To buy daughter hygiene products?

[Batcrazymum3]

Oldest DD is 10. We went shopping last week for a party she is going to and I took the mother daughter time to have a pit stop, discuss periods and girly issues to get her as prepared as I can ( I was 11 when mine started) we then went on to buy some pads for her and I also picked up things like face wash, moisture, deodorant and some body spays/perfume (cheap super drug numbers). She was really pleased and has been using them all and I think she’s feeling that little bit more gown up.

DH is not overly pleased. He thinks she’s too young for all this. He gets the pads and her being prepared but thinks everything else is too much. He had really REALLY bad skin through his teenage years and I had (and still do) have really good clear skin. He thinks think will irritate her skin and cause issues now rather than later.

I’ve noticed over the last 3-4 months that her hair is getting greasy after 1 day of not washing it so her body is changing, she has also started to develop and wears a AA Bra. Have I started too soon or is DH just grumpy about losing his “baby girl”?

I am a very girly feminist and enjoy my perfume and face masks, thank you very much

OP, it sounds as if you saw "a window of opportunity" to bring this stuff up and used it really well. I had terrible acne as a teenager, as the only one ever in my family. Finding the right skin care ware pretty fundamental to managing it. Water + face cloth only breaks me out horribly, even today, as it is too much friction. The Asda tea tree face wash (foam version) is good and cheap, if you want a suggestion.

As a sidenote, if she does get acne, see a pharmacist before you see a GP. They usually have a much better idea of what works and why. There is some hardcore stuff for it out there which you only get with a prescription but anything in pill form comes with serious side effects and is usually reserved for cystic acne, which is not your standard teenage acne. The side effects are worse than that of the pill, which isn't exactly an m&m either - just mentioning it as this stuff is often prescribed before trying the "lighter" options.

Moisturiser isn't needed until your 20s? That's absolutely bonkers. I am getting my children into moisturising now and they're 7 and 5. They don't particularly enjoy putting cream on much but they have moisturising oil in their baths regularly and DS, who has a weird rash (can't remember the name of it) uses an exfoliator on his body once a week.

These are all just good habits to get your children into. Iike bathing/showering, hair washing or teeth brushing. I personally would probably try to resist things like body spray etc that are purely cosmetic, but I can't say I'd get too work dup about it.

And certainly, I started wearing deodorant aged about 10 when I hesitantly approached my mum because I was smelly and I didn't know what to do about it. she very matter of factly told me this was entirely normal, bought me some deodorant and we just carried on as usual. No big deal. no drama.

Since your DH has absolutely no lived experience as a girl or woman I’d just tell him to shut his cakehole on this one.

I’m with you apart from the perfume
/ body spray because synthetic scents often contain irritants, allergens and known carcinogens.

I think you did the right thing.

Bling wouldn't it make better sense to have fewer baths, if they are causing your DC to have dry skin?

@cassianAndor - you've clearly never met my kids. They are FILTHY at the end of the day . And frankly, their skin, especially DS's, gets very dry (but thankfully, no excema etc) very easily. Much like me frankly. When discussing DS' rash with the doctor her recommendation was a moisturising exfoliator and moisturiser, which help a lot.

I honestly don't see the problem with using products to help our skin, including the kids. I also use essential oils in their baths when they have little cuts and scrapes and in DD's case, to help manage her vulva vaginitis (discussed with paediatrician). So no, I don't think fewer baths is the answer.

I started my period at 10 thankfully my mum was very open about it and I knew where the pads were kept and how to dispose of them. We too went and got deodorant and moisturiser ( I remember it was the simple brand). My dad found it a little sad that they had started early but he too was approachable with regards to periods and would always give me a hot water bottle or buy me chips to cheer me up when I had cramps. It really is nice that you are normalising periods and that she can come and talk to you if and when she needs to.

To those who think the body sprays etc are too aggressive, remember that most deodorants contain aluminium, which is linked to breast cancer. I'd be careful to choose one without but if a 10-year old chooses one, I have a feeling scent might come before safety.

(Again, see above, I think OP did the right thing regardless)

Putting cream or moistuiser on your skin isn't skin "care" unless you actually need it. Your skin is designed to look after itself. Moisturiserimg now won't atop your child getting spots when they are older.

YANBU I'd expect her to start needing deodorant etc soon as her body develops. Best she is prepared. He just doesn't like his baby girl growing up but YANBU to prepare her.

Bling I suppose what I am seeing here is kids being turned into consumers because of puberty (not specifically in your instance, of course, and of course not with regard to essential like pads). And I question the validity of that, especially at a time when our consumption of stuff encased in plastic is a big issue (we put a bin specifically for recycling in our bathroom and my god, it can fill quickly, I was horrified and have switched from shower gel to soap).

