why there are so many different spelling options for Mohammad? (just randomly picking one spelling. )

Yes. Gaddafi was another one that was spelt differently.

We had this with PIL.
Name spelled incorrectly on birthday card, despite having had the name for 10years.

We pointed it out, only to be told that that is how you spell it (I.e. we were wrong). Erm..... regardless of how you would normally spell it it’s what’s on the birth certificate( and tbh is actually correct anyway)

Thought no more of it, to have them 2 weeks later point out that they’d done some research and this spelling is because x and that spelling is because y...... I don’t care..... it’s what’s on the birth certificate.... so we are right even if you don’t like it

Sod Teta or Mama - she's be called grandma forever more by me and my DD.

I would spell their names incorrectly every time and call then nan and granddad. This isn't a sweet cultural difference (we have a few variant names in our family too), it's doing what you don't want to make a point.

@pictish my thoughts exactly, I think if I just don't acknowledge it and don't make a deal of it then that's in my best interest because if I start arguing, then it's like "I am arguing against the wannabe matriarch" if you understand me? I'm giving them importance.

Where as if I just ignore it and it ever comes up? I'll be like "why would I be annoyed that you can't spell lol, didn't want to be rude to keep correcting you, as you are getting elder" looool

This wouldn't bother at all.

My in-laws family spell and say my kids names in a way that comes from their language. I don't care and the kids certainly don't care.

@BogglesGoggles @ShadyLady53 "But Sara and Sarah are not the same name? It’s like calling a Mary Miriam instead."

"presumably pronounce like Sarah not Sara"

I don't understand your posts. Sara and Sarah are pronounced exactly the same. They are one and the same. It is only the spelling that differs. Like Rebecca/Rebeccah/Rebecka/Rebekka or Taylor/Taylah.

They all the same name, pronounced exactly the same, just variations of spelling.

As for the OP, those who say it's no big deal are missing the point. It is about the disrespect shown to the mother and to the daughter. It signifies hostility, xenophobia, bigotry and disrespect. I would probably tell them they cannot see their granddaughter/niece until they learn to write her name correctly. See if they change their attitude then. There is no excuse for their rudeness and disrespect, and the mother (and Sarah herself) should not appease nor put up with it.

Sorry @BogglesGoggles , I missed your autocorrect followup.

I don't understand your posts. Sara and Sarah are pronounced exactly the same.

Where I am from Sarah is pronounced to rhyme with air and hair.

Sara is pronounced Sahra to rhyme with the names Zara and Tara with a long ahhh sound opposed to an air sound. Two of my Spanish friends are called Sara but it’s pronounced more like Sada.

I know a lot of Americans pronounce Sara and Sarah the same but this isn’t the case at all in any of the three cultures I belong to.

Sara and Sarah are pronounced completely differently! Sara rhymes with Lara, while Sarah rhymes with... err... Bearer. It know it's not a name but work with me here

I'm related to an Arabic Sarah - her Arab family call her Sara, her European rellies call her Sarah. She gives not one shit it's annoying that they're doing it but otherwise I wouldn't give it too much headspace...

@ContessaLovesTheSunshine I agree with you, from my experience as I’ve never met a Sara that pronounced their name like Sarah but I’m guess @SaraNade is a Sara pronounced Sarah, hence the post.

YANBU... but I wouldn't let it bother me. Your DD will grow up knowlng how to spell her name, it's what is on her birth certificate. I'd just let it go because they aren't going to change.

My in-laws don't pronounce my name correctly. My parents don't pronounce my DH'a correctly. My mum has never learnt how to write my cat's name (English name).
My baby will have a name that my mother will never learn to write by heart.
It doesn't bother me at all, they do their best in their own mother tongues. They don't have the skills to pronounce or write or learn how to do it the correct way.

@SaraNade I’m the same as shady Sara pronounced as written. Sarah pronounces Sera.