Is this cheeky or sensible?

[Dumbosbumbo]

A school friend of mine and his wife had a baby a few months ago. They are very big advocates for environmentalism. They're also really well off (she's a lawyer and he's an engineer). This is just for context.

A couple of times since the baby was born, my friend has posted on Facebook asking for donations of specific second hand items for the baby. The most recent post asked for clothes, a stroller, a bouncy seat, a few educational toys, a play pen, a crib mattress and a high chair.

The reason they've given for the request is that they want to minimise waste by not getting the baby new things, and that's an aim I am totally on board with. And the request has been phrased very nicely, with an explanation of the principles behind it.

But part of me also feels it's cheeky because they can definitely afford to buy these things themselves (even if second hand), and because they've been so specific about what they want. I feel like there are other less well off parents out there who would benefit more from this stuff than them, and that while it's totally fine to accept donations of second hand baby items, posting a shopping list of what is wanted seems grabby.

AIBU? Is this just a sensible practical solution to mitigating the environmental impact of having a baby? Or is their behaviour a bit entitled? And given that I have some clothes in the sizes they want, should I post them to my friend or should I donate them to charity (which was my original plan before I saw the post).

TIA!

I kind of like it. We can afford to buy new things but wherever I can I buy second hand. I always pass on stuff I don't need and don't replace anything unlesa it needs replacing.

There is still a stigma attached to second hand/hand me downs. If more people, particularly those who are affluent accept or ask for hand me downs it reduces the stigma for those who can't afford it, or even those who can.

We have a couple of hobbies (riding and watersports) and before I buy anything I ask people in the FB groups if anyone has one they want to sell. Not just to save money (lots of stuff holds its value pretty well) but to save buying something else new.

HillRunner The OP didn't say they were boasting about not-flying on FB, just that they are using it to ask for stuff they need.

CuntForThisOne FB is probably the most efficient way to ask for stuff like this. Why is it 'virtue signalling'? What exactly are you signalling with your delightful user name?

Read the post by Ragwort. CHARITY SHOPS AREN'T ALLOWED TO SELL 2ND HAND BABY EQUIPMENT.

That's very cheeky! Someone in desperate need could have had the things that they blagged for free.They are saving money whilst saying it's for the environments benefit imo.

Very odd. I think this is another of those cases where “virtue signalling” means “makes me feel vaguely guilty and I don’t completely understand why but I don’t like it”

@grumiosmum. Yup. That's why I said generally. I was pointing out it isn't 'always' the case as per your comment.

I would probably comment they should support a local charity by buying second hand.

I kind of like it. We can afford to buy new things but wherever I can I buy second hand

They are not BUYING second hand though. They ask for things for free.

I've seen this myself, my ex husband was working for a couple he was saying how they had really good jobs, one evening they turned up at our house and he gave them my sons old cot, wardrobe and changing unit, I heard him suggest taking the mattress which they jumped at... all for free I couldn't believe my eyes, we hadn't even discussed what we were going to be doing with the stuff then this cf for sure

'Than the least sustainable vegetable growing' (I don't know how to quote but that bit). Well, yes, clearly. But note the word 'growing'. That isn't including The being packed up in plastic and flying round the world, before being repackaged in different plastic.

I think it is sensible.

I'd much rather have second hand goods from my friends and family than from strangers online where you meet all sorts of folk, some not genuine, start haggling and it just becomes a headache.

I do think they shouldn't expect it free though - I particularly like EssentialHummus's wording.

“I would probably comment they should support a local charity by buying second hand.”
And if you did you would be practically defining virtue signalling!

Second hard - good reuse of stuff

Proactively Asking for it free in these circumstances - cheeky

It's cheeky because they aren't offering to pay. If they prefaced the request with "we'd like to buy second hand to avoid waste - is anyone looking to sell on anything from this list?" it would be fine.

I don’t know if there will be any near where you live but I have been to a few ‘jack and jill’ markets where it’s all local people selling baby stuff. It’s maybe worth mentioning this to her? Unfortunately as others have mentioned as far as I am aware charity shops aren’t allowed to sell certain second hand baby goods

arethereanyleftatall The study was from 'farm to fork'. That means it took into account transport & packaging emissions.

They could offer to pay for the items, even if they are secondhand (like many other parents do on FB marketplace etc). That would make the request less cheeky. Don't see why they need them donated for free.