It sounds to me like you got it spot on OP. By introducing pads, deodorant and skin cream at the same time you normalize it so child not scared. Your dh does not understand he has not had to have periods.

and specifically girls being turned into consumers of beauty products.

My dd is nearly 12, she's been using deodorant, face wash and moisturiser regularly for about 6 months now. Part of it was seeing me do it every day, and I got sick of my face wash being empty! I've also stocked up on sanpro and showed her how to use it, so she's not surprised or upset when the time comes.

She loves makeup and smelly shower stuff, always has, and it's never something I've actively encouraged, it's just what she likes. As a result, she is actually amazing at makeup...she practices, watches tutorials, does it with her friends, etc. She doesn't wear it to school, and is also happy to get grubby outside with her brother, so it's only a bit of fun, not a requirement for leaving the house.

I don’t know why you’re telling DH this stuff, it’s really none of his business.

I’d forgo the cheap body spray personally as I think it’s rank.

I can’t belueve how horrible some people are being about your DH! He’s not ridiculous at all. He’s allowed to think she’s too young for face wash, moisturiser perfume and spray stuff and given the issues he’s had, his concern is understandable. He agrees it’s good she’s prepared with pads etc- so to say he’s ‘just not ready for his little girl to grow up’ is both incorrect & patronising.

I agree with him - having pads on hand is good and it’s important she’s prepared for her period arriving but none of the other stuff is necessary or desirable until she actually needs it. And a lot of it really isn’t good for children’s skin.

I think you meant well, but that you’ve been overly enthusiastic in buying her ‘stuff’ that she doesn’t need and might not be good for her very young skin.

You're a lovely mum.

Your daughter wouldn't be using the products if she wasn't happy with them, she is approaching puberty and it's really nice for her to be taking an interest in hygiene etc.

Don't take any notice of your husband, he does't want his little girl to grow up too fast which is understandable - but there really isn't any need to discuss everything like that with him. It's your daughter's business (& yours if you're paying :-) ).

I was like her at ten, budding breasts, the odd spot and greasy hair. I would have loved a mother like you, mine was a pain. I bought my own bra at eleven. Didn't start periods until thirteen though.

For you - .

@TatianaLarina Seriously? I chat to my husband about all sorts of things, why not?

Having an interest in personal hygiene can’t be a bad thing surely 🤷🏼‍♀️ DS is 18 months old and won’t go to nursery without his ‘spray’ in the morning-holds his arms up and asks for his lynx (which we brought to save him hammering our deodorant & perfume/aftershave)

Does it mean we are rushing them to grow? No. Simply providing them with the tools and know how of what to use for when they need too-I’d rather that than have bullied kids for smelling etc.

Your DD is happy, and informed and wants to use these things. As far as I can see your just doing what every parent should be doing of a late primary child-preparing them for growing up

That sounds absolutely great. My mum didn't have anything in place or available. I still remember getting my first period and having to get her to come home in her lunch break and go together to buy those giant Dr whites pads at the corner shop, because that was all they had and my utter horror at being served by a teenaged boy.

I think it's good to have all these things ready. I probably needed a bra for a year before I got one and couldn't have that conversation with my mum, and also remember being mortifiedly embarrassed at starting my periods and having to ask for STs.

In spite of always being open about the facts of life and so on with her, DD1 was embarrassed to ask for some deodorant when she was 11/12 and eventually whispered it to me. I made sure she had some sanpro in her room, and when she did start her periods at 13, she was actually very casual about it, she told me on WhatsApp as an "Oh and by the way..." thing. I think DD2 will start a little sooner as she is much taller for her age.

@CassianAndor the plastic in cosmetics does freak me out. Iv'e also moved to soap bars rather than body washes. And am toying with trying shampoo bars - but again, me and DC hair is all so dry naturally (and DD's is curly too) I worry about maintenance. But it's on my list of things to look into.

A lot of creams and moisturisers can be bought in glass jars, but I suspect that's at the top end so probably not what your average 10 year old is using!

Also I think if puberty has started, it certainly isn't too early to learn about how to look after your skin. If I had a boy starting puberty I'd be doing the same. I notice that DD1's skin is far better for using gentle products suited to young skin from the age of 11 or so than mine was in my early teens.

I think your approach is sensible and it's a pity your DH doesn't think so too.
It would be embarrassing for your DD if she started her periods and didn't have any pads handy. When I started I was at home, so was able to use one of mums, but it wasn't ideal.
I don't have a daughter, but I started buying deodorant etc. for my son when he wasn't much older than your DD.
With regard to the bra, although I didn't want to wear one quite as soon as mum would have liked, my sister and niece both wanted to wear one as soon their friends got one!