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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this family for leaving their young dc home alone?

329 replies

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:21

New family moved in opposite. They're a bit strange. 2 dc age approx 8 or 9 and then another age 3 or 4.
Every morning the DM takes the DP to work at around 6.15 am. Shes gone around 20 mins. Leaves the kids at home, no sign of any lights on so I assume they're in bed and she doesn't want to stir them.
What also makes me nervous is that she doesn't lock the front door. She gets home and just pushes handle down and shes straight in.
Do I keep my nose out or report it?
My close friend has begged me to report however shes a social worker in training!

OP posts:
Legomadx2 · 04/09/2019 06:53

Talk to them before reporting. Of course!

Do you honestly want what's beat for them or are you just after the smug satisfaction of being a goodie goodie?

For fucks sake talk to them first.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 04/09/2019 06:53

"Neighbourliness is keeping an eye out for the vulnerable - in this case young children"

Yeah, neighbourliness is also asking the mum/dad if they need a hand, not immediately reporting them.

Legomadx2 · 04/09/2019 06:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pikapikachooo · 04/09/2019 06:56

It’s not just the leaving them is it really ? It’s the fact that police have been called . That’s the real issue that would
Concern me . not the trying to handle shift work ,minimise disruptions etc

FrameyMcFrame · 04/09/2019 06:57

Do you know for sure that they're alone?

Is there a grandparent living with them?

Unless you're walking around their house checking each room every morning then how do you know for certain?

unitednations · 04/09/2019 06:58

If you phone NSPCC for advice bets on that they will say to report it. I think they're pretty useless TBH.

Don't waste your time with them and in light of your concerns and you keep going on just bloody phone SS and get off MN !

EerieSilence · 04/09/2019 07:08

There’s a difference between children not used to finding themselves on their own for a bit and abandonment.
If the younger ones know that Mummy is away for a bit and their older sibling is responsible I can’t see why they shouldn’t be left alone for 20 minutes. At the age of 9 I was on my own, walking home from school and did my chores, including cooking simple things and then went off to play with my friends till my Mum came home from work, picking up my younger siblings from their respective schools/creches.
Different families have different degrees of responsibility. The Mum doesn’t want to wake up her children at six and it makes no sense for 20 minutes if they’re aware of it. Stop sticking your nose and judge her.

EleanorReally · 04/09/2019 07:15

Suggest your friend does the reporting,
or speak to school

georgialondon · 04/09/2019 07:18

I'd report it.

georgialondon · 04/09/2019 07:19

Whether or not any action is taken is not that relevant. I think if you have concerns you should report them.

OutOfIdeasMum · 04/09/2019 07:30

I started being left home alone for short stretches at around 8 years and that was considered late where I grew up (4/5 years was more normal). At worst we watched more TV than usual and went through the junk food drawer.

So yeah, I wouldn't report them.

Jenala · 04/09/2019 07:32

Reporting them, perhaps via the NSPCC, wouldn't cause SS to even visit in all likelihood - unless it adds to a picture already building from previous referrals. It's not always one single thing that hits threshold, it can be the build up of multiple smaller concerns.

A pp said "oh you don't need to tell SS if the police have been, they will do it" which is almost a laughably bad take on what safeguarding means. The police will put a notification into SS, yes, but they don't know about anything additional unless someone else tells them. That's why safeguarding is everyone's responsibility, because it requires everyone who has concerns to say something. Pretty much all serious case reviews find the main issue was no one had the bigger picture due to a lack of information sharing.

It's minor and the children are probably fine. If you are uneasy you won't kick loads of misery into their lives if you report - unless there is lots else going on in which case it was necessary, if that makes sense.

hopski · 04/09/2019 07:33

I leave my 7 & 9 while I pop the shop over the road for 5 mins, I can see my house from the shop and my kids know how to use the phone in an emergency. My 9yo is also Walking home from school today with friends.

QueenofmyPrinces · 04/09/2019 07:38

I leave my 7 & 9 while I pop the shop over the road for 5 mins, I can see my house from the shop and my kids know how to use the phone in an emergency.

How is this in any way comparable to a 7 and 3 year old being left whilst their parent is away for 20 minutes whilst she drives off somewhere?!

