To be annoyed that in-laws won't spell dd name correctly.

[emzeexb]

Okay, my DD name is Sarah. It's on her birth certificate " Sarah
But my mother in law and sister in laws refuse to type it like this and put it like "saara" Always. When I asked why, they said "this is the correct way, it's the Arabic way, you spelt it like the English and we won't use that".

Am I being unreasonable to be so annoyed and I don't even know what to do? Because I can't force them.. I guess I just have to wait for my actual Sarah to correct them one day. I'm hoping for a "Granny why do you spell my name wrong" situation one day.

That's just ridiculous of them, because they're not spelling it in Arabic at all, they're spelling it wrong in English - سارة would be in Arabic.

That said, I would try to ignore them. They're clearly being silly, but at perhaps also uneasy about the fact that she will have much stronger connections to her English heritage than to her Arab heritage, and are trying to compensate for that. Just ignore and if need be mispronounce their names every now and then for effect 😆

I think it's very rude. Parents decide on their child's name. It isn't up for discussion.

Continue with mis spelling of SIL's children and also try and figure out the grandparent name that will irritate your MIL most and refer to her that way, with a big PA smile.

Perhaps people on here might have suggestions 👍

Frankly, I wouldn't get wound up about this. Perhaps their attitude, which sounds a bit stark, but having lived in various countries, my name has taken many guises over the years and it honestly didn't really matter that much. I agree with PPs that it's quite nice for her to have a sense of her cultural roots. I don't really get why you need to control this that much. She's part of their family too. As long as they don't expect you to change what you call her.

They won't stop in light of the explanation given. You'll have to let it go and try not to let it annoy you.

I think had you known, it would have been better to give her a name they couldn't change.

What does your DH think about it?

My MIL used to swap an initial with DDs name... and call her it... something like her name being Jade...she called her Jada or Christine, and saying Christina and she wrote it in cards too. It's irritating.

I dunno. I always bought the MN line that this is very rude and irritating, but ... meh. We ended up naming DD an uncommon variant spelling of a name, and actually I find I don't give a toss.

My Spanish grandmother always spelt my name the Spanish way, my German grandfather spelt it the German way. I spelt it the English way. No one died and actually, I quite liked it as it made me feel more connected to their cultures.

You could always argue that there is no correct way to spell Arabic in the Roman alphabet... There is no standard transliteration from one to the other. The most commonly used system would transliterate it as SAra so tell them that they are spelling it wrongly in Arabic too!

I wonder if there is a little racism going on as Sarah is a transliteration of the Hebrew spelling.

Although I think they might be doing to to rile you, it might be quite nice for your DD to have an Arabic name as well as an English name. Perhaps you could compromise and let them use the Arabic spelling in Arabic script as long as they spell it the English way if they are writing in Roman script. It's total faff switching between the two in text messages and emails so they'll probably get bored pretty soon...

Good luck in the future OP.....

@ElizaPancakes She wants to be called mama. Their cultural name for grandma is Teta something like this, that's what dh uses for his grandmas.

She's just very difficult in general. I just keep refeeeing to her as teta, she isn't impressed as she managed to brainwash her daughters kids to call her mama.. as you can tell.. she isn't a childcare option for me anymore lol.

I think if they used the Arabic writing it wouldn't bother me, but I feel like they do it on purpose just to rebel loool!

But I suppose it could just be their "cutesy little thing" that dd will know from her dads side. I guess it isn't a big deal just irritating!

Honestly I think they are being a little racist

^ this

It's not quite the cross language thing but my parents chose to spell my name a perfectly acceptable way but not the most common way. Certain members of my family still ignore it to this day. I'm 40. I don't think highly of them. Whatever their grievances, it's not fair to take it our on the one person who had no choice in it and has to live with it.

I agree with this:
Do you use Arabic versions of granny and grandad?

Because I suggest you don’t

Has your DH raised this with them? It should really be his battle, they're his family.

Cross post - ok stop calling her teta and call her granny/nan/whatever.

If she asks why...it's the English version, just like she's changing things up!

My childhood friend Julia had Italian relatives who always spelt it Giulia. She had a couple of mates in school (not me) who spelt it Joolyer (how her family pronounced it). She didn't mind any of it, got more pissed off with people who spelt it or (worse) called her Julie.

Ignore them, let them do it their way.

Saara is just a random transliteration.

The Arabic name is what MikeUniformMike posted.

If you wanted to teach them a lesson you could have the name embroidered on her baby bag in Arabic script alongside 'Sarah'.

It would demonstrate to them that there are two official versions of this name and that their offering is neither fish nor fowl.

You would look as if you were fully respecting their language and culture while at the same time smacking them down.

My Grandmother called my dd "that child" until the day she died. It's not a particularly hard to pronounce name although it's more commonly used in mainland Europe than the UK. She just refused to try and I think it stemmed from annoyance that we named dd after dh's adored great aunt rather than her (based on comments she made).

People are weird.

Teta... Do they speak Levantine Arabic? The you can play them at their own game. The "proper" (like Queen's English) word for grandmother is jedda. But, you know, there is no correct way to transliterate it so it could be jida or jedah or jidah.. But, either way, it's "formal" Arabic, so it's more correct. And a bit cold - ie grandmother versus granny. Sitty is a kind of halfway house in Lebanese. More traditional and probably more appropriate for an older granny than teta. Just saying...

If it were me I would purposely spell their names differently

A agree with others, call her Nan, not teta or mamma or any name she's choosing for herself, and explain that that's the English word so 🤷 If she wants to give it out then give it back to her.

Actually, you could call her تيتي, which is probably best transliterated as teetee but as there are no transliteration rules, you could probably write it as titty...

I've never been able to understand how there can be an Arabic way of spelling things with latin letters, but this is not the first time I have come across that sort of thing.

YANBU. My in laws did this crap. My daughter Rose they called "Ruja" and pronounced it almost like Roger! Polishized it. I was tollerant of this till her baptism when all the gifts were inscribed with this ridiculous ugly name... I was so furious. I don't think we kept anything from that day, why would my kid want stuff with some random name on thst she doesn't identify with? Next child I deliberately picked a name with an X as they don't have an X in their languange. No good. They found a way to change his name to suit them. The third child as well. I got used to it over the years, but it still bugged me. I would put your foot down now if possible. It is so frustrating.

Oh that would wind the shit out of me - it's so disrespectful - I bet they don't do that with work colleagues or friends.

That said, I have one colleague from another site that calls me 'Clara' (not my name) because it's a diminuative of a translation of my name in his language - this I don't mind because he explained and asked if it was okay.

But to assume a spelling and name is wrong

flyingspaghettimonster

My eldest is called Evelyn and you would roll your eyes at the amount of tat we got with her name spelled wrong or a whole other name that the inlaws thought we should have chosen