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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy daughter hygiene products?

123 replies

Batcrazymum3 · 05/09/2019 13:50

Oldest DD is 10. We went shopping last week for a party she is going to and I took the mother daughter time to have a pit stop, discuss periods and girly issues to get her as prepared as I can ( I was 11 when mine started) we then went on to buy some pads for her and I also picked up things like face wash, moisture, deodorant and some body spays/perfume (cheap super drug numbers). She was really pleased and has been using them all and I think she’s feeling that little bit more gown up.

DH is not overly pleased. He thinks she’s too young for all this. He gets the pads and her being prepared but thinks everything else is too much. He had really REALLY bad skin through his teenage years and I had (and still do) have really good clear skin. He thinks think will irritate her skin and cause issues now rather than later.

I’ve noticed over the last 3-4 months that her hair is getting greasy after 1 day of not washing it so her body is changing, she has also started to develop and wears a AA Bra. Have I started too soon or is DH just grumpy about losing his “baby girl”?

OP posts:
Halo1234 · 05/09/2019 13:54

No. Go at her pace. She is happy to have them. It's different if u are talking her into wearing a bra. Having a grown up skin care regime. But if she wants to them I dont see why not. She is still young u might find that after a while she stops using them and I wouldnt encourage her to. But she is learning and will know how to look after her hygiene needs when she is older and does need too (ie deodorant and moisturizer etc). 10 is still young and she doesn't need to start yet. But no harm getting the ball rolling in she wants to. The pads are a great idea. Normalise periods from a young age what to lose?

IDrinkAndISewThings · 05/09/2019 13:54

No, you're not being unreasonable, I suspect your husband is freaking out a bit at his little girl growing up. You bought her hygiene products to help her feel clean and fresh, nothing to alter her appearance to make her look older eg makeup, short skirts etc. Having seen my sister in law fighting losing battles with her teen girls about good personal hygiene I think it's a good idea to have introduced these routines before they become essential!

Shitonthebloodything · 05/09/2019 13:55

He's being ridiculous. I started my period and was wearing bras by 10. It's just basic parenting that in year 5/6 you do the period talk and give help with personal hygiene. Would he rather you wait until she starts to smell?

Pardonwhat · 05/09/2019 13:57

Other than perfume it’s all basic hygiene products. Ok, she’s only 10 but it won’t kill her to have a head start especially with you having started to mature young.
My 5 year old has a child perfume. I think he’s being a bit silly to be honest and I think you’re probably right that he doesn’t want to lose his ‘baby’.

bluebluezoo · 05/09/2019 13:57

I can see his point. Pads and deodorant fine, but why all the rest? And why the focus on it being “grown up”?

He could be right using lots of products might irritate her young skin, and they aren’t really a necessity. I also think it’s a subliminal message as she is hitting those sensitive years that appearance matters.

I have two in their late teens and never bought anything beyond bog standard soap and deodorant. They buy anything else as and when they want. Their bodies, they choose what to put on it.

TixieLix · 05/09/2019 13:59

I think what you're doing is fine. You're buying her products that will help her look after her skin and keep it clean and healthy. The sprays are fine as long as she doesn't go overboard with them. If you were buying make up, that would be a different matter.

kryztinababy · 05/09/2019 13:59

Of course yanbu. Do you even have to ask?Hmm

Original poster
Batcrazymum3 · 05/09/2019 14:01

thank you all. I feel better now Smile

I will point out, no makeup. that's a step to far at this age. I wouldn’t push for her to use them, and your right, the novelty will probably wear off!

OP posts:
AmIThough · 05/09/2019 14:01

If he knows she could start her periods too surely he knows the other things that go along with puberty. YANBU.

dollydaydream114 · 05/09/2019 14:03

YANBU. If she’s getting oily hair and is starting to develop boobs then she probably does need to start using deodorant now anyway. I think 10-11 is absolutely the right age for this sort of thing; it’s all age appropriate and body sprays etc are just a bit of fun. Face wash and moisturiser are fine for her age, it’s just self-care and good to get her into a routine now before she gets to the teenage stage when skincare gets a bit trickier.

My mum was quite strict about me ‘not growing up too fast’ but she got me pads, skincare and deodorant at this age too. I’m glad she did because I started my periods when I was 11 and my skin got a lot oilier before then, so it was good to be prepared. I was also one of those kids who needed a bra at primary school, much to my chagrin.