I would feel very uncomfortable with this OP but as has been said, unless you know all the details, as in if there is in fact another adult in the house, then I don’t know whether reporting them is the best thing.

I think there must be another adult in the house because I cannot comprehend how any parent could leave their 3 year old alone in a house, regardless of how old the other child is. And in my opinion, 7 is too young to be left alone for 20 minutes anyway, never mind if they are responsible for a 3 year old.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 04/09/2019 07:40

Quote from the nspcc link shared by backafter

‘There might not be a specific legal age to leave children alone but it’s safe to say babies, toddlers and young children should never be left alone, even if it’s just while you pop down the road. Even if they’re sleeping peacefully when you leave they could well wake up and get very upset when you’re not there to look after them. They would not be able to protect themselves in an emergency and may even try to leave the property to find you.’

There you go, call the nspcc line and report via that route- you can do it anonymously if you wish.

ticking · 04/09/2019 07:46

I think you are getting some really weird answers on this one. 100% you should report someone leaving very young children alone.

Try asking in AIBU "Can I leave my DC age 2,7,8 alone for 20 minutes every day" you will get an entirely opposite response.

Ignore people asking why you have noticed, you have noticed and if you report then your conscience is clear.

Original poster
Hmmmmminteresting · 04/09/2019 07:53

Thank you everyone for the feedback. That nspcc article is interesting!

Also to the PP who said that I was adding more and more to the story when the answers weren't going in my favour. That was not at all the intention. There is no "in my favour" here. I wanted opinions of whether or not it's okay because as I've said before the family clearly have a few issues going on due to the police and volatile arguments. What I dont accept is being called vile, a stalker, vindictive etc just because I happen to see this on a daily basis. Some people are just plain rude and quite frankly very very strange.

But grateful for the sensible answers. Will have a think about what to do and will speak to my friend again too.

OP posts:
CorBlimeyGovenor · 04/09/2019 07:59

Don't report. But if you do still have concerns, call the NSPCC for advice.

AMAM8916 · 04/09/2019 07:59

I personally wouldn't do it. Considering she's only away 20 minutes, I imagine her partners workplace isn't far and he could get a bus or ask a co-worker to collect him or walk! My husband (before we met) used to walk 3 and a half miles to work and back. I would rather to do this myself than leave my kids home alone in an unlocked house! Look what happened to Madeleine McCann. Someone obviously watched their movements and seized the opportunity with an open door. People have been disgusted since that 3 young children were left alone and that the door was left unlocked. That was 12 years a go as well. You take risks, things happen. Don't report them but I would personally go over there and have a word

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 08:14

@unitednations

  1. I think it's highly unlikely this woman is leaving her kids in the house in case she crashes the car. Pretty sure she takes them in the car several times a week. Think it's more likely she just can't be arsed to get them ready at that time in the morning.
  1. If she did crash and the kids were home alone, no one would know. What then? The children would probably be taken off her by social services.
  1. It's so much more likely that a 3 year old would wake up and panic that they couldn't find their parents and leave the house. Then, again, she's going to have social services at the door.

Leaving young children in the house alone isn't OK. Especially if they are that young. You crack on though.

Pigflewpast · 04/09/2019 08:18

I’m another one saying speak to either NSPCC or social services. It doesn’t have to be a report as such, you can ask advice and this can be turned into a report if they feel it should.
It’s the unlocked door that concerns me, as I think it is you. No that’s wrong, leaving them at all concerns me , but the unlocked door adds to the risk imo.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 04/09/2019 08:19

I wouldn’t report this.

Pigflewpast · 04/09/2019 08:20

And everything Drogo says in e post above

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 04/09/2019 08:21

I honestly can’t believe how many people are saying don’t report! What if the OP isn’t able to keep an eye one day and the house goes on fire? What if the 3yo leaves the house in the middle of winter wearing only pjs searching for Mummy? What if someone other than OP notices that this woman is leaving her babies unsupervised, in an unlocked house, every morning and has evil motives? There is another poster on this thread, similar where a parent left her son to pop to the local shop and a fire killed her little boy whilst she was out.

What if this Mother is in an abusive relationship, being forced to leave her babies alone at home to placate her partner. A report may flag up to SS that this family is in need of support and encourage the Mother to leave.