To buy daughter hygiene products?

[Batcrazymum3]

Oldest DD is 10. We went shopping last week for a party she is going to and I took the mother daughter time to have a pit stop, discuss periods and girly issues to get her as prepared as I can ( I was 11 when mine started) we then went on to buy some pads for her and I also picked up things like face wash, moisture, deodorant and some body spays/perfume (cheap super drug numbers). She was really pleased and has been using them all and I think she’s feeling that little bit more gown up.

DH is not overly pleased. He thinks she’s too young for all this. He gets the pads and her being prepared but thinks everything else is too much. He had really REALLY bad skin through his teenage years and I had (and still do) have really good clear skin. He thinks think will irritate her skin and cause issues now rather than later.

I’ve noticed over the last 3-4 months that her hair is getting greasy after 1 day of not washing it so her body is changing, she has also started to develop and wears a AA Bra. Have I started too soon or is DH just grumpy about losing his “baby girl”?

If her skin is fine at the moment why introduce chemicals and lotions to “improve” it

It's this for me I'm afraid.

Then again, I don't do the cleanse, tone, moisturise bumpf. Never did, never had acne. Just a very mild shower gel in the shower every morning. It really doesn't take tons of product.

My daughter got her period at 10 years 10 months so you are extremely right to be prepared and she will want to feel clean and fresh and armed with sanitary products as soon as it happens

I suspect she will use the deodorant a little now as it’s a novelty but she probably won’t use it regularly until she becomes aware of her body becoming more sweaty.

As for facial cleansing and moisturising she’ll do what she feels comfortable enough doing. As long as you remind her that her skin doesn’t need scrubbed excessively and the products should be used as a treat now and again I don’t see any harm.

Hubby is overreacting

You were right to get the sanitary products in, but does a 10yr old really need body spray, moisturiser and facial washes which could well be too harsh for such young skin?

When l was young (early to mid teens) l had cystic acne. lt took years of antibiotics and god knows what else to clear it up. The only comment l got from my mother was "Well, you don't take after me. l've never had a spot in my life." She only ever used plain soap, and couldn't understand why l wanted deodorant and stuff that didn't make my skin even worse.
There's nothing wrong with encouraging young people to look after themselves. Why would you not want your child to be clean and feel nice? Of course a child that age doesn't need makeup etc, but what's the problem with a mild face wash? Plain water is useless when your oil glands are going berserk because of puberty.
l'd be inclined to get whatever you think she needs, and just not discuss it with him. Let her look after her skin and her body. l've looked after my skin since l was 13 (despite the acne!) and l'm told l have lovely skin now. And l'm 60.

I can't believe it's even an issue. At her age my friends and I were trying body sprays as we saw it in those girls magazines. It's deodorant and body spray, not a belly button piercing.

batcrazymom you sound like a lovely family and for what it’s worth I would discuss these things with my DH also, he may be a male but he is just as important to my Dd as I am, and she is very happy to tell him everything and anything, I wouldn’t want to impact that by being secretive.

I would just echo the thoughts of PP who mentioned more eco friendly, chemical free products. Boots do lovely botanical ranges that don’t break the bank.
There is also lovely toiletry products in Whole Foods, I would recommend Castile Soap. It’s not the cheapest but lasts a while and is much kinder to the skin!

These are my thoughts and I''ll be lazy and copy pps!

I can see his point. Pads and deodorant fine, but why all the rest? And why the focus on it being “grown up”?

He could be right using lots of products might irritate her young skin, and they aren’t really a necessity. I also think it’s a subliminal message as she is hitting those sensitive years that appearance matters.

If her skin is fine at the moment why introduce chemicals and lotions to “improve” it?

11 year olds really don't need moisturiser - you don't need that until you are in your 20s.

Deoderant and pads fine (though I suggest looking in to period pants and CSP... She has a whole life time ahead of periods so why introduce to disposables? But I don't see the need for face wash and body sprays. It's pointless, bad for skin and bad for the environment.

Also agree with the pps who said to make sure you're using aluminium-free deodorant - crystal deodorants are good in my opinion - otherwise that would be an awfully long time for her to be putting breast cancer-causing stuff on her pits if she starts at that age and carries on the same.

I'd be trying just a mild, unscented, organic soap (not going overboard and using loads of the stuff) for her before even thinking about facewashes. They seem to get people into a vicious cycle of needing to use them.

As an aside @BlingLoving - And am toying with trying shampoo bars - but again, me and DC hair is all so dry naturally (and DD's is curly too) I worry about maintenance. - my hair is curly and dry, I use a lush solid shampoo which works well (seems to dry it out less than shampoos in bottles too).

Body spray is a bit wank and unncessary for a ten year old. Deodorant is fine at that age if they need it and having pads 'just in case' is sensible.

I remember going on a residential trip with school at that age and most girls had roll on deodorant.

DD has known since age 11 that I have an emergency teen pack of ST in the wardrobe, along with the rest of my camping gear (as a Cub Scout leader, I just bring it with my kit, as it is a mixed troupe). She borrowed it when going on a residential with school in 6th class, as it was a requirement for all girls (some needed them by then, many didn't, but it was a blanket thing so they were all the same).

She's 13 now, and while she was using deodorant last year, she has only started to use facial washes (sensitive ones) in the past few months. But DH was bemused last night as a trip to Boots to buy hair bobbins turned into a restocking of facial items as well (so he was buying a witch-hazel spot wand and a bottle of cleanser). But it was only to me he said it, he just told her to put them on the counter and paid the bill (apparently - he was on school run last night).