Original poster
Batcrazymum3 · 05/09/2019 14:03

@kryztinababy Do you never have that moment mid way through an argument a discussion and think.... am I the one who is in the wrong here??

Well that was me today Blush Just thought I'd put it out there

OP posts:
Teacakeandalatte · 05/09/2019 14:05

Its so much better that she is approaching puberty with the attitude of feeling happy to be grown up. If she was sad about it and felt uncomfortable it would be a lot harder on her. Having some grown up skincare and scent that she likes is making it easier for her to accept the more difficult changes so that is a good thing.

dollydaydream114 · 05/09/2019 14:06

He could be right using lots of products might irritate her young skin

Washing her face with ordinary soap or shower gel is much more likely to irritate her skin than a gentle face wash and a light moisturiser.

kryztinababy · 05/09/2019 14:08

@Batcrazymum3 ummmmm no never.🤔

Zakana · 05/09/2019 14:15

I did all this for my daughter at 11 as well. Good skincare routine is always a good idea to get her into and with the gentle products, will not do her any harm at all, providing she doesn’t have any pre existing skin conditions. I also did the same with her hair products at that age.

BogglesGoggles · 05/09/2019 14:17

You are doing absolutely the right thing. My parents didn’t guide me at all and left me to figure out what I needed and ask for it. The result was yearsof terrible skin that I still haven’t fixed.

BoomyBooms · 05/09/2019 14:20

As someone who did have severe acne by 13, I disagree that special face washes and soaps/moisturisers are going to upset her skin or put an overdue emphasis on her appearance. If you buy sensitive skin products and teach her to use them only twice a day, it's just a more advanced way of washing her face and keeping clean. It will be a lot better than her not washing her face enough, if the hormones are starting to kick in! With her dad's genetics she might need to start learning about skincare a little before everyone else does.

Your DH comment reminds me of something my dad said in relation to all the 'special' products I started buying in my teens for my frizzy dry hair - he too thought I might be damaging my hair by conditioning etc too much! I put it down to a lack of knowledge.

stucknoue · 05/09/2019 14:23

Perfume and body spray isn't needed but basic deodorant, face scrub and sanitary items are basics not a choice really, he is just worried about his girl growing up

Micah · 05/09/2019 14:32

Washing her face with ordinary soap or shower gel is much more likely to irritate her skin than a gentle face wash and a light moisturiser

My mum started buying me washes and creams etc from about 12. For my “spots”- i suffered from no more than the very occasional blackhead.

I hated it. Made my skin sore, but i felt pressured into using it all as if I didn’t me bad skin would be my fault. Plus the implication that i needed to be spot free and looking nice.

As it happened all the creams made my skin much, much worse. Simple glycerine soap and a petroleum free moisturiser made an immense difference.

If her skin is fine at the moment why introduce chemicals and lotions to “improve” it?

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/09/2019 14:33

I always know I’m right in arguments. So does dh.

I started using facial cleaning stuff at 8, no acne till I was 17.

If she does inherit her dads acne please see a gp, I suffered till I did so. Annoyingly I’m the only one in the family.

HippyChickMama · 05/09/2019 14:33

YANBU. I started buying ds face wash, moisturiser and roll on at 10 after I noticed he was starting to get sweat patches under his arms. He's 12 now and also has body spray and aftershave spray despite showing no further signs of puberty. Reminding him to use said face wash and moisturiser is a different matter but I'd rather he gets into the routine of taking care of his hygiene and looking after his skin now instead of waiting until he gets spotty and smelly.

TheOrigFV45 · 05/09/2019 14:38

Of course the period and personal hygiene ie anti-perspirant stuff is fine, but other than that I would have followed her lead. She really doesn't need to be spraying cheap body spray on herself at age 10.

I've got a wry smile on my face thinking about how fecking shower-averse my 10 year old son is. He's no where near puberty so it's just grime, but honestly...he couldn't give a fig. Some of the girls in his class are young women.

gingersausage · 05/09/2019 14:39

It’s none of his business. I don’t understand why you even need to discuss it with him or seek his approval.

gingersausage · 05/09/2019 14:41

I’m actually grossed out by all the “he’s worried about his little girl growing up” attitudes. On what planet does a man get to dictate the speed a girl grows up?

Waveysnail · 05/09/2019 14:41

It's fine. My 6,8 and 10 year old boys all love using 'dads' showergel and spray (lynx). My eldest is getting couple of breakouts so brought him face wash.