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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy daughter hygiene products?

123 replies

Batcrazymum3 · 05/09/2019 13:50

Oldest DD is 10. We went shopping last week for a party she is going to and I took the mother daughter time to have a pit stop, discuss periods and girly issues to get her as prepared as I can ( I was 11 when mine started) we then went on to buy some pads for her and I also picked up things like face wash, moisture, deodorant and some body spays/perfume (cheap super drug numbers). She was really pleased and has been using them all and I think she’s feeling that little bit more gown up.

DH is not overly pleased. He thinks she’s too young for all this. He gets the pads and her being prepared but thinks everything else is too much. He had really REALLY bad skin through his teenage years and I had (and still do) have really good clear skin. He thinks think will irritate her skin and cause issues now rather than later.

I’ve noticed over the last 3-4 months that her hair is getting greasy after 1 day of not washing it so her body is changing, she has also started to develop and wears a AA Bra. Have I started too soon or is DH just grumpy about losing his “baby girl”?

OP posts:
CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 14:42

I'm a bit on the fence with this. Obviously some of it is basic necessities, but others seem to me to be buying into a particular mindset which I'm now going to articulate really badly Grin - so why does she need face wash? What's the matter with water and a face cloth (teaching her to buy products unnecessarily). Why does she need body sprays or perfume (teaching her that deodorant isn't enough to drown out her smell, again encouraging her to spend unnecessarily). Why does she needs a bra, what's the matter with a crop top or just nothing?

My feminist hackles feel a little raised. Not sure I agree with what your DH is actually saying, however, and yes, maybe he is struggling with her growing up.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 05/09/2019 14:46

My just-10-year-old needs to wear deodorant now or she smells bad. She has crop tops and I haven't bought bras or pads yet but probably will in the next year. She has moisturiser and body spray too.

bellinisurge · 05/09/2019 14:47

She needs to have the importance of bodily autonomy reinforced. Having stuff on hand for her to experiment with and use when necessary is a good idea.
Her periods could start and, rather than it be a big drama, she will already have an idea on managing them.
To be honest, if she's 10, they will have a nurse or similar come in to talk to the girls about periods anyway. My DD's school did.

Orangecake123 · 05/09/2019 14:52

OP you're doing the right thing.

Face wash and moisturizer if she wants to.

I grew up in an abusive home, I was 14 and my mother still didn't know to buy me deodorant. I used to steal sanitary towels from my aunt whenever I visited or just used tissue.

gingersausage · 05/09/2019 14:52

I think your “feminist hackles” need some retraining @CassianAndor. Feminists enjoy bodily autonomy, which includes using all sorts of products if they want to. Feminists don’t need men to be ok with what they put on their faces or how fast they are growing up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/09/2019 14:53

He is being really silly. My dd asked for face cream and body spray a could of years ago. I bought her things when asked but she doesn’t use them often yet. I also bought a stash of pads in case months ago. She is 11 now. If your dd goes on a school trip, the school will probably put deodorant as a necessity in the toiletry pack.

Dd isn’t wearing a bra yet through choice. She wears cropped tops on pe days. She refuses to use deodorant atm though and gets very angry if I mention she smells a little at the end of the day.

I’m trying to go at her pace this. I think dd is in a bit of denial about the changes she will soon be facing. It sounds as if you are doing the same with your dd.

Deathraystare · 05/09/2019 14:56

That's a classic. He just does not want his little girl to grow up!

SarahTancredi · 05/09/2019 14:58

Your husbands attitude is ridiculous. She needs what she needs and its vest to be prepared

I see his point about the face wash . Not because shes too young but because personal experience fir me was that all these spot creals and washes made my skin worse when I stopped using them and just used water my skin cleared up. So personally id not let her use them for that reason.

But I think what you have done is good. She now knows she can come to you to ask for them. It's no big deal. And she will have what she needs available. That's a really good thing.

CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 14:58

ginger we don't make choices in a vacuum, least of all young girls. Girls are bombarded with messages constantly telling them they're not good enough as they are in one way or another, and pressurising them into spending money correcting themselves.

reluctantbrit · 05/09/2019 14:59

DD was 9 when the need for deodorant and decent skincare regime became necessary. It depends on each child and a good habit can be a godsend later on. It can take a couple of attempts to find the right stuff though.

She was 8 when she asked for crop tops as she hated vests but wanted something under shirts and dresses.

Pads etc entered our house with 10 as well.

I am no fan of perfume or body spray but the odd spray won’t hurt anyone. I drew lines at school days.

DD had make up (proper, not Claire’) since she was 10 and with restrictions and guidance she learned not to look like a clown. The is the same girl running around mucking horse boxes out and camping with the Scouts.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 05/09/2019 15:01

I developed early but got to a C cup before I was allowed a bra because at 10 yo I was "too young" Hmm The lady at the bra fitting shop gave my parents what for.

Proseccoinamug · 05/09/2019 15:03

He’s being a nob.
My dd is 10, she’s been wearing deodorant for a couple of years and wears a crop top. She carries a pad or two in her bag.

She doesn’t use a face wash yet but my 12yo does, and has started to get spotty.

What the heck’s wrong with him? It’s hygiene. It’s not like you’re giving her nail extensions and sexy underwear!

Original poster
Batcrazymum3 · 05/09/2019 15:03

@gingersausage I quite like that my dh takes in interest in his daughter. Hes not saying she should never use these products, he was worries it was maybe too soon for her so get off your feminist horse. He has just as much a say in her life right now as I do!

I'll be the same when my little boy grows up and starts the same things. Its not an issue because she is a girl!

OP posts:
diddlesticks · 05/09/2019 15:03

I've just done the same for my almost 11 year old. I'd say it's the perfect age! My daughter also really likes it and feels more grown up! She's not interested in make up or jewellery etc, so these small things are quite nice.

berlinbabylon · 05/09/2019 15:04

11 year olds really don't need moisturiser - you don't need that until you are in your 20s. A gentle face wash (not a teen one, they are too harsh and probably actually cause spots) is ok and better than soap, as someone said.

And moisturiser for a teenage boy? Ha, I can just imagine my ds' face if I suggested that!

berlinbabylon · 05/09/2019 15:04

Elizabeth's Daughter is a good brand for young and older teens.

diddlesticks · 05/09/2019 15:04

I'll add that I've only got as far as deodorant, sanitary items and her own flannel so far, and I'm pleased she's not into make-up etc!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 05/09/2019 15:05

My dd started her periods at 11, and she started to get spots etc before then. I did the same as you, starting a good hygiene/cleansing routine can only be a good thing imo.

Proseccoinamug · 05/09/2019 15:05

By the age of 8 or 9 my two oldest stank if they didn’t wear deodorant. I wasn’t expecting it quite that young but better safe than smelly!

diddlesticks · 05/09/2019 15:06

In addition - please remember to buy aluminium free deodorant

Proseccoinamug · 05/09/2019 15:06

And moisturiser for a teenage boy? Ha, I can just imagine my ds' face if I suggested that!

My ds uses a balancing moisturiser!

Gardai · 05/09/2019 15:06

I don’t understand why every little thing has to be discussed with your OH/DP/DH when it comes to the (private) needs of a young girl growing up. My dad and subsequent males in my life didn’t know what I used and what minutiae of products was in my room as it was not their business.

CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 15:08

MyCat why? You do know it's her job to sell you something?

diddlesticks · 05/09/2019 15:09

@berlinbabylon That really depends on the child. We use moisturiser twice+ daily due to very dry skin and it's just standard, boys and girls.

HaileySherman · 05/09/2019 15:10

It's him who is being unreasonable. You're doing the right thing.