Is this cheeky or sensible?

[Dumbosbumbo]

A school friend of mine and his wife had a baby a few months ago. They are very big advocates for environmentalism. They're also really well off (she's a lawyer and he's an engineer). This is just for context.

A couple of times since the baby was born, my friend has posted on Facebook asking for donations of specific second hand items for the baby. The most recent post asked for clothes, a stroller, a bouncy seat, a few educational toys, a play pen, a crib mattress and a high chair.

The reason they've given for the request is that they want to minimise waste by not getting the baby new things, and that's an aim I am totally on board with. And the request has been phrased very nicely, with an explanation of the principles behind it.

But part of me also feels it's cheeky because they can definitely afford to buy these things themselves (even if second hand), and because they've been so specific about what they want. I feel like there are other less well off parents out there who would benefit more from this stuff than them, and that while it's totally fine to accept donations of second hand baby items, posting a shopping list of what is wanted seems grabby.

AIBU? Is this just a sensible practical solution to mitigating the environmental impact of having a baby? Or is their behaviour a bit entitled? And given that I have some clothes in the sizes they want, should I post them to my friend or should I donate them to charity (which was my original plan before I saw the post).

TIA!

I think this is fine. They are both in well-paid professional careers and it's likely that most of their friends would not expect payment for 2nd hand stuff. In any case I expect they will pass it on when they no longer need it in the same way.

If they don't get everything they need, they will probably look on eBay to fill in the gaps.

Being vegan is not necessarily environmental

Er... yes it is. A plant based diet is always going to be less damaging to the environment than a meat-based one, there have been numerous studies that show this. www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/may/31/avoiding-meat-and-dairy-is-single-biggest-way-to-reduce-your-impact-on-earth

It's cheeky. There are plenty of ways to get hold of second hand items without asking your friends to donate to you.

If they were truly committed to environmental protection then they wouldn't have had a child.

Many young environmentalists I know are planning to limit their families. But it's a purely personal choice, and two parents having one child is perfectly sustainable.

No environmentalists I know would ever tell anyone else how many children they should have.

They are both in well-paid professional careers and it's likely that most of their friends would not expect payment for 2nd hand stuff.

Do people really only have friends in the same income bracket as themselves? I know I don't.

If they want second hand, fine - use FB marketplace, Freecycle, charity shops, whatever... But don't assume your friends can afford to give you stuff for free that would have cost hundreds of pounds new.

I also think they could buy what they wish second hand, asking for it for free puts a different spin on it.

But I would say you never know other people's finances, there could be issues there you're not aware of.

I understand about not contributing to waste but I think the obvious thing to do would be to donate to charity the same amount they would have spent had they bought second hand. They could then update everyone with the total amount they had been able to give to charity as a result of the donors’ gifts.

After all, everyone who gives them baby stuff they no longer need is ‘losing’ the chance to give it to charity or to another parent who needs it more than this couple.

I am surprised they put a crib mattress in their list - surely they should buy this new?

I'd be tempted to pint them to local for sale group s on Facebook

CFs

Surely most people only fly occasionally and rarely long haul? So if they were serious about environmentalism then they shouldn’t be flying at all!

They should look on eBay, gumtree, fb marketplace like everyone else who wants secondhand stuff, not beg for freebies.

If I was you I’d just donate the stuff to the charity shop as you planned and suggest they look there.

@grumiosmum
A plant based diet is not 'always' going to be better for the environment, although I'm sure it is in the main.
Consider person A - plant based but almost all flown all over the world, which has been grown in sterile environments, veggies sprayed with pesticides killing off all insects etc; vs person B - grows all own food organically and locally including meat.

I get the environmental bit but don't see why they have to get it free? Being free doesn't make it more environmentally friendly. There's tons of stuff on online market places or in charity shops. They sound like CFs tbh.

I got a lot of 2nd hand stuff when my kids were born that was given to me by friends. No-one ever asked or expected to be paid for it. I also got given a lot of crap I would never have used.

They are just making the process more streamlined by being specific about what they need to reduce waste.

If people don't want to give them stuff or would prefer to sell it on eBay that's their choice. For expensive items they could also offer to sell it and I'm sure that would be fine: "We've got a cot we no longer use which you would be welcome to have, but we can't let it go for free as it cost us quite a bit. Would £25 be OK?"

It depends how they word it, if they say something like 'if anyone is getting rid of a pushchair' we would happily pick it up from you' then that sounds reasonable.
I manage a charity shop and we are not allowed to sell second hand baby equipment (ridiculous I know) so if it is donated I have to send it to landfill (I don't, as I have other ways of passing things on but shouldn't really ).
I had my baby a lot later than my friends and was offered loads of hand me downs which I accepted gratefully, in my circle people were only too happy to pass things on, as I did when my DS had grown out of them and I wouldn't have wanted any money for them.

But if they are saying, 'we only want certain brands', then yes, that is cheeky.

@arethereanyleftatall Did you bother to read the link I posted?

Funny how it’s always well off people who are smug and preachy about environmentalism isn’t it?
Sounds like scrounging dressed up as faux social concern.
Send a message to them to pop into the local charity shop, then they’re actually helping someone other than their selfish selves.

“So he’s saving the world and saving himself a whole load of cash”

I honestly can’t see a problem. Nobody actually has to give them anything. They can sell it if they want to.

I also think that 'rarely flying and only once long haul in the last few years' is nothing much to write home about... I rarely fly, but I don't feel the need to boast about it or announce that fact on Facebook.

There are plenty of people quietly reducing waste, using sustainable transport, not eating meat, buying second hand, repairing old things to make them last etc... that somehow manage not to make a song and dance about it on social media and demand free stuff from others as a reward for their amazing virtue.

It's perfectly sensible but the cheeky bit is asking for free.

If I see a friend has been looking to buy an item on FB marketplace/a FB selling site or on a WhatsApp group and I have said item, I will often offer for free.

I wouldn't expect payment from my friends for items that I choose to pass on to them but without fail they always ask how much they would like from them - generally I ask them to make a small donation to a charity of their choice.

"The scientists also found that even the very lowest impact meat and dairy products still cause much more environmental harm than the least sustainable vegetable and cereal growing."

I'm not sure about cheeky, but (even worse, to my mind) it sounds as if they're just virtue signalling if they're trumpeting all this on Facebook. If they want to minimise waste, they need to walk or bike down to the charity shops.

I don't think it's cheeky, but I do think they'd be better placed to buy second hand from places like Sue Ryder who also have furniture stores. Or buy off eBay. In their position I'd be looking at charity stores first.

I presume they will be giving the stuff away when they are done with it?

Of course it's cheeky. Paying for the second hand items would not make them less environmentaly friendly.