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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School mornings...Heeelllppp!!

53 replies

fluffyslippers02 · 04/09/2019 09:13

Ive been dong the school run for few years...and it as never got any easier. The mornings always end up shouting and nagging at darling child to "GET DRESSED" "BRUSH YOUR TEETH" Aaargghh!! Ive tried everything, he has first shower so he has more time, then I changed it to a little later so he almosts has to rush, ive took phones etc away and gets them back once ready., Ive let him watch tv after he's dressed, Nothing works, Im still moaning at him to get his socks and shoes on literally as we should be leaving. I don't know what else to ,do, its a constant battle. DS is 11 by the way, and started high school this year so really should know better. Any advice would be fab, I dont want the morning arguments any more. Thanks

OP posts:

Bloomburger · 04/09/2019 17:05

Cereal bar for the car. No TV or phones until he's still not ready and if he's not ready he suffers the consequences from school.

Maybe give the school a heads up so they know he may be late a few times and they can be a bit understanding in the beginning but then they can tell him their will be consequences if it continues.

FuriousVexation · 04/09/2019 17:19

Definitely remove all devices from his room ~30 mins after bedtime, or set a curfew via the router, if appropriate. If he needs a playlist to get to sleep then download it onto an offline device.

My DS is now early 20s and still absolutely awful at getting up, but does do better when he's woken by a human rather than a device such as an alarm.

Definitely don't let him shower in the morning, that will make him worse. Get him to have a nice relaxing shower or bath the night (which also makes it easier to sleep IME.)

If he has any disgestive problems, don't put any pressure on him to eat in the mornings as this may make him more resistant to getting up.

Wolfiefan · 04/09/2019 17:21

Shower at night.
Bag packed etc the night before.
No breakfast until dressed and ready. This motivates mine.
No tech or screens until everything else done.

Original poster

fluffyslippers02 · 04/09/2019 17:41

He has no problem getting up, or getting in the shower, its the bit afterwards, he just faffs. I may try the no shower in the mornings thing, see how he gets on with that.

OP posts:

inwood · 04/09/2019 18:57

I get yo super early and go to bed super early, it's the only way to ease the stress.

HerRoyalNotness · 04/09/2019 19:05

Mine (9/12) shower at night. Get their clothes on before coming downstairs (not laid out for them). Come down, drink, eat if they want, fetch their own snack for school, teeth and out the door. I’ve told them what they need to do, and remind them once that they need to leave in 10 minutes if necessary. THe more they take responsibility for themselves, the easier it is.

Their bags are always by the back door along with shoes, and are packed up by themselves the night before. Which generally consists of putting homework back in after it’s done. It’s not a big task.

BarbariansMum · 04/09/2019 19:15

Tell him his lift leaves at x o'clock and mean it. If he's not ready, he takes the bus/walks/is late.

Original poster

fluffyslippers02 · 04/09/2019 20:13

I get why everyone is saying to let him walk and if he's late, he's late. I couldn't bring myself to just drive of and leave him stranded at home, I couldn't cope with the guilt

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 04/09/2019 20:18

He far away is his school op??

Original poster

fluffyslippers02 · 04/09/2019 20:20

Also, Can I just add, everything is ready for when we need to leave, bags, lunches etc. Its just the physical getting dressed bit that he seems to take ages over.

OP posts:

Original poster

fluffyslippers02 · 04/09/2019 20:23

@arethereanyleftatall Its the other side of town, maybe a good hour walk.

OP posts:

user87382294757 · 04/09/2019 20:27

It might be a processing issue. Our primary final year mentioned this and then in secondary they helped with support to organise his stuff etc- really helpful.

With the dressing etc, helping him lay it out the night before might help, polishing shoes etc, so it is ready, and putting phone on charge so no distractions.

It is a bit annoying to hear others say about theirs being ready / you are babying or whatever when they obviously don't have the same problem, we are all different.

user87382294757 · 04/09/2019 20:28

You could prompt him e.g. there are 15 minutes to get dressed, so he knows might help,

DrWAnker · 04/09/2019 20:29

I haven't read all replies but lots of good advice.
Everything ready the night before. Clothes, bag etc.
Shower the night before so all that's left is getting up, breakfast, dressed and teeth.
If it starts to slip in the morning, I have made bedtime earlier and earlier and got DD up earlier.
She soon copped on and sorted herself out and now we have also started high school it has paid off as she is fairly autonomous in the morning.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 04/09/2019 20:31

Has he just started secondary? Give him a few weeks to settle and then go hardcore.