I hate the attitude that, if you have had a child or have ever flown anywhere or have eaten any food not picked from local hedgerows, then any efforts to be environmentally responsible are hypocritical.

No one is perfect, and life is full of compromise. If people are making thoughtful personal choices and using their votes and their voices to work for environmental causes, that is fantastic.

I think this couple are doing something good, though they should probably offer to pay or make donations to charity. Posting on Facebook isn't putting pressure on anyone, just letting people know that they need certain things, and giving their friends the opportunity to get rid of unneeded stuff, knowing it will go to a good home.

The more I think about it, the more I feel that this is a great idea- it cuts out the whole process of accepting second hand things you don't really want in order to be polite. Also, I volunteer in an Oxfam shop, and we end up getting rid of lots of children's things because they aren't quite good enough to sell, or we don't have room for them. Donating to charity shops is great, but so is a more direct way of rehoming stuff. There is a place for both things!

@grumiosmum.
Ok. But stop thinking about that article (damns, lies and statistics and all that) and think for yourself for a moment.

Person A. Entirely self sufficient. Never visits a supermarket for his food. Grown veggies in his garden, has fruit trees, chickens, a grass (grown himself) eating cow, honey from bees encouraged by the wild flowers he grows. A little brook running through with fish which he catches for dinner. No pesticides. No plastic involved. His garden is an oasis of wildlife, insects attracting birds etc you get the picture.

Person B. Buys everything from supermarket. Daily Avocado flown from South America. Bananas, kiwis etc all packaged in plastic and flown. Broccoli which has been grown in sterile environment packed with pesticides destroying all insects, so no worms, so no birds etc. Packaged in plastic. You get the picture.

Forgetting the study which talks of generally, do you really think person b is not harming the environment more than person a?

Sorry to derail.

Well said PurrBox !

Could you say to them that you have X which you were going to sell on eBay for £Y. Would they to buy it from you instead?

That way you are helping them with their efforts to not purchase new but you aren’t giving it away either. You’ll see whether they’re being CFs or not then.

I don't think it's cheeky at all, but maybe it depends how the request was phrased.

Ideally they'd say something like 'if anyone wants to get rid of any baby items we're looking for these things: [list] at the moment'.

If someone is looking to get rid of a load of baby stuff and they need baby stuff I don't see the issue at all. It's a bit like the way freecycle works (hopefully they will post there too) where people post items for offer (for free) and items wanted (for free) with the aim of keeping as much as possible out of landfill.

If they're well off maybe they have mis read their audience - perhaps they pass on unwanted items for free, but others on their facebook would prefer to sell unwanted items, but their aim (to keep items out of landfill and not to consume more items) is wonderful and something we should all be doing more of.

A school friend of mine and his wife had a baby a few months ago. They are very big advocates for environmentalism.

It's not very often I get to crack out the word oxymoron

Fair enough arethereanyleftatall. The study was looking at farming practices, not the very few individuals who choose to live that way - and presumably person A is also off-grid, right? Generating all their own power renewably etc?

Is person A also growing their own wheat to make bread? How are they grinding it? Growing grain to feed the chickens? I guess they don't eat rice and only get carbs from potatoes. Don't drink tea or coffee. How are they protecting vegetables from frosts in the winter without plastic? Are they using a freezer to preserve their summer gluts for winter when it's much harder to grow veg?

I actually live a lot like Person A already. We are self-sufficient in vegetables during the summer. And I know how hard it is to grow veg sustainably and organically. I couldn't do it without a poly tunnel - lots of plastic (I can't afford a greenhouse the size we'd need). We do eat meat occasionally but it is organic and from local farms. Never buy fruit or veg that's travelled by air or is out of season. Only eat timed tomatoes in winter.

But yes, I concede that on this point you are right.

Do we know for sure they don't offer payment when items are offered? Or do their posts specifically say they want things for free?

Personally I would love this, I'm always trying to find people who want my old kiddy stuff. I've had some success with big stuff on Facebook and my work noticeboard but if anyone knows of a good place to donate old clothes etc please let me know. I once found a place that set up temporarily to collect stuff to send to countries experiencing war, and once one our local high street stores took in bundles for the same reason, but I've never found anything permanent.

Have they asked for second hand re-usable nappies?