Girls grow up. And the girls who have a chance to understand the process and know that these things are to be expected, and have the necessary bits already so don't need to panic, or feel they are things to be ashamed or worried about, are the ones who will (hopefully) just take it in their stride.

It was never talked about in our house growing up, and while I "manned up" to ask (D)M about it when it happened to me, a DSis was too scared to and just used toilet paper. So I have always been open with DD about it, and she's used to it as a fact of life and "NO BIG DEAL".

I'd be trying just a mild, unscented, organic soap (not going overboard and using loads of the stuff) for her before even thinking about facewashes. They seem to get people into a vicious cycle of needing to use them

I think the "vicious cycle" thing is a good point.

I have a dog. Dog occasionally rolls in something disgusting. Has a bath in dog shampoo, all good until next time.

At one point I ran out of dog shampoo. No problem, nip upstairs and use the human one- bog standard mid price brand, nothing special or harsh as used by kids, teens and adults.

Next day, the dog stank. Bathed again. Stank the next day, just greasy wet dog smell. After about a week I started to wonder why the dog had suddenly got so disgusting, and put it together with the shampoo. Went and bought more dog stuff, problem solved. no dog smell at all.

I know it's only an anecdote but did make me wonder if all these shower gels and washes and shampoo for this that and the other cover with smell temporarily rather than get properly clean. I definitely smell worse, more quickly if I use shower gel rather than plain soap.

Making women feel shit about themselves is a big money spinner. I think it a good life lesson to teach our girls this as early as possible.

I think it a good life lesson to teach our girls this as early as possible

I agree. However this should not be at the expense of the child. Refusing to by stuff they need on the basis of arbitrary age cut offs and refusal to "give in" to consumerism. If a girl needs a bra a girl needs a bra. No amount of questioning the motives of bra fitters will change that. Measure and make yourself if you have to. But too many people seem prepared to humiliate or deprive a child to prove a point.

Also agree with the pps who said to make sure you're using aluminium-free deodorant - crystal deodorants are good in my opinion - otherwise that would be an awfully long time for her to be putting breast cancer-causing stuff on her pits if she starts at that age and carries on the same.*

For. Fuck's. Sake.

There is NO proven link between deodorants containing aluminium and breast cancer. It's a myth.

Sarah oh yes, I completely agree. But again - many girls and indeed women don't need bras. We've just been conditioned to think that the female nipple is abhorrent and must be covered up at all costs. Just like we're conditioned to remove our body hair, or buy expensive products.

There are always threads on here from women who've finally ditched their bras and have found themselves far more comfortable than before. Years of buying bras under their belt, £100s spent, maybe even £1000s and actually, they don't need one. Or 10.

I'm not saying that a 10 year old should be at the forefront of this, but I think it's good for the adults around a 10 year old to just bear all this in mind. To analyse what's actually needed and what's imposed by society and marketing execs.

I'm probably articulating this really badly.

All the more reason to not shut down the discussion based on these biases then.

I'm.not saying you dont have a point to an extent I agree. But if you tell a 10 yr old no because she only wants one because society says her developing body needs covering up it could very well result in that child not feeling she could speak up again.

It would be far worse of she saved up for I'll fitting inappropriate bras in bus fare change than her mum takes her shopping buys a couple of starter bras and she just stops bothering to wear one...

I'm not saying you say no to a girl that asks for a bra. What I'm saying is that I wouldn't buy a bra for DD if she doesn't ask for one, merely because I thought she was the right age for a bra, and if she said "should I get a bra, mum, everyone else has one" I would ask if she wanted one and support her if she decided she didn't.

If she said "mum, I want a bra, I'm uncomfortable/self conscious", I would get her one, of course.

My daughter went on residential in April she's 9, I got her a nice wash bag, simple face wash, simple moisturiser, roll on sensitive deodorant, and a little purfume she liked (she often asked to use mine) as well as the normal toothpaste tooth brush flannel etc and had the talk with her as she's noticed her body shape changing and her step sisters (she's 10) I think it's perfectly reasonable to be thinking about these things I wish my mum would have done this when I was that age going into secondary school and hitting puberty without a clue was hard.

There is NO proven link between deodorants containing aluminium and breast cancer. It's a myth.

There’s no proven direct link but it’s not a myth. Direct proof with cancer is very hard to establish. Several studies worldwide have indicated there may be a link.

For example a study from Keele Uni found aluminium salts can get into breast tissue. And the salts are more concentrated in the areas of the breast where cancer develops.

A study from Reading Uni showed aluminium salts can behave like oestrogen in the body also found that parabens from deodorant has also been found in breast cancers.

Well known breast cancer specialist Professor Robert Thomas advises his patients to consider not to using deodorants.

Look up the low pop method for solving the greasy hair problem!

My DC both had the same yr 5 teacher - mother of 3 teenagers at that pint. She gave both of their classes the deodorant and personal hygiene talk as her classroom stank after PE. Hats off to her- it was really unpleasant when the kids came out after PE afternoon. Your DH needs to understand that his baby girl is growing up and needs to learn about her changing body in advance of the changes.

So if she's not brave enough to ask for a bra even if she really wants one, you'll just never bring it up with her because 'society'. Lovely.

You sound like a great mum. Imagine if she got her period and didn't have anything? Or her hair/body starts to smell and others in her class make fun of her... kids are going through puberty at a young age now. Good to be prepared. Good mummy-ing!!