I’ve had two faffers but once they realised I wouldn’t be giving them a lift if they missed their bus they soon sorted their shit out.

Presumably there is a bus he could get? If it’s too far to walk he’s likely to be eligible for a bus pass (although I know this varies). So his choice is leave on your schedule or to the bus timetable or be late. And if he is too late for you then you go.

And don’t feel guilt, it’s an important life lesson.

NoSquirrels · 04/09/2019 20:32

Its just the physical getting dressed bit that he seems to take ages over.

What’s he doing? Just staring into space, or what?

Does he have breakfast before or after getting dressed?

We have found the reminders on Alexa super useful - you can customise them, and have them at whatever intervals you want, so for instance we have one that says “10 minutes till it’s time to leave”, and another that says “shoes and coats on”. The impersonal voice of Alexa and not a nagging parent is good, and it keeps a sort of timetable of where they should be at.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/09/2019 20:32

Ok, so it's far but doable.
I live in a little village attached to a bigger town.
All the year 7s+ from our village meet their friends at various meet-up points at 7.30am to walk the 2 miles to our towns secondary which starts at 8.30. It's just the done thing round here.
They dawdle, so your ds's walk is probably a bit further but not out of the question.

What do you think he would do if you said 'be ready at 7.30, I'm leaving then.' And then did exactly that if he wasn't ready?

Original poster

fluffyslippers02 · 04/09/2019 20:34

user87382294757 Thanks for the advise, I do lay everything out ready, uniform all ready on his wardrobe, shoes by his bed etc. The only thing I don't do is put the toothpaste on his brush lol, Maybe this is part of the problem and I am mothering, I was seeing it as being organised. None of his teachers have ever mentioned about him having problems with getting changed for PE or anything.

OP posts:

Hiredandsqueak · 04/09/2019 20:41

If he's not ready on time tell him you will get him up ten minutes earlier the following morning and lights out ten minutes earlier to make sure he doesn't lose sleep. If he isn't ready the following morning you get him up another ten minutes earlier/bed earlier etc. Only when he is ready on time for three days in a row do you add ten minutes back on. He should soon get fed up of the early bedtimes and mornings which will help him meet a deadline.

Stompythedinosaur · 04/09/2019 20:42

My technique was to get a job that starts really early so I give the dc a quick kiss in the morning and leave dp to handle to morning routine. It's bloody wonderful!

Original poster

fluffyslippers02 · 04/09/2019 20:43

@arethereanyleftatal I actually don't know what he would do, prob just stand and look confused lol

OP posts:

chickenyhead · 04/09/2019 20:44

I have been lucky with DC1, she has taken responsibility for herself in this regard from around 9yo.

DC 2 now 10ys going to be different as he seems to faff too. I discuss consequences. He continues. I go to the wifi, turn it off, he continues, I go to the fuse box and turn off electricity in house. This helps. Sometimes I stand on the doorstep waiting, vocally waiting. And I leave without him DC3 6yo.

If he was dependant on me for a lift, rather than the school being across the road, I would tell him the time you will be leaving and mean it. Leave at that time, every single day. Even if you dont need to. Go somewhere, anywhere.

He needs to learn to prioritize right now, or you will be wiping his bottom forevermore

BarbariansMum · 04/09/2019 20:45

I think OP that the idea is that he gets his stuff ready the night before. With you prompting as necessary. Honestly, he's a big boy now, he can pack a bag and lay out a shirt. Dont make his disorganization your problem.

Original poster

fluffyslippers02 · 04/09/2019 20:49

@Stompythedinosaur Damn, Why did I not think of that,
@Hiredandsqueak Thats sounds like a good idea. I think i'll try that one tomorrow

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 04/09/2019 20:51

You could do the walk with him on a weekend? Explain that's what he needs to do if he's not ready?
I do think, whichever route you choose, if you want this to stop, you've gotta get tough.

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