Is this cheeky or sensible?

[Dumbosbumbo]

A school friend of mine and his wife had a baby a few months ago. They are very big advocates for environmentalism. They're also really well off (she's a lawyer and he's an engineer). This is just for context.

A couple of times since the baby was born, my friend has posted on Facebook asking for donations of specific second hand items for the baby. The most recent post asked for clothes, a stroller, a bouncy seat, a few educational toys, a play pen, a crib mattress and a high chair.

The reason they've given for the request is that they want to minimise waste by not getting the baby new things, and that's an aim I am totally on board with. And the request has been phrased very nicely, with an explanation of the principles behind it.

But part of me also feels it's cheeky because they can definitely afford to buy these things themselves (even if second hand), and because they've been so specific about what they want. I feel like there are other less well off parents out there who would benefit more from this stuff than them, and that while it's totally fine to accept donations of second hand baby items, posting a shopping list of what is wanted seems grabby.

AIBU? Is this just a sensible practical solution to mitigating the environmental impact of having a baby? Or is their behaviour a bit entitled? And given that I have some clothes in the sizes they want, should I post them to my friend or should I donate them to charity (which was my original plan before I saw the post).

TIA!

Buying second hand is a good idea.
Asking when you are in need and on a low income is good idea.
Asking for stuff for free when you have good incomes is Cheeky fucker territory. Especially when they are being specific about the items and not general, seems grabby to me in the name of enviromentalism, if they were so concerned about the planet, they should have never had a child.

It’s cheeky. They can just buy them 2nd hand. I have a similar acquaintance. She is an environmentalist and constantly asking for stuff on Facebook, but it’s to the point where it has nothing much to do with her activism. Things like ‘I really need to do a yoga class tonight can someone look after my kids’ and ‘I want a caravan but can’t afford one does anyone have one for free’. She owns two homes outright, one of which she rents out, she just doesn’t want to spend the money when she can try getting stuff for free. I think it’s part of an ethos where people just do nice favours for each other but IME they are rarely if ever reciprocated by the ones who are always asking.

This is very odd. Nobody is being compelled to give these people stuff for free. Don’t want to? Don’t do it. Personally, I would rather pass on some things- particularly big ones - than try to sell them. Other stuff I sell. Other people think differently. No big deal.

Post links to kids charity shops in the area and say "thought you might like this as it's second hand and it's brilliant to give to this particular charity too!" 😂
I get what they are doing but i think there is a slight element of cf-ery.

Asking for stuff for free I highly doubt they are phrasing it like that.

The OP says the request has been phrased very nicely, with an explanation of the principles behind it.

There is no obligation to give it to them.

There’s a Barnardos charity shop near me that’s exclusively baby items all in great condition, I’d send them a link to something like this.

I think asking if anyone has the items second hand (apart from the crib mattress - I'm sure SIDS advice is not to) is fine - but why should people give it them for free if they can get money for it elsewhere? They can afford to pay people for them.

We have a local fb sharing page (no selling allowed) and I have often seen requests for stuff I forgot was in an attic or cupboard and been happy to give it away to be used.
Charity shops can only sell stuff in very good condition but some stuff has life in it yet but not enough for selling.

People do this all the time on Freegle. Sometimes they put a little biography about saving the planet etc but in most instances you have no idea whether they are loaded or desperate. On some Freegle sites there are more requests than offers.
No one has to give them items if they don't want to.

“but why should people give it them for free if they can get money for it elsewhere? ”
If they don’t want to give it away they don’t have to. Obviously.

yeah the items still have value so they should be buying not requesting for free. But that goes for anyone not just those with loadsamoney. Even if you don't have a lot its only fair to the owner to offer to pay at least

I would just send them a link to the NCT nearly new sales or equivalents and any local Facebook groups or charity shops. No one is being forced to donate stuff to them, but they are being a bit cheeky asking.

And the people who donate

They should be offering to pay. If they did it’d be fine.

“They should be offering to pay. If they did it’d be fine.“

Why?

The cheeky bit is them asking for it for free.

If they were offering to pay for the second hand items, that’d be fine IMO.

I also think this would be fine if they offered to pay. It's environmentally friendly, and the 'shopping list' aspect just ensures that they get what they need and don't end up with something that doesn't work for them and gets abandoned anyway.

Instead what they are doing is 'politely' begging for free stuff and profiting from the kindess people possibly worse off than them who had to fork out for the goods.

eBay exists for a reason.

This is cheeky. There's loads of other ways to get decent quality 2nd hand stuff, as PPs have mentioned. They could advertise that they will make a sizeable donation in cash to a charity though; that would lessen some of the cheeky shittery. Preferably a baby/child type one.

Is cheeky. Second hand baby stuff is nothing new. It's always been done because the stuff is expensive and generally used for such a short period of time. It makes sense to sell it on and this is very common.

Asking for it "for free" is the only unusual thing they are doing here - and the only people it benefits are themselves.

There's no need for them to request these "donations" on fb; direct them to fb marketplace, there will be everything they need there.

Great that they're looking to reduce waste but if I was asking people for second-hand stuff (assuming I wasn't struggling for money) I'd say 'Has anyone got [whatever item] they'd be willing to sell to me?' rather than asking people to give me things for free. It's cheeky to ask for things for free that people would be able to make money by selling. I know lots of parents who ask if they can buy baby stuff or things like school uniform items off other parents whose kids have outgrown them. I'm sure in a lot of cases the other parent says 'Oh, don't worry about giving me money, you can have it for nothing' anyway, but it's certainly polite to at least make the offer of paying.

On the other hand, people don't have to give them anything and can easily ignore their posts if they want to. It would be different if they were directly messaging/texting individuals to ask for things, but if they're just posting a general Facebook appeal then you can just scroll past.

I don't really understand why this is cheeky. Are they forcing people to give things to them or are the merely asking?

What is wrong with asking? And how do we know that they are not doing something worthy with the money they save (although I don't really understand why that matters)?

People aren't obliged to give them the things for free though so I don't really see how it's cheeky. It'd be different if they were targeting people who they knew had these things and asking for them for free, but it doesn't sound like they're doing that?

I can't ever be bothered to put stuff on eBay. If someone wanted the exact thing I was trying to get rid of and was willing to come and get it, I'd be happy.

I think it’s very cheeky unless they’re both giving donations to charity and accepting gifts from people, who can afford to give their equipment away.

I try to put myself in others position. How would I feel if I had a really lovely cot, pushchair etc I no longer currently needed or were saving for another reason and was put under pressure to give it up? This could come from a mutual friend informing the cheeky fuckers. It would then becomes very awkward not to offer especially if the couple asked for it.

I can’t find the post above about the exh who gave a bunch of equipment away to his employers. That’s extremely cheeky and obviously he felt obliged and was under pressure. My sil did this to me as it happens and I didn’t dare say no as she is so volatile.

Reading through the posts more thoroughly now, there seems to be differences according to friends groups or something?

If someone put a question on Facebook asking for items, I would have no issues not giving away something I might have if I didn't want to. And neither would anyone else know what things I still had or hadn't in order to put pressure on me to give it away (although I can't think of anyone doing that to start with anyway).