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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this family for leaving their young dc home alone?

329 replies

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:21

New family moved in opposite. They're a bit strange. 2 dc age approx 8 or 9 and then another age 3 or 4.
Every morning the DM takes the DP to work at around 6.15 am. Shes gone around 20 mins. Leaves the kids at home, no sign of any lights on so I assume they're in bed and she doesn't want to stir them.
What also makes me nervous is that she doesn't lock the front door. She gets home and just pushes handle down and shes straight in.
Do I keep my nose out or report it?
My close friend has begged me to report however shes a social worker in training!

OP posts:
NorbertHerbertGruntfuttock · 04/09/2019 08:26

Could you give them your phone number so the kids could ring you if there's an issue and you could go over and help if need be?

I was left with my sister at age seven and nine from seven in the morning until 2 in the afternoon but this was the seventies and we had a neighbour we could shout for if need be and she was kindness itself. Nothing bad happened to us but I remember feeling miserable until my gran appeared at twoish.

kjhkj · 04/09/2019 08:27

I think its way too young for them to be left alone. I think I'd need the peace of mind of reporting and letting the authorities decide if there is an issue.

My friend told me about her neighbour the other day who leaves a five year old alone every night between 4am and 7.30am whilst she works. She is struggling with the same dilemma. My advice to her was to report it.

Pigflewpast · 04/09/2019 08:36

I think I'd need the peace of mind of reporting and letting the authorities decide if there is an issue.

This.

dottiedodah · 04/09/2019 08:39

Agree with Frazzled74. This family seem to have enough on their plates already by the sound of it!.20 mins is not long ,and if you live nearby could maybe keep an eye out?.If the police have been called out ,then they will be aware of problems in the family already and will presumably contact CC if necessary

Appletreehouse · 04/09/2019 08:41

I would report, just so social care can build a picture of what's happening. If Police have been out for domestic violence offences twice already in a short time they may already be known to services anyway, and its helpful for them to know about this too.

On its own may not be a huge issue, but combined with other things you may not be aware of, social services may find this useful to build a bigger picture. It doesn't harm anyone, if social services don't have any concerns then nothing will happen, nothing lost

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 08:44

There is another poster on this thread, similar where a parent left her son to pop to the local shop and a fire killed her little boy whilst she was out.

He didn't die in the fire. He died from smoke inhalation about 2 days later and he was 10 so wasn't as little as these children.
Christmas tree went on fire.

If it was a choice between waking my kids up putti g their jackets on and sticking them in the car, over leaving them sleeping in there beds for 20 mins alone, I know which one I would pick.

DriftingLeaves · 04/09/2019 08:45

Of course you should report them. It's one thing to leave an 8 year old alone on his own but to leave one in charge of a much younger sibling for so long is ridiculous.

busybarbara · 04/09/2019 08:53

in the short time they've been here the police have been out twice and they have had some immense arguments

They sound like a lovely bunch. I'd report them given this. If they are having the police turning up there are clearly issues in the family so social services may be able to help the situation

FireBloodAndIce · 04/09/2019 08:58

I'd report and let those qualified deal and assess.

FireBloodAndIce · 04/09/2019 09:00

The mum doesn't need to leave or take the kids, her partner needs to sort his own way to work.

katewhinesalot · 04/09/2019 09:07

I'm totally torn on this one. But you aren't unreasonable to be thinking it through and why you are getting so much grief just for knowing their routine, I have no idea. You do the same thing at the same time every day and on top of that you've noticed something concerning so of course you will keep on looking.

CheeseChipsMayo · 04/09/2019 09:09

How ridiculous you soundOP..myDC frequently left alone for similar time period-with a phone/key..im an isolated single parent&logistically wise bundling a10/12 year old into car every time i need to do something is daft..CottonWool is turning kids completely incapabable&overly dependent-&then as teens theyre suddenly expected to grow a sense of autonomy,responsibility,independence&we wonder why they cant handle it&tear them to pieces on Mumsnet for being lazy&inept..u reap what you sow.

lazyl · 04/09/2019 09:10

OMG.

How hysterical.

Of course it's fine for a 9 year old to be home alone for 20-30 min. Even with a 4 year old in the house. English parents are so funny about this sort of thing.

Seriously! Get a life OP Hmm

SunshineCake · 04/09/2019 09:11

"However she is a social worker in training!"

So you ignore and act dramatic about a professional telling you what to do.

Utterly stupid.

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 09:11

CheeseChipsMayo

You an not be serious 😂. Did you read the ages of the children?
How long have you been leaving your children alone, what age were they when you started that?

SunshineCake · 04/09/2019 09:15

Why are worried that others will notice and report them ? What are you worried about ?

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 04/09/2019 09:19

I definitely think this needs reporting. People are right when they say you don't know the full picture, but you know enough to be concerned. If you report it, and there is no problem, then nothing will come of it. If you don't report it, and there is a problem, then DC that need help won't get it. I can't see how it can ever be right to leave such young DC alone in a house, and with the added visits from the police all the signs are that the home environment is not ideal.

SunshineCake · 04/09/2019 09:22

This is for the professionals to report. If in doubt, tell someone. It's not your job to decide.

It is very, very rare that children of that age being left alone are not being neglected or abused in other ways.

Really ? Where is the evidence for this?

Ime this is true.

abbeycafe · 04/09/2019 09:25

They will be fine. Keep out of it. All still sleeping probably. I'm sure the mum has made absolutely sure that they will be safe in the home. Children are more sensible that what we think, especially if told the truth and how important, but so helpful to mum and dad they are. Stay out of their business and let them carry on.

TeddybearBaby · 04/09/2019 09:25

I’d report it because why not really. I couldn’t handle the pressure on my shoulders so I’d want to hand it over to the experts and they can decide / make that judgement.

Fwiw I’m a child counsellor and if a child disclosed this to me I would have to report it 100%.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 04/09/2019 09:36

"It is very, very rare that children of that age being left alone are not being neglected or abused in other ways."

Oh what shite.

There are plenty of reasons why people leave their kids alone, from cultural to practical.

HarrySnotter · 04/09/2019 09:47

Since when was it OK to give an OP a hard time for having concerns for children? No, I wouldn't report but I don't think the OP should be demonised for being concerned. Perhaps if more people did show concern we wouldn't read about some of the horrendous cases that we all too often do.

lazyl · 04/09/2019 09:47

Fwiw I’m a child counsellor Then your view is biased. You only see the problem cases. You are expecting the worst.

Why are English people so reluctant to leave children 7+ at home for a brief while? In most other European countries all over thew world children 6+ walk to or take the bus to school by themselves, they are also routinely left alone for shortish periods of time and play out with their friends. It's all normal. Schools don't have gates, anyone can walk in and out and there are no issues. Also most moms go to work staying at home when you have school children is a rare set up and often not good for the mom's mental health.

NT dc are mostly very capable. Fostering their independence is so important, not just to make it a bit easier for parents but also for the dc's sense of accomplishment, their development, competence, independance, self esteem and also for their behaviour.

Maybe the dad doesn't drive? Is it not a good thing that the family are in work, so what if the mom has to drive hime in the mornings?

The school will know if there are issues with this family, don't stick your nosy nose in it OP.

makingmammaries · 04/09/2019 09:49

People leave their DCs in locked and unlocked houses to go out into the garden. They also sleep while responsible for their DCs. The risks are not that different. Possibly the parents find it to be the least bad option. I don’t think you will help anyone by reporting. But I know how this thread is likely to go and I will step away now.

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 09:54

makingmammaries

But in those situations the parents will likely be in earshot, and the children know where they are and how to get to them so.... Bit different.